Hello again, I doubt anyone remembers me, but here I am (and in case you do, I apologize for whatever I did). I took a hiatus from typology for some years because I started to feel that it didn't make any sense, and because of the non-existent empirical evidence in favor of it. The more I read the less sense it made, so it was a good time to pack my things and spend my time with other things instead. I self-identified as IEI, but I'm not convinced by that typing any longer. I can't really relate to Fe because I'm usually not very expressive, be it physically or verbally. I thought it might say something about me, so this is a bonus that may or may not say something about me.
What do you study or do for a living? How did you come to do that? What do you like or dislike about it?
I work with people who are disabled, autism, down's syndrome etc. It doesn't quite fit me, I'm too much of an introvert, and playing the role where I always have patience and a smile on my face is straining. Other than that, a lot of it is just household chores, which I also find incredibly boring and dull. I enjoy the people I work with, including the people I'm helping, but not everything else about the job.
I studied cognitive neuropsychology and philosophy. It was great fun, but at some point when I designed and did my own experiment on my last term, I got exhausted and depressed and couldn't keep the studying up any longer. Shame, because I really enjoy studying. I would have liked to be a scientist, but the idea of spending time with uncertain positions, moving back and fourth, the immense competition for each position, no guarantee that I will get to research a subject I really care about, or applying for grants feels plain bad. My rose-tinted view of what being a scientist would be like shattered and I'd much rather just get a decent job with equal pay right away. I'm considering being the person you go to for applying for disability help for down's and so on, I still like the target group, just not daily chores.
What are your values, and why?
Be polite, respect others. Politically I'm left because I think that politics should work with the slogan "as good as possible for as many as possible". At some point I became disillusioned with the "free market", it's bullshit propaganda. Corporation's first obligation is to make profit, and if there are no regulations it will happen in any way possible, exploiting consumers and workers. Plus, the "free market" tends towards monopoly in the long run. Eventually there's only a few big corporations that fight between them. In the video game world you could just look at EA, their motto seems to be "acquire and devour", and spit out the remaining bones once they are done. I could go on, but I chose not to at this point, I think I made my point already. Also, I believe that veganism is the only ethically defensible diet, because I'm an atheist that believes that humans are animals too.
What else do you do on a daily basis? What are your interests and hobbies? Why do you do them?
I pet my cats and make electronic music. The cats are awesome, they are cats, obviously. The electronic music feels like a creative and emotional outlet for me, and it's a hobby that requires expertise. There's lots of room for improvement, always, and it's part of the charm for me. If I could master it quickly I'd grow bored of it, I thrive better when I can feel like there's room for improvement. I enjoy picking up new methods, tips and tricks of doing things, and experimenting and see where I end up. Most of the time I feel like I fail to realize my initial idea, but after sulking for a few hours I keep getting back at it because I don't want to be a quitter.
Describe your relations with family and friends. What do you like and dislike about them?
They are mostly good, except for a few. My father is a racist and climate denier, it's strained when we discuss it, but he has always respected my opinion so it's slightly easier, I don't get shouted at at least. My sisters and mom are good, it feels like I can speak freely with them, and they accept me with my quirks I feel. My mother's husband on the other hand, we are like oil and water. As soon as I say "what if" to one of his statements he gets angry, really angry and goes off on a rant about how right he is. Meanwhile, I'm feeling like I only posed an innocent question, like "can you technically say that it's "more vacuum" if vacuum is the absence of something?" in response to him saying "more vacuum", I thought this was an innocent question that could be answered with a simple yes or no, but he took offense and went on an angry rant, "I work with this, I know what I'm talking about blablablabla!!!!". He's super-sensitive when you hit the right spots, and it's super-annoying, because I feel like I have to walk on eggshells around him because I feel conflict is so unnecessary.
What do you look for in friends? In romantic relationships?
Depth before breadth. I want us to be able to get along, and to have meaningful conversations. I tend to compartmentalize my friends a bit unintentionally, like "this friend is my music friend, this childhood friend is my "fun" friend" and so on. I'd prefer if that wasn't the case, but it's automatic, I suppose. In romantic relationships I want them to be a special friend.
What conflicts have you encountered recently with other people? Why did they happen? Which kinds seem to happen on a regular basis?
Most recent was with a guy that critiqued one of my songs. He basically said it was bad in some respects and that I should "go watch youtube" to learn to EQ. It pissed me off because 1) it's not constructive 2) it's insulting to insinuate that I'm not already trying to improve 3) it's obvious, like saying that the sun will rise. He apologized in case he was too harsh, but I didn't accept it because he apologized about the wrong thing, and I told him the sun will rise-thing, but I don't think he got it. I'm not concerned about keeping up the pretense to someone that I don't like, so whatever. He stopped responding and that was the best thing he could do.
I try my best to be polite and not offend anyone unnecessarily, but if someone bites I tend to bite back. It's probably the area I'd look at improving next, to act like the "better person" instead of arguing until the other person either breaks, grows bored of me, or someone else comes in to mediate.
How would your friends describe you?
Calm, quiet, weird. Slow, thoughtful, and uhm...
What do people generally see as your strengths? What do you like about yourself?
My intellect, I suspect. When on a subject I've researched I'm knowledgeable and can more times than not talk people down even if it turns out later that I'm not right. I can also give critique on stuff, analyze things. I tend to be wary to hand out critique unless asked for, because I'm insecure about how much I can give before the other person gets hurt. I like that about myself anyway, my analytical ability.
At work my work ethics is super strong, and I'm liked by everyone. That's also nice, that I can put on a mask with a role that convinces others very much of my ability.
What are your weaknesses? What criticism do you often face from others? What do you dislike about yourself?
They say I'm lazy and that I can be sloppy, in particular to physical labor. That I'm not more energetic, I hate it. I don't want to be a duracell rabbit, but a bit more energy, and consistent could be nice. My living area is a mess, chaos.
In what areas of life can you manage well on your own? In what areas of your life would you like help?
I feel confident with money, I'm not a spender and as long I remember I can always pay my bills.
Physical stuff, all kinds of household chores. Cleaning, cooking, etc. Now, I'm decent at cooking, but it's such a chore and when I was a teenager I was so lazy I ate ramen uncooked because I couldn't be bothered to boil it for 3 mins.
What things do you dislike doing? What things do you enjoy more than others?
I enjoy getting lost in observing and thinking about stuff. Something can catch my attention, be it a pattern, an especially beautiful leaf on the ground or just some bug that's crawling around. I can get lost just looking at a leaf intensely, seriously, just watching how it's structured, what other qualities it has, what's it's texture and so on.
What goals, aspirations, or plans do you have for the future? How did you come to have them?
Getting into a stable job that I think I'll enjoy in the long run. I just want a stable life for once and I've noticed that even though I'm not a fan of routine, I feel better when I have it. Comes with age, I suppose, I'm 30 now.
If you had enough money to live comfortably for the rest of your life without working, what would you do with your time?
Spend time with my cats, my partner, make music, go into nature, play lots of board games with friends. That's on top of my head, perhaps I'd travel every once in a while too, like once a year or something.
What traits do you find endearing that others might dislike? What traits are considered positive/neutral by others but tend to annoy you?
People that tell their opinion. I dislike when people keep quiet about what they think even when asked. If a person tells their opinion I have something to engage with and we can agree on something, but this whole "not going to say" and then sulk in a corner I cannot stand. Suit yourself, lol.
What kinds of things do you do to manage and/or beautify your environment (your room, your house, etc.)? What do you think of daily chores?
I clean the litter box. Yep, that's about it. I only do dishes and so on when I have to. Daily chores are
How do you behave around strangers?
Straight-faced, polite, dry.
How do you react to conflict? What do you do if somebody insults or attacks you?
It depends on my mood, sometimes I take it to heart, most of the time I just think they are stupid. It depends much on the context on what I do. Sometimes it feels like just ignoring the comment is the best way to assert that you aren't affected. Sometimes when I actually do get hurt I usually bite back, somehow. But I'm not too sure, I also go into tunnel vision and don't always remember too good what I do, like the memory is fuzzy.
What is one common misconception that people have about things? Explain why it is wrong.
The "free market" is a fairy tale meant to maintain the order of society, but there's no empirical evidence that the "invisible hand" works as it's proposed to be working. There is no invisible hand that regulates the market. That the "free market" can solve societal issues is the biggest joke of them all, compare health care in USA to Sweden or something, in one it ruins your life if you get cancer, in the other you don't question whether or not you can afford it, it's a given.
What did you do last Friday?
I stayed at home with my cats, drank a beer or two, and made electronic music, read up a bit about socionics and watched The Witcher.
What is your biggest accomplishment?
Right now, it feels like that I have a song on Spotify with vocals. It's not much, but it was great for me, because I've worked hard at becoming better since August, and I made something that was at least half-way decent to put up there.
Other than that, my biggest accomplishment has been my bachelor's degree in cognitive neuropsychology and philosophy.
What is something you regret?
I regret a lot of things. But one common theme is probably "why didn't I do it sooner?"
Who do you admire, and why?
I think it's wrong to admire people. Everyone has flaws, and we should try to see them for what they are. Is a person good or bad? They're human, like it or not. I tend to not admire people because sooner or later that person may do something that I disagree with. There's plenty of examples, like JonTron. Love his videos and humor, but damn, his twitter rant was really disappointing to me, that he could be 1) so misguided and factually incorrect, and 2) such an asshole. Therefore, it's better to not admire people, I don't think it's good, it's a sure way to get disappointed.
What's been on your mind? Has anything been worrying or concerning you? What problems have you encountered lately?
I'm concerned about not being good enough with my music. I know I haven't been doing it for a long time, but I never can shake the feeling that I should be better. I want to be better, and I try my best, but there's only so much one can do when inexperienced.
What are your religious or spiritual beliefs and why do you hold them?
Atheist. Convinced/strong. I don't see why there would be a god, or anything supernatural. Atheism isn't as problematic as religious belief. Although, I feel like I was meant to be religious, but I cannot be. I have a natural tendency towards it, I think, but I became disillusioned when I was 15 or so, and it has remained.
What are your political beliefs, and why? To what extent do you care about politics?
Leftist. I care in the sense that it affect people in their everyday lives. So, of course it's important. Not sure if I should get into politics myself, I feel a bit too passive, and a lot of the days I just want to do something else than worry about politics. I want to be able to shut it off from time to time.
Would you ever be interested in starting a business? Why or why not? What role would you play in it? What kind of business would it be?
Hrm... I don't think so, it would take too much effort. Living two years without wage just to get started? No thanks. If I had to, I'd probably enjoy it, seeing as it would be an opportunity to sculpt something into my liking, and I suspect that I have a knack for seeing what is missing/what needs to be done.
What kind? Difficult to tell, I can't think of anything.
What kind of work environment do you prefer? What do you look for in a job?
I want it to be stable, and I want to be able to let it go when I go home. Otherwise, I get really stressed and probably will burn out within a year or two. Also, it should not be dull. Not entirely sure if I can put it into words, but I want an intellectually challenging job, to an extent. Not too much so I exhaust myself before the day is over, but at a middle level so I don't get bored.
What is or was your favorite school subject and why?
I liked math, biology, physics the most. Chemistry is also cool, but I'm super poor at it, I like to say that chemistry is the subject in which I got to experience what it is like for those with learning disabilities. Music was fun too, and then language to an extent. Sports, society and history I really didn't like. I should like geography, but I'm ambivalent towards it, but I like flags and can name a lot of them.
Math gave me small kicks when the assignment questions finally clicked and just made sense. It was a powerful feeling.
Biology because I just like nature and such.
Physics was fun in a similar way to math, plus it felt like I understood the world better. Also a powerful feeling.
How do you approach responsibility? What do you tend to expect of others?
I try to be responsible at work, and I try to be responsible for others.
Where did you go on your most recent vacation? What did you do there? How did you like it and why?
To be honest, I don't remember. The only ones I remember I wasn't in control of deciding.
What were you like as a kid? How have you changed since you were a child?
Quiet and a loner. I'm more social now as an adult, that's the biggest difference, I think.
What was your high school experience like?
Bad, because I was depressed. I had friends and the like, so if my health had been good, I think I would have thought of it as a good time.
Talk about a significant event from your life.
Do you like kids? Why or why not?
Sure. They are like animals, and I like animals. I have an easy time speaking with children too, I think that's just how I was made.
If you were to raise a child, what would be your main concerns, what measures would you take, and why?
I'd be very careful to raise a moral child. Knowing right from wrong, acting with respect, apologizing when appropriate and so on. This is how I was raised, and I would want to raise my child that way too. I feel I've had great help in life relying upon that, like being polite and give a smile to a stranger even though you don't really care about him.
Ever feel stuck in a rut? If yes, describe the causes and your reaction to it.
Yes. With my music making, I haven't felt inspired in two weeks or so. It's incredibly frustrating. I feel like I should be able to do something, but I cannot. So instead I waste time doing stuff like this (no offense, I'm also on here), and try to keep myself occupied. Doing something to distract myself from the gnawing feeling of "I should be making music now". I already did some today, so eh, but I probably don't know when enough music making is enough.
How do you see other people as a whole? What do you consider a prevalent social problem? Name one.
As humans with good and bad sides. They tend towards irrationality as a whole and have inconsistent beliefs. Which is fine I guess, for the most time, but it becomes frustrating when it comes to politics or other subjects that affect human lives.
Social problem? Perhaps that we live in a society with a strong hierarchical order when there is little need for one. To some extent, maybe, I think that's only natural, but right now it's kinda fucked up. We have homeless people but we also have people that have as much money as Scrooge McDuck. Fair? I think not...
What do you do if you're not getting what you want? What approach do you use?
I tend to not expect to get what I want beforehand, I'm not disappointed that way. Because of that, if I don't get it, I tend to just shrug it off, it doesn't bother me all that much.
Are you comfortable taking leadership roles? In what areas? Why or why not?
Only when no one else steps up to take the leadership role. I'm more comfortable as an "ideas guy" that can sit on the side and tell others of my ideas on a topic.
How often do you get angry? What kinds of things make you angry?
Genuinely angry, not that much. Annoyed I can get at all kinds of things, I'm not sure if I can tell what the pattern to annoyed it.
I can't quite remember what makes me angry. When I get angry I tunnel vision and my memory is fuzzy.
What is the best thing that happened to you during the past week?
I have a song on Spotify. Yay!
What is the worst thing that happened to you during the past week?
I have a song on Spotify.
What is the purpose of life? What do you find personally meaningful in life?
There is no meaning to life, aside from what you create for yourself. For me it's to try and enjoy it as best I can. I find friends and family meaningful, and arts.
What is the most interesting place you have been, and why?
Turkey. It was such a different culture. I wanted to go into a Mosque, but I never did. I regret that now.
How do you dress or manage your appearance?
Black and stylish, in my own biased opinion.
Do you like surprises?
It depends on the surprise. Sometimes I can like it, but in particular negative surprises can be tough to deal with. I feel like I'm rarely surprised, but getting surprised from time to time can jog the system a bit, otherwise, things might be too monotonous.