Originally Posted by
Adam Strange
On the fourth (chaste) date with an ESI, we again went to a restaurant, and she invited me back to her place for coffee.
Fortunately, I read the manual on How to get Dreiser.
Preface.
First, think – do you need this? It is only at first glance that Dreiser seems gentle and good-natured. Do you need to be fed (with what she sees as fit) taken care of (the way she sees it fit) and taught how to live? If not, then it's better to not initiate anything. Maybe she will leave in the end, but you'll feel yourself the last bastard for at least six months.
Chapter one. "Hi girl, may we get acquainted?" - "You may. Begin."
Becoming acquainted with an ESI is easy. Usually it's enough to demonstrate your interest. No, not in her. In getting to know her. In response to any interest shown in her ("hey, what are you reading? do you like it?"), and other imposing questions, an inadequate reaction could follow. In general, fewer questions. Better tell something interesting yourself.
Any questions are best formulated in the form of ideas or proposals: "I will escort you out. Do you mind?"
Relax. If she doesn't like something, she will let you know.
Chapter Two. Flirting or the club?
Two of the most common ways to direct relations into a more intimate course – flirting and pressuring – here can lead to unexpected results.
No, Dreiser will willingly flirt ... and only flirt. No guarantee that this will lead to anything else. The same with pressuring. Rude pressure will be perceived as an assault, polite – as a game.
This means that you will be trying to seduce Dreiser, and she, with pleasure participating in this activity, will not become seduced. The activity itself is more interesting than the outcome (if the end outcome is more interesting, Drayka will seduce you herself).
However, the "distraction" method works well on her: "I read to the beloved selected chapters from the course of differential geometry". Dreiser will be taken in by an interesting story, and relax ... here she can be taken warm. Or you.
Chapter Three. Financial matters.
Dreisers very much appreciate efforts and attention that were spent on them. Only they appreciate not the absolute, but the relative quantity. They are well capable of determining how much effort you have invested.
Meaning, if you are a millionaire, an expensive gift will leave her indifferent (another matter, if you are a poor student). But if you have managed to find an hour in your busy schedule to spend this time with her ...
If you have good imagination and conventional courting is not in your style, the most original gift will not make an impression as much as doing something traditional (and, conversely, if you are more traditional, rely on your imagination). In short, do something that you wouldn't naturally do, for her beautiful eyes.
Chapter Four. Overview.
An important sign that you are considered to be "her own" is an invitation to her home. If you're persistently not being invited over (and you know that she has a place), your chances are getting progressively smaller. To seduce an ESI on a foreign territory is much more difficult.
But don't consider an invitation to her home as an invite for something more. It's much safer to interpret what she says literally. If you are asked to "go have a cup of coffee" – what was meant is a cup and some coffee.
So everything stated in the manual was happening exactly as described. She was saying she just wanted to be friends and she wasn't interested in a relationship. She was saying this every chance she gets. She has taken to telling me stories about guys who tried to date her and did some spectacularly foolish thing, like hitting on her or showing an interest in her, and then they had to be kicked out forever. Fail.
As I was in her kitchen drinking some coffee out of a cup, she told me a story about one guy she was going with who asked her to stop the car so he could get out and take a leak. When he returned to the car, he asked her if she'd been spying on him while he was relieving himself.
She stopped and waited for my reaction. She was doing a slow burn.
I have to admit, I've had thoughts along those lines myself at times, and even suggested to one GF that she could use one of those moments to write her name in the snow. If she could write in cursive, that is.
But I didn't think that story was what the ESI was exactly looking for.
I thought about trying to share her moral outrage, but I just didn't feel like it, so I threw caution to the wind and said to her, "Most guys really like their junk, and they are looking for a woman who likes it as much as they do."
I don't think this was what she was expecting, but she said that she appreciated the fact that I say exactly what I think, because that makes things easier for her. And that guy had the wrong idea about how she felt about him. And now he was gone.
I told her I was fine with just being friends, and then, since I was on a roll of oversharing, I told her that I'd read an article on how women like her acted on dates, and it said that aggressive women don't like to be pushed into intimacy. And if I hadn't read that article, I'd probably have made a pass at her, because I've been on dates with women who rewarded me for making a pass at them. But as it is, I'm just enjoying some coffee and her company, and I'm fine with that.
I finished my coffee and asked her if she wanted to go out again, and she stated that she was pretty busy for the next few weeks and really couldn't say right now.
I said, "Well, text me when you have some time," and then I left.
Two days later, she texted me and said "Are you free the Saturday after next? Anytime."
That Dreiser manual has made a huge difference, to tell the truth. If I'd never read it, I'd have made a pass long ago and would have been left at the side of the road. Honestly, I think her behavior is actually normal for ESI's (No No No No no No no No), and my instinctive behavior is way too aggressive for LIE's. Fortunately, I can read. And if this all comes to nothing, as it may, well, at least I've has some coffee. In a cup.