Dislike of duals

[Tallmo]

But dating is hard! Look at @Adam Strange ; so many years and he still hasn’t found an ESI wife. What if I end up like that?? Though, hmm, my mother has tried to set me up with girls, lots of whom were ESE. Seems to have thought they’d be a good match for me. I could ask her to do that — “hey Mom, can you try to set me up with someone who’s a lot like you?”

But Adam is older than you (I assume), and dating gets harder as time goes by and all good ones are taken.

I found duals pretty fast when I was new to socionics and wanted to date. Just through an online dating site. We spent a summer together. It wasn't that good for some personal reasons, but that's precisely why I got a better understanding of duality. Because duality is an objective phenomenon. The basic chemistry was always there. She was Creative subtype. I later met other (and more compatible) duals through social dancing.

At one point I and a LII friend of mine were "dual-hunting" together. I remember when he had just met an ESE at a dance and they were talking. I had to leave quickly because they totally occupied the conversation. No need for me anymore. The opposite thing happened when he had been on a date with an ILE and I also met her. Suddenly she and I were talking and he was the outsider.

It's almost a technical thing. You might not have anything in common, but your reactions and interaction become natural. They just flow.

But I'm not trying to tell you to leave your gf. If I were you I would probably ask her to marry me. Activation is compatible and all people have flaws.

@Tallmo, continuing the thought I had earlier, when I spend too much time with my SEI I begin to feel drained. Like I’ve got to constantly amp up the Ne and be performative, and “bridge” these constant assumptions and thoughts that she brings up with Ne-Ti, which is fine in the short term, but isn’t in my nature to do constantly. It’s hard to explain. Like at everything in life, she wants these grand ideas that all fit together for her; everything has to be integrated into a grand worldview, maybe. Perfect for an ILE! Whereas I do better with ESEs constantly talking about ideas they’ve already formed — they seem more like they’re constantly asking for advice/refining of their ideas, which comes more easily to me.

Good description. I feel the same with LIIs. They drain me and pull out too much Fe from me.

My own view on duality right now is that it can be fantastic chemistry and a bliss. But it can also be deceptive because the chemistry kindof takes over and makes you forget that there is maybe not so much real human connection and understanding. (It can be, but not always). I think it is best to look for someone with a decent socionics relation (same quadra + semidual) but someone whom one can genuinely relate to, not just socionically but in a more general way.

[Adam Strange]

But Adam is older than you (I assume), and dating gets harder as time goes by and all good ones are taken.

I found duals pretty fast when I was new to socionics and wanted to date. Just through an online dating site. We spent a summer together. It wasn't that good for some personal reasons, but that's precisely why I got a better understanding of duality. Because duality is an objective phenomenon. The basic chemistry was always there. She was Creative subtype. I later met other (and more compatible) duals through social dancing.

At one point I and a LII friend of mine were "dual-hunting" together. I remember when he had just met and ESE at a dance and they were talking. I had to leave quickly because they totally occupied the conversation. No need for me anymore. The opposite thing happened when he had been on a date with an ILE and I also met her. Suddenly she and I were talking and he was the outsider.

It's almost a technical thing. You might not have anything in common, but your reactions and interaction become natural. They just flow.

But I'm not trying to tell you to leave your gf. If I were you I would probably ask her to marry me. Activation is compatible and all people have flaws.



Good description. I feel the same with LIIs. They drain me and pull out too much Fe from me.

My own view on duality right now is that it can be fantastic chemistry and a bliss. But it can also be deceptive because the chemistry kind of takes over and makes you forget that there is maybe not so much real human connection and understanding. (It can be, but not always). I think it is best to look for someone with a decent socionics relation (same quadra + semidual) but someone whom one can genuinely relate to, not just socionically but in a more general way.

I agree with the bolded part. Duality is definitely a feeling that can take over and make you forget that the two of you might not have much in common.

The LIE-ESI duality is basically based on work, in the sense that both LIE and ESI value work and value a helpmate. (Probably Alpha dualities are based on mutual relaxation.) And as the duals get older without being dualized, they grow further and further apart in their work equivalencies, so joining forces becomes more and more of a problem.

I think that the most ideal situation is where the duals meet before they start their careers, and thus they can grow and progress in step with each other.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TBGO_OBp9y8

[redundantoxymoron]

Good description. I feel the same with LIIs. They drain me and pull out too much Fe from me.

Question for you and @FreelancePoliceman, Do you think the draining issue here is due to your introversion or is it specific to the draw on the creative function?