Member Questionnaire 1 (nevermissabeat)
What is beauty? What is love?
Beauty and love are very abstract concepts that cannot really be measured in tangible ways. They are also very subjective so what one person finds beautiful, another could find ugly. Personally, I find beauty and love in nature and animals, in memories and heartfelt gestures, and in unpredictable natural moments and mystery.
What are your most important values?
I value inner harmony and trying to find peace within because the way we feel about ourselves can project onto others. I value authenticity and and empathy because it is important for me to connect with others on a deeper level. I value growth because we're all a bit damaged and it is our job to work on ourselves and become the best versions of ourselves. I value generosity because nothing on Earth was bound to us.
Do you have any sort of spiritual/religious beliefs, and why do you hold (or don't) those beliefs in the first place?
I am not religious and do not believe in God/Heaven/Hell etc, but I would say I'm somewhat spiritual. I try to practice mindfulness/meditation etc and believe that being around nature can be a healing experience.
Opinion on war and militaries? What is power to you?
I've never really been interested in war that much and I don't really engage in conflict as much as I can help it (unless I see someone bullying someone else or stepping over a value). I tend to withdraw from people who are more likely to be confrontational and seek a more easy-going crowd.
What have you had long conversations about? What are your interests? Why?
I tend to talk about my feelings a lot (my likes and dislikes, moments from movies that made me laugh/cry, my relationships etc). I like talking about emotions, relationships and why people do the things they do (I'm a psychology fan). I enjoy sharing my experiences with others and asking for advice on my current projects and goals.
Interested in health/medicine as a conversation topic? Are you focused on your body?
I am concerned about my health and fitness to some degree. I tend to go through phases of dieting and getting fit and I'll discuss recipes and techniques with others. Other times I can let myself go and neglect my health for ages. I'm very all or nothing with taking care of myself and life in general.
What do you think of daily chores?
I tend to be more likely to do my chores if I'm living with other people or at someone's house because I care about the image I'm presenting and want people to like me. When I'm on my own I can let them build up for ages.
Books or films you liked? Recently read/watched or otherwise. Examples welcome.
I just finished watching The Good Place series on Netflix and I loved it -- it combined really deep philosophical issues with heartfelt characters and silly humour, which is everything I love! I also love reading fantasy graphic novels like Saga and Monstress because I adore fictional universes and character-driven narratives.
What has made you cry? What has made you smile? Why?
I cry at the happy parts of movies because I feel I can empathise with characters a lot. I also cry in conflict if someone is mad or disappointed in me.
I smile at my boyfriend when he makes the extra effort to cheer me up after a bad day, or when I've achieved something or gotten praise from my boss at work.
Where do you feel: at one with the environment/a sense of belonging?
I love sitting by the river in summer, watching the ducks swim by and other families enjoy themselves. I like it when everyone around me is in a peaceful and happy mood because it feels like we're all one.
What have people seen as your weaknesses? What do you dislike about yourself?
I tend to blame myself a lot and get into these mood slumps where I wallow in my emotions. People have sometimes said I take things too personally. I also get told I'm too quiet and don't communicate enough and often seem nervous. I dislike that I'm not expressive enough (especially about positive things). I lack enthusiasm and lack focus on the present moment.
What have people seen as your strengths? What do you like about yourself?
People see me as down-to-earth and easy to talk to because I don't judge them and I'm willing to listen to the darker, personal stuff. People also say I'm prepared and practical with a good sense of right and wrong.
I like that I'm open-minded and humble about myself. I'm also still very much in touch with my youth and I'm always asking questions, keeping a sense of wonder and I like that.
In what areas of your life would you like help?
I need help getting out of my "lazy phases" and getting tasks done straight away. I'm a great planner and can get things started but I'm not great at finishing things and sticking to routines. I think I give myself too much to do in one go (e.g. I'll give myself 10 books to read in 5 months, and tell myself I'll read every night... then I'll get annoyed at myself for not having finished them in the timeframe I set for myself)
Ever feel stuck in a rut? If yes, describe the causes and your reaction to it.
Yes, I do. Sometimes I fantasize about all the things my life COULD be and I'll start to get annoyed at my current life and won't do anything about it because it feels impossible... so I procrastinate and distract myself until I feel even worse.
What qualities do you most like and dislike in other people? What types do you get along with?
I like open-minded, easy-going people who are sensitive, loyal, polite and well-humoured. I like people who can empathize and talk about emotions and people who stay on top of current trends. I especially like creative people who are interested in the arts and music.
How do you feel about romance/sex? What qualities do you want in a partner?
I'm not overly soppy or romantic as I'm more low-key, but I do appreciate thoughtfulness. I want someone who is willing to adapt to my personality as I would adapt to theirs and someone who always wants to work on the relationship and figure out new ways of growing together and inspiring each other. I want someone who will focus on my positives and bring me out of my shell and tell me what they're feeling openly and honestly. I like someone who is more dominant as I prefer to be submissive. Also, I appreciate when my partner comes across as attractive to other people as it makes me feel good.
If you were to raise a child, what would be your main concerns, what measures would you take, and why?
I would be concerned the child would go through what I went through as a child myself (e.g. I was super shy and anxious and I'd want to help my child become more confident and sociable). I would hope that I'd be honest with my child and patient when they make mistakes. I'd want to encourage them to do what they love and not worry so much about what others thought of them. I'd want to teach them all the important life skills early on such as social etiquette, keeping healthy, being wary of strangers etc etc.
A friend makes a claim that clashes with your current beliefs. What is your inward and outward reaction?
My inward reaction would be slight disappointment but also curiosity as to how they reached that opinion. I'd wonder if they picked up such values from their parents or a bad experience. I'd outwardly question them and try to propose an alternative point of view (but I'd do it in a non-judgemental and positive way so as not to cause conflict). I'd try to understand why they thought that way and see if I can connect with anything they were saying. I'm willing to adapt to their views if they made a good enough case.
Describe your relationship to society. How do you see people as a whole? What do you consider a prevalent social problem? Name one.
I've always felt like a bit of an outsider if I'm honest. I often feel like I have imposter syndrome and people are going to see right through me so I tend to withdraw a lot and keep a lot of my daily activities private. I prefer to let people know me on my own terms. I feel like a lot of society lacks empathy and is very quick to judge those who stray from social norms and treats overly sensitive people as "snowflakes".
How do you choose your friends and how do you behave around them?
I tend to call somebody a friend after I've known them several weeks and I've been through some kind of emotional or novel experience with them. I tend to bond better with one-on-one situations and if someone can recognize the hints and signals and send out without having to probe me then I'm instantly a fan.
How do you behave around strangers?
I'm very reserved and try to limit my interactions with them and stick with those I know. I don't always know how to engage in small talk and ask them questions about their lives, but the moment they talk about something that I relate to (e.g. a movie we both like or a hobby we both share) I can become more enthusiastic and open up around them.