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Thread: How does SO instinct work in introverts.

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    Default How does SO instinct work in introverts.

    So, does anybody know how does Social instinct work if its dominant or secondary or last?


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    I can’t explain how it works in general, but I can tell you how it works in my own case. My type seems to be an So 5. Like all 5s, I’m introverted and have a tendency to disassociate from other people, but at the same time I like to be “active” in the world. There are two parts to this. Firstly, I tend to feel that what I do doesn’t matter unless it benefits other people. It’s not about the recognition at all, to be clear — I feel as if for my life to be worthwhile, it needs to have somehow affected the world. Secondly, I’m interested in people, and like to gather interesting friends and interesting stories. This makes me feel, in turn, like I’m doing something interesting with my life, and that my life is more “complete”. I tend to feel like everything I’ve ever done is pointless — I often try to everything I’ve ever done, and everything I know, and I think that I have done nothing with myself and that I know nothing. Interacting with people keeps this feeling at bay somewhat.
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    Social is second in my stacking, but pretty strong. I don't feel fulfilled unless I'm contributing something meaningful to the group. Even when I'm "introverting" I'm keeping an eye on my groups. Thinking about them (sometimes obsessing), planning my next interaction with them. (Even if I'm dreading it, I feel a compulsion to be involved.) We're excellent readers of people. I feel like I'm hyper aware of people's facial expressions, body language, hierarchy with the group dynamic and where I am within the pecking order. Which is partially what exhausts me and causes me to introvert. I get seriously depressed if I'm not actively involved in something bigger than myself, but being part of an organization or group is where I get my energy to be productive. I don't mean, literally working side by side with someone, I'm happy to work alone. (Mostly) but knowing that I'm working within a larger unit to accomplish something amazing. Also if they succeed, I feel like I have succeeded. (I'm an Sx first, so I still have to get over my crippling competitiveness and jealousy ��)

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    My husband on the other hand is an introvert social last. Group involvement, he could take it or leave it. If his tank is full and it won't require too much of him he'll join in. He's not a team player. Can't "read the room." Terrible at facial recognition, body language, and reading between the lines. Doesn't feel a sense of social obligation. There is a lack of subtilty to him. At times I envy that he doesn't seem to care what others think of him or worry about position/social climbing. It seems freeing. But since I do care about that stuff, it's a bone of contention between us. Thankfully we are both Sx first, so our major needs align, and we readily sacrifice self for the others needs.

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    I'm an so/sp with strong sp, and am quite introverted.
    The so-domness and lack of sx make it so that I have always struggled with some social anxiety (lessening with age) and lots of self-consciousness.
    I am always part of a group and if I am not, I feel that there is too much uncertainty/lack of stability and I can get quite anxious.
    On the other hand, although I am generally bad at connecting with people individually, I tend to become very close with a single person (or two) and I will pretty much only stick with them. I see this with other more introverted/younger (school age) so/sp's as well- they will form a very close bond with another person, typically also social, and they will always be together. Obviously it's a very SO-bond. Of course there is closeness and intimacy (stuff normally attributed to SX), but there is also a strong sense of stability and feeling that you can always depend on the person no matter what (socially), and you feel very secure. (whereas SX doesn't have this reliability).
    I always always think to myself that really I'd love to know more people and be closer to so-and-so; however, when it comes to it, in the moment, I simply never feel like it.. it's too much work, or i feel too uncomfortable, and I'd just rather just stay to myself or my friends.
    Although I'm introverted and most of the people I know would, in fact, describe me as very non-conformist, I am very in tune with social dynamics and what is "acceptable" or not, "cool" or not.
    Being SO-dom, I am still very oriented to people and aware of what's going on. I think my deepest, most unconscious and basic desire would be to be extraverted and make friends easily.. Compare with the stereotypical "socially clueless introvert" who is happy to remain in his bubble.

    There's a big difference between SO-dom and SO-aux.
    SO matters are not the point of overfocus for SO-aux as it is for SO-doms. They are aware, yes.
    My father, and introverted sp/so, is aware of group structures, social norms, and all that.
    Based on my brother (LII) and father (ILI) who are both introverted sp/so's (not much SX in my family ), they have an air of awkwardness around them. As for my father, on the inside I don't think he consciously feels self-conscious or awkward when talking to people, but he has within him without a doubt a general unconscious discomfort.
    I, on the other hand, can also seem this way, however I'm slightly more graceful in social situations, and sometimes I can fake seeming comfortable/natural (depending on the person).

    As for so/sx and sx/so, I have a hard time imagining an sp-last introvert. maybe it's possible?
    Well, I'm not sure if I answered your question. if you have any questions, please ask
    Last edited by guac; 03-06-2020 at 08:26 PM. Reason: "extrevort"

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    Quote Originally Posted by FreelancePoliceman View Post
    I canít explain how it works in general, but I can tell you how it works in my own case. My type seems to be an So 5. Like all 5s, Iím introverted and have a tendency to disassociate from other people, but at the same time I like to be ďactiveĒ in the world. There are two parts to this. Firstly, I tend to feel that what I do doesnít matter unless it benefits other people. Itís not about the recognition at all, to be clear ó I feel as if for my life to be worthwhile, it needs to have somehow affected the world. Secondly, Iím interested in people, and like to gather interesting friends and interesting stories. This makes me feel, in turn, like Iím doing something interesting with my life, and that my life is more ďcompleteĒ. I tend to feel like everything Iíve ever done is pointless ó I often try to everything Iíve ever done, and everything I know, and I think that I have done nothing with myself and that I know nothing. Interacting with people keeps this feeling at bay somewhat.
    So it doesn't necessarily have a connection with introvertion or withdrawing, it's like an impulse to make something in the world, like its your world, am I right?

    It's like you gain your energy from withdrawing (introversion) like recharging, but you also have a need to make a difference?

    Also the post is helpful to determine how the soc is working in an introvert, Thank you !
    Last edited by Farag; 03-05-2020 at 02:07 PM.


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    Quote Originally Posted by No name View Post
    Social is second in my stacking, but pretty strong. I don't feel fulfilled unless I'm contributing something meaningful to the group. Even when I'm "introverting" I'm keeping an eye on my groups. Thinking about them (sometimes obsessing), planning my next interaction with them. (Even if I'm dreading it, I feel a compulsion to be involved.) We're excellent readers of people. I feel like I'm hyper aware of people's facial expressions, body language, hierarchy with the group dynamic and where I am within the pecking order. Which is partially what exhausts me and causes me to introvert. I get seriously depressed if I'm not actively involved in something bigger than myself, but being part of an organization or group is where I get my energy to be productive. I don't mean, literally working side by side with someone, I'm happy to work alone. (Mostly) but knowing that I'm working within a larger unit to accomplish something amazing. Also if they succeed, I feel like I have succeeded. (I'm an Sx first, so I still have to get over my crippling competitiveness and jealousy ��)
    So you are mostly focused in your social instinct and your sexual instinct appear as a competitiveness and jealousy?

    Thank you !


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    Quote Originally Posted by No name View Post
    My husband on the other hand is an introvert social last. Group involvement, he could take it or leave it. If his tank is full and it won't require too much of him he'll join in. He's not a team player. Can't "read the room." Terrible at facial recognition, body language, and reading between the lines. Doesn't feel a sense of social obligation. There is a lack of subtilty to him. At times I envy that he doesn't seem to care what others think of him or worry about position/social climbing. It seems freeing. But since I do care about that stuff, it's a bone of contention between us. Thankfully we are both Sx first, so our major needs align, and we readily sacrifice self for the others needs.
    I believe I am a social last, but I don't think I can't read body language, maybe because I am a 6 so I search the underlying motives of people? Maybe he can read body language or facial expressions but doesn't show it?


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    Quote Originally Posted by citronnade View Post
    I'm an so/sp with strong sp, and am quite introverted.
    The so-domness and lack of sx make it so that I have always struggled with some social anxiety (lessening with age) and lots of self-consciousness.
    I am always part of a group and if I am not, I feel that there is too much uncertainty/lack of stability and I can get quite anxious.
    On the other hand, although I am generally bad at connecting with people individually, I tend to become very close with a single person (or two) and I will pretty much only stick with them. I see this with other more introverted/younger (school age) so/sp's as well- they will form a very close bond with another person, typically also social, and they will always be together. Obviously it's a very SO-bond. Of course there is closeness and intimacy (stuff normally attributed to SX), but there is also a strong sense of stability and feeling that you can always depend on the person no matter what (socially), and you feel very secure. (whereas SX doesn't have this reliability).
    I always always think to myself that really I'd love to know more people and be closer to so-and-so; however, when it comes to it, in the moment, I simply never feel like it.. it's too much work, or i feel too uncomfortable, and I'd just rather just stay to myself or my friends.
    Although I'm introverted and most of the people I know would, in fact, describe me as very non-conformist, I am very in tune with social dynamics and what is "acceptable" or not, "cool" or not.
    Being SO-dom, I am still very oriented to people and aware of what's going on. I think my deepest, most unconscious and basic desire would be to be extravorted and make friends easily.. Compare with the stereotypical "socially clueless introvert" who is happy to remain in his bubble.

    There's a big difference between SO-dom and SO-aux.
    SO matters are not the point of overfocus for SO-aux as it is for SO-doms. They are aware, yes.
    My father, and introverted sp/so, is aware of group structures, social norms, and all that.
    Based on my brother (LII) and father (ILI) who are both introverted sp/so's (not much SX in my family ), they have an air of awkwardness around them. As for my father, on the inside I don't think he consciously feels self-conscious or awkward when talking to people, but he has within him without a doubt a general unconscious discomfort.
    I, on the other hand, can also seem this way, however I'm slightly more graceful in social situations, and sometimes I can fake seeming comfortable/natural (depending on the person).

    As for so/sx and sx/so, I have a hard time imagining an sp-last introvert. maybe it's possible?
    Well, I'm not sure if I answered your question. if you have any questions, please ask
    Yep It answered my question Thank you, so it's like uncomfortableness, i need to know where it does come from, does it come from the need to be acceptable or just awkwardness as the need to just escape?


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    Quote Originally Posted by Farag View Post
    Yep It answered my question Thank you, so it's like uncomfortableness, i need to know where it does come from, does it come from the need to be acceptable or just awkwardness as the need to just escape?
    yeah, it's definitely discomfort with one on one interactions. it's not just self-consciousness or a need to escape (although that is certainly a product of it)-- it's simply just a discomfort and awkwardness with one-to-one interactions. i'm not sure where it comes from. it's not that this discomfort comes from something, but that everything else comes from this discomfort.
    i still crave the ability to be able to connect with people individually and not be so uncomfortable, but you can't change the fact i'll always still be a bit uncomfortable.

    also, i'd like to note that although i am an so-dom, i've never felt any of the characteristic "wanting to have an impact on my community" very much. it could also be that i'm a very withdrawn type (4w5), and i also grew up with two more withdrawn and introverted parents who didn't concern themselves with the outside world/people/community at all (besides basic things like jobs) out of choice.

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    Quote Originally Posted by citronnade View Post
    yeah, it's definitely discomfort with one on one interactions. it's not just self-consciousness or a need to escape (although that is certainly a product of it)-- it's simply just a discomfort and awkwardness with one-to-one interactions. i'm not sure where it comes from. it's not that this discomfort comes from something, but that everything else comes from this discomfort.
    i still crave the ability to be able to connect with people individually and not be so uncomfortable, but you can't change the fact i'll always still be a bit uncomfortable.

    also, i'd like to note that although i am an so-dom, i've never felt any of the characteristic "wanting to have an impact on my community" very much. it could also be that i'm a very withdrawn type (4w5), and i also grew up with two more withdrawn and introverted parents who didn't concern themselves with the outside world/people/community at all (besides basic things like jobs) out of choice.
    Aha Okay Thank you !


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    To SO-doms, when you are in public do you have some sort of embarrassment or uncomfortableness, and when you notice you have attention on you, when just walking on your own, how do you react, do you like it? Or just say don't fucking look at me lol?


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    Quote Originally Posted by Farag View Post
    To SO-doms, when you are in public do you have some sort of embarrassment or uncomfortableness, and when you notice you have attention on you, when just walking on your own, how do you react, do you like it? Or just say don't fucking look at me lol?
    What exactly do you mean by "attention"?

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    You're trying to find your subtype right? Where are you at, so far?

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    I already figured out myself as sx/sp with a help from a friend.


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    Quote Originally Posted by citronnade View Post
    What exactly do you mean by "attention"?
    Like walking, everybody looking at you with apparently no fucking reason


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    Quote Originally Posted by Farag View Post
    Like walking, everybody looking at you with apparently no fucking reason
    um. i think anyone would find it super weird

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    Quote Originally Posted by Farag View Post
    Did you know about that? LoL
    about what??

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    Quote Originally Posted by citronnade View Post
    about what??
    Nevermind lol.


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    My social last is like, I know no man Is an island. And I can't deny that, but actually I isolate myself for long periods of time (actually I am isolating myself now lol) and I don't EVER sacrifice my independence for a group, I don't give a funk how anybody view me, Its sometimes like, I don't want you to tell me what is appropriate and what is not ! Don't tell me what to do ! Just fuck off, but most of the time I don't really think about it. everybody say I am friendly and loving and I am genuinely loving and accepting but I am most of the time intense and care only about my friends. I am very competitive and want success and recognition, I can appeak like a three, but sometimes I don't care about either.


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