After trying to break away from the responsibility = Te thing... I believe I figured it out.Hmm... now that, I have to think more about. But then again I am defining responsibility in Te/Fi terms, ie, making my own money/collecting own resources, again being limited by my own cognition. Nice. More food for thought.
I am lying to myself, that I am a victim of circumstance. I have given up my personal power to make my own decisions, because "I had to." Because I told myself that was what the external environment demanded of me.
I was speaking to my best friend from college (an IEE, of course) - she knew something was up, "you're not yourself." I told her how annoyed I was at my work, commiserate, Fi pity party, and she said "If you don't like working there, then leave." "How can I leave?! I have bills to pay!" "If you really wanted to leave, you could - you're smart, you can find something else, and if you don't, then you have to ask yourself if you really hate it that much." I got irritated but… she was totally right.
It was a choice. It is true... I will say that I "had" to, be a good responsible mature adult for my family, but stop the bullshit of “it’s not the right time,” because really, any time has the potential to be the right time… and surely, if I actually did (or did not) want it, I would have done it by now.
In other words, get off your ass and do it, stop making excuses. And if you still hesitate and refuse to take action, make peace with the fact you did not actually want it, not that the circumstances are to blame.