I think Gulenko has described such situations http://www.wikisocion.net/en/index.p...Dual_Relations
dual is an introverted relation so it's better not to have common friends and third parties. It's like a contradiction in Marxism philosophy.
I think Gulenko has described such situations http://www.wikisocion.net/en/index.p...Dual_Relations
dual is an introverted relation so it's better not to have common friends and third parties. It's like a contradiction in Marxism philosophy.
Question for you and @FreelancePoliceman, Do you think the draining issue here is due to your introversion or is it specific to the draw on the creative function?
Re the above, my impression of male logicians is that they are potentially more... stable, compared to ethical types of guys. I get the sense that they take things other than just how they feel into account before entering a relationship. Ethical types seem to me like they would almost likely take people or good relationships for granted. I can learn emotionally at the same kind of pace as logical types too. However, as a woman my level of knowledge and experience in this realm is going to be a lot higher compared to the average logician guy at my age.
I also don’t seek out guys who are more masculine than I am. The opposite actually.
I could see ethical types trying to emotionally enforce things more, but only if they themselves feel pressured in the same way. Logical types would have similar motivations, just less means.
@sbbds, as a “male Logistician”, I do take things other than how I feel into account when evaluating relationships.
If I see a woman who looks attractive, I say to myself, “OK, small first step. She’s attractive. Now let’s start doing some in-depth research.”
I don’t allow myself to fully “like” someone in a romantic sense until I’ve really considered why I like her, and those reasons have to go far beyond a pretty face.
Re: stable, maybe. For me personally... and who knows, maybe I'm just a screwed up ESE (lmao)... I do not think I look for men more "masculine" than myself. In fact, I find it hard to understand precisely what that means: no, I do not do the makeup and the looking cute thing, but I'm not particularly aggressive or in your face, either, and I am not terrible at seeming "socially appropriate" at a distance. But yes, I agree with the fact I have had more experience in having to do this than men may have had in similar positions as myself.
I do not seek out guys as a general rule, but if I did, he likely would be more stereotypically masculine than me, yes... of course, as above, I do not consider myself all that masculine, just maybe "not feminine," if you will, so take it with a grain of salt.
@Adam Strange: Her being attractive is the first thing you look at, though you know you want more than a pretty face? What kind of research do you do when deciding to pursue it further or not?
True, have this seen, a plethora of SLE gals trying to date other logical types, particularly LSEs and LSIs, and some ILE women will go with LIEs.
It happens the other way around as well.
Some time ago I attended a psych group that was applying Hellinger approach to let people either heal from failed relationships, family romantic or otherwise, or discover what it is what they were searching for in a relationship. There was a girl sitting at a chair next to me, kind of jittery and steely feel to her. We talked a few before it was her turn to go up. Turned out that the problem she came with was she was repeatedly dating men whom she viewed as being weaker than herself. Then she has tried dating "manly" men to find a man as strong as herself, but those relationships would inevitably fail and end. So in this group she wanted to discover what it was that pulled her towards men that she perceived being "weak" and why those other relationships have failed. Needless to say, she was a female of logical type, particularly an LSE, who, from her story, was dating Fi leading men whom she viewed as being weak and therefore not worthy of a relationship. So she'd shrug the Fi guys aside, try to date yet another ExTx, only to end up in yet another unsatisfying relationship that led her to attend these psych groups.
@remiges, I first notice attractiveness because I’m a very visual person.
When I was in my twenties, my criteria were basically that a woman be reasonably attractive and have a certain sexiness and that she be DTF. I really didn’t care much beyond that. As I’m sure you can imagine, this led to a lot of craziness and failed relationships.
When I was nearing 30, I started looking for a woman who would be a good mother. Intelligence and a stable personality took precedence over looks or great sex. This led me to marry an intelligent, attractive but not sexy Caregiver, and this lasted until she decided that the time and available resources were right for her to bail.
The next GF was basically a proof-of-Socionics project, and in that sense, was wildly successful.
I am now looking for an attractive, intelligent ESI with at least a half-decent job, who doesn’t obviously have more problems than I do. Bonus points if she has artistic taste and is sexual. Jackpot if she’s able and wishing to have kids.
I “research” a woman to find out if we are compatible simply by getting to know her better. I don’t actually stalk women because if I can’t find out what I want to know by being frank and open, then we probably don’t have a future in any case.
Last edited by Adam Strange; 02-22-2020 at 03:33 PM.
Interesting. Part of me wondered if how people were attracted to others was type-related (would be another interesting proof of Socionics type thing) but I’m wondering if it is actually more based on gender... Has a thread like this ever been made, I wonder?
In general, what someone looks like is very low on my priority list. I often may not even notice what they look like, disregarding the extreme of really looking like a mess (ie, twigs in his hair, smelling like not having showered in a month).
In my particular case, my LSE mother made it clear from the first that Feelers were stupid and I was expected to marry someone who would reflect well on the family. Lol. Clearly a case of do what I say, not what I do. She married an SLI who was smart, yes, but she did not set a great example when it came to being a good mother. Her goal was to make it appear to others that her family was perfect. But inside the family, the beatings would continue until the attitudes improved.
I swear, @Aramas. People move through three stages of attraction. The first stage is to be attracted to someone like your parents, for the lizard brain and maybe approval, or for the purpose of working out something that went seriously wrong with a parent, using someone who is like them, but is not them.
The second stage is to be attracted to someone like yourself, for validation, and because it's quick and easy.
The third stage is to be attracted to someone who will help you grow into a better person.
I think your classmate was at stage 1 or stage 2.
Last edited by Adam Strange; 02-22-2020 at 05:23 PM.
Attracted to someone like your parents? Yikes.
Reading this brought me back to when ppl would say my animosity towards @Adam Strange was some aggressor victim thing, lol. Now that the animosity has been observed over time to be faded, maybe bitches will believe me when I say that it unequivocally was not.
(As for the "enjoying fighting" thing, I might hesitatingly acknowledge in retrospect how it has contributed to long term relationship interest or something, but it's not like I pick fights for fun or get turned on in the moment.)
I'm not often attracted to anyone I'm compatible with. Actually, I don't think it's ever happened. There must be some reason for it. Or maybe there isn't?
I met someone about two years ago who was like my dad. Instant instinctive hatred on sight. So Adam's stages don't follow for me.
I agree with Aramas. Your experiences are not universal.
Society also trains women specifically to marry up. So ExTx women, who are more likely to be successful in the way you describe, are unlikely to seek ExTx men then. Which is oddly enough in conflict with the original idea @silke
lol
I wonder what happens though if your parent(s) are your dual, semidual, or activator type. I'm not sure of my type yet (40Q linked in signature) but overall I lean towards LII or at least LxI and have been typed as such the most often. My parents are ESE and IEE. My sister is SLI, probably. So we're our parents' duals, most likely. I wonder if that impacts dual seeking.
My SLI ex-wife has a sister who is her dual. It was never stated, but they were so close that I instinctively knew (long before I knew anything about Socionics) that if my ex-wife could save only one of us, it would be her sister, not me.
Her father was LSE and her mother was almost certainly IEI, although I never met her. That's just from the many descriptions. When her father abandoned the family, she had to live with her sisters and her IEI mother, who basically gave up on parenting, so my ex-wife had to take on the role of Mother to the family. I'm not certain how much this affected her, but she married a guy who was a lot like her abandoning father (me, an LIE). Maybe she was trying to fix things.
It’s more common than not, though of course you wouldn’t consciously want to recognize it. People get into patterns of interaction and imago-like triggers that begin in childhood. You’d need to really meta-analyze to see it in some cases, but it’s almost always an element there in the relationship, fueling the “inexplicable attraction”.
As types are only a part of what influences on a sympathy, then such is possible. Seems, did not met such cases.
I'm not sure if they're my duals (because I don't know my type), but EIE people tend to harass me and treat me like I'm an idiot (maybe I am, but it's like they don't trust anything I say or do and aren't willing to give a good explanation why they don't agree with me and they never treat me like I'm a competent person unless they're worried they're going to lose something from me and they're not great judges of who is smart and who has a high IQ) so it causes me so many negative feelings. I have harassed people as well, but not usually consciously; it was often impulsively but EIE have more self-control and foresight than I do. Whenever I do think try to think ahead, the future usually doesn't turn out like I thought it would. But I've generally just preferred to work at my own pace and to respond to people as they need it, sometimes withing schedules. Unfortunately, my processing speed is very low. I think I really just work best with pleasant people; the fact that they're strangers usually doesn't have a huge impact on how I treat them.
I've almost always had a huge preference for Ti-ego women (and friends and people I'm meeting for the first time) of the creative function subtypes although occasionally EII and IEI of both subtypes work for me; ESI are not always so pleasant (even though I don't always show it, I prefer the LSI-Se warmth and politeness, they're usually pretty kind or at least pleasant in some way to people who are new to them) and I haven't had any in-person interaction with people I knew to be SEI. I'm not sure why, but it seems like EIE women just can't quite win my mind and imagination like ILE-Ti usually can (I just can't quite keep EIE women on my mind forever like I can keep Ti-ego creative function subtype women on my mind and EIE just aren't quite as charming and beautiful as ILE-Ti are), even if many EIE can win my body, give me great sensations (but they still can't do it quite like ILE-Ti and usually LSI-Se women can).
Seems like EIEs generally enjoy harassing people in general in my experience. They're always looking for a way to climb the social ladder, and if crapping on someone will help them get there, many of them will do it. They're one of the types that's very good at a controlled outburst -- appearing to be highly emotional in a situation in which they're actually very self-controlled. Other people think their "reaction" is genuine, so they appear justified.
My processing speed is pretty low too. I don't have the advantage of on-the-fly thinking that lets people succeed in situations with heated conflict. Usually means I end up losing in those cases and looking bad.
My last dual was a covered narcissist and did want to Megan me into selling my hunting collection
I could see how maybe LSI types would find me absolutely mad, and would refrain from having a serious relationship with me because of that. But I don't dislike them.
I've noticed something about LSI and SLI types, though.. I think LSI people find me quite strange, while SLI are the ones who actually tell me to my face when I'm being crazy and should strive for a change. The LSI would never do that for me. I sometimes like not knowing about my flaws, because I'm quite painfully aware of them and wish nobody else would. But it's like SLI people are the ones who actually notice, and have the cajones to say something about them. Not sure how to feel about this.
I can't help but feel happy around LSI-Se subtypes. Don't know who I'd pin down as a LSI-Ti subtype.. Geralt from The Witcher, maybe? I find him very interesting and I could melt into him.