Got this from thehotelambush thread. Found the questionnaire interesting and wanted to give it a whirl. I hope I'm doing this right.
What do you study or do for a living? How did you come to do that? What do you like or dislike about it?
Without going into too much details at this time, I am an art student. I have come to doing that because it's what I most enjoy doing and what I am best at naturally. I tried to run from that because of me self-doubting my own capabilities and what not, though that has all changed due to some dramatic life changes within the past couple of years.
I like it because it is who I am at my core. My suffering, my observation, my feelings, can always be translated into a message I can then send out into the world and have it reflected right back. Whether that's from a painting, a drawing, a poem, a short story, or whatever else... It is what I can be defined as an individual.
The only thing I dislike most about it is that I can't just imagine it, I have to will myself into creating it. Otherwise, I love it. I'm glad I'm taking this route in life.
What are your values, and why?
Nothing I do or say exists in a vacuum as much as I thought so. I am connected to others, and others are connected to me. I am put here in this world to advise, guide, and help other people. For as long as I could remember, I was always regarded as the counselor to my friends and social groups, and I almost prided myself to be put in that role to my loved ones. Back then, I would see the potential in people to become the best versions of themselves... and then become majorly torn up inside when they don't heed my advice or my forecast warnings of what will happen in the future if they do X instead of Y. I never tell people "I told you so" when it does inevitably happen. I've learned to just let people be.
I've calmed down a lot now that I'm getting older, but I don't mind helping people still.
What else do you do on a daily basis? What are your interests and hobbies? Why do you do them?
I write on the side, but I don't know if I really have the intention to publish anything in the distant future, though I won't exactly shy away from it if the cards fell just right. Other than that, working on my art in private, socializing with my loved ones, travel, video games, reading and studying things about health or spirituality, pop psychology, tarots, really just normal stuff. I used to be more active when I was younger, doing a lot of hiking or walking through forests with friends and bike riding/running around. I am still active in that I love just walking outside without a destination in mind, or just around the neighborhood. I can't live without music, either.
Describe your relations with family and friends. What do you like and dislike about them?
I love them because with each relationship I have with one person after another, I am able to transform into a newer and better version of myself after each conversation or bonding moment. I only dislike them when they purposely or accidentally criticize me too much, or ignore me to play head games with me. Thankfully I've learned to let people like that go, so the friends I do have now are very healthy and loving.
What do you look for in friends? In romantic relationships?
In friends, I'm open to anything and everything. I'm serious. As long as you're not mean spirited just to be mean spirited, I'll make you like me. At least, I'll try to.
In romantic relationship: I've been ruminating over this since I was a young teenager. I thought I knew what I wanted... I thought I wanted to be with another broken soul, someone just as shattered as I am. Someone who's been through a lot of existential pain like I have. But now after everything that's happened to me, I do think I'm better off paired with somebody stronger than me in all ways. Someone to encourage me, and doesn't shy away from my devoted and loving ways towards them, or the fact that I can be quite the sensitive soul.
What conflicts have you encountered recently with other people? Why did they happen? Which kinds seem to happen on a regular basis?
I have a tendency to putting my foot in my mouth about certain hot buttons. I like talking about risque topics and seeing how people get winded up or react to the things I say. Not as in, I enjoy offending people JUST to offend. But I try to see things from everyone's point of view, and then I am judged for not being able to make up my mind or just going along with people just to go along and not having a defined opinion on something. My style of communication usually entails sandwiching things with compliments or going at things softly, but sometimes, I forget to do that, and then I come across as callous or brutish when I don't mean to be. By then, it's too late, lol.
I don't really get into a lot of fights, other than that. I try to stay away from the heat.
How would your friends describe you?
At best, probably funny, insightful, maybe compassionate? I'll have to ask them.
At worst, probably temperamental and maybe haughty and judgmental at times. Tendency to be impulsive or not seeing the logic of my statements that conflict with previous statements.
What do people generally see as your strengths? What do you like about yourself?
I've been told that I can brighten up the room with my jokes and laid back style, though I can be a little shy with new people. I've made people cry with the things I wrote for them, because I do go deep in the sentiments department.
What are your weaknesses? What criticism do you often face from others? What do you dislike about yourself?
I can be lazy and insecure. I react too emotionally even to constructive criticism though I am very much trying to learn to stop doing that, and I think it's getting better. I can be a bit too cautious of the intentions of other people... Distrustful of the things I think I can read in between the lines. I wish I can just chill out with that.
In what areas of life can you manage well on your own? In what areas of your life would you like help?
I manage well in terms of my self development. No matter what life throws at me, I can throw it right back and keep going. (After I'm done crying about it for the last millionth time.)
I need help with confidence, actually. I still feel like many people are better off without me, and I keep my distance so that I don't end up getting hurt. After keeping my heart on my sleeve for so long, I'm not as intense about it as I used to be... Which helps in that it'll help me keep away from actual harmful people, but bad since it also closes me off from the people who actually do care about me.
What things do you dislike doing? What things do you enjoy more than others?
I hate having to mind the small details in life. I hate the mundane facts of life. I can never be in a typical office job, in that respect. I hate numbers. I just want to think, and ponder, and talk about things about life and beyond with other like minded people.
What goals, aspirations, or plans do you have for the future? How did you come to have them?
I just want it to stop hurting. My existence, I mean. I just want something normal and stable. I want a career that I love doing, and money to get by. I want a home that is safe from danger, that I can be myself in. I want a partner I can make a family with, settle down with, and be a big part of their lives as they are with my life.
I don't know where these aspirations are coming from. Emotionally, I've always lived in chaos, and I'm sick of it.
If you had enough money to live comfortably for the rest of your life without working, what would you do with your time?
Travel. Just... travel.
What traits do you find endearing that others might dislike? What traits are considered positive/neutral by others but tend to annoy you?
I like shy and quiet people who don't mean to be like that just to fit in some weird edgy aesthetic, but because they are just sweet and reserved. I don't like it when people think of them as weak willed or spineless.
I don't like people who are base just because they think that's all life is; money, sex, binges, acting carelessly and thoughtlessly of themselves and other people, just... I don't like people who don't stop and just think of anything or anyone beyond themselves. I am fine with enjoying the finer things in life and engaging with your senses or your body as long as it's not inherently painful or damaging to yourself or others. But there's a limit, I think. I'm sorry if that's judgmental or something.
What kinds of things do you do to manage and/or beautify your environment (your room, your house, etc.)? What do you think of daily chores?
Let's just say that once I have my own place to live in, I am going to deck it with IKEA stuff and nobody can stop me. Try me, bitch.
And daily chores, I do it because someone has to. Otherwise, don't care for it. I do love to cook for myself and for other people, though. I can do that chore all the time if I could!
How do you behave around strangers?
I keep to myself but I am very nice if you greet me or something. Unless you're a creep who wants to get in my pants and I know next to nothing about you... Then, I'd just try to get away from you without saying anything so as to not rouse a fight or drama. I like to keep things socially appropriate.
How do you react to conflict? What do you do if somebody insults or attacks you?
What is one common misconception that people have about things? Explain why it is wrong.
Just because someone appears like they have everything handed to them on a silver platter doesn't make them bad people. Life will never be the same for everyone. Some will have it better, and some will have it worse. I don't hate people who are richer than me or smarter than me, and I don't like it when people treat me badly just because of some virtues or "good life points" I have that probably does not enrich me at my deepest core. I've been told to get out of one social group just because my parents are well off, and it's so fucking stupid because I don't even care how much (or how little) any of their parents make, so... Yeah, I don't know. I just don't like it when envy gets out of hand, I guess.
What did you do last Friday?
School, work, and talking with my online friends. I'm meeting up with a few of them this weekend, so I'm hyped.
What is your biggest accomplishment?
I can't say. It's too personal right now.
What is something you regret?
I wish I didn't let people step all over me back then. I wish I had the guts to tell someone no when they're trying to force me to do things I really did not wanted to do.
Who do you admire, and why?
My brother. He is only a couple of years younger than me, but he's really wise for his age. He taught me so much, and how his mind works is incredible. I have so much faith and knowing that he's going to make it big in this world or contribute something very important in the end.
What's been on your mind? Has anything been worrying or concerning you? What problems have you encountered lately?
I'm resigning to the fact that I am just too damaged, too different, too much, too little, too everything, to ever find love, and I'm accepting my ultimate fate in dying alone. Yes, I've had relationships and sex and a previous marriage to show for it... But otherwise, the kind of love I want, will never be found in this realm of reality.
What are your religious or spiritual beliefs and why do you hold them?
I was raised Christian, and then I left the church as a young teenager because I realized I had feelings towards my own sex. People would call me agnostic throughout my formative years, so that's what I went by. Then I tried to rejoin Christianity in intervals during high school and college, but it never stuck. I really got into it the other year after traumatic events unfolded in my life, but again, it did not stick for long. I do find things about the Word of God to be fascinating, though. Had some very short stints with Buddhism and Satanism. Now I want to learn Wicca.
I hold them because I know there's more than meets the eye in this universe, and I want to seek the ultimate truth.
What are your political beliefs, and why? To what extent do you care about politics?
Would you ever be interested in starting a business? Why or why not? What role would you play in it? What kind of business would it be?
I'd rather work for a company that's both fun and efficient, creative and innovative, rather than being an entrepreneur.
What kind of work environment do you prefer? What do you look for in a job?
These questions came at just the right time because I'm reading a book "What Color Is Your Parachute? 2020 Edition" that I recently got from my school book store. I'll be able to answer these questions better after I'm done reading the book.
What is or was your favorite school subject and why?
Art. Because... Dude, please read the above answers, lmao.
How do you approach responsibility? What do you tend to expect of others?
I tend to give my all when it comes to work and other people. I approach responsibility with my heart in it and maybe with some unrealistic idealism. I expect other people to behave accordingly depending on the context or situation at hand. Don't worry, though, I'm much harder on myself than I'll ever be hard on you.
Where did you go on your most recent vacation? What did you do there? How did you like it and why?
It's been a while. I don't want to talk about it, to be honest.
What were you like as a kid? How have you changed since you were a child?
I was very gushy and wanted to be friends with damn near everyone. I had very simplistic and idealistic ideas about friendship and the world at large, very innocent in contrast to my peers who are already hardened by the burdens they've faced at home or because of something else. Spacey yet active, somehow. Artsy and sensitive, helped other kids with art shit at school a lot of the times. I was the friend anyone can go to whether they need a sympathetic ear or a place to stay.
I've changed in that I'm a lot more careful of who I can extend my sympathy to these days.
What was your high school experience like?
Hellish. Didn't fit in at all.
Talk about a significant event from your life.
I've traveled to many different countries and learned a lot about myself with the places I've seen and the people I've met. It made me learn that the world is just too large for me to stay sad about one thing or one person forever.
Do you like kids? Why or why not?
I like kids if they're nice. They seem quite keen on me, for some reason. There's a feeling inside of me that I'd be a devoted and nurturing mother, lavishing my kids with positive attention and love, so much so that it sometimes make me feel emotional about it. And it's crazy because I'm not even a mother yet, but I just know that that's exactly how it's going to pan out!
If you were to raise a child, what would be your main concerns, what measures would you take, and why?
I want them to grow up to feel certain about themselves in a world that is always uncertain. I want to give them the confidence to go through this world that I was never given to as a little girl. I want them to know that I am always there for them no matter what, and that I'll always love them.
Ever feel stuck in a rut? If yes, describe the causes and your reaction to it.
I've been in ruts before. Usually, I get out of them when I write things down. When I see it in black and white, I get a little eureka moments and try to change it or shake things up.
How do you see other people as a whole? What do you consider a prevalent social problem? Name one.
We seem to keep repeating the same mistakes that previous generations make, and yet we are too blinded to correct this. The more things change, the more things stay the same, and this is especially true about society as a whole.
What do you do if you're not getting what you want? What approach do you use?
I sulk. It depends on the situation, but I do feel a lot better just talking it out with trusted confidants.
Are you comfortable taking leadership roles? In what areas? Why or why not?
I don't seek out leadership roles, but I do make a reasonable one when it happens. I don't rule with an iron fist, but simply guide people into doing what is best for themselves. I encourage people, and want them to know that they do have what it takes to be the very best version of themselves.
How often do you get angry? What kinds of things make you angry?
Not very often. I'm more likely to be sad or depressed, or upset, rather than angry. I get angry when I have been pushed to a corner, whether literally or figuratively, or if I sense that I am not allowed enough time or space to do what I have to do (or just to relax!), and feeling like I can no longer withstand the pressure anymore.
What is the best thing that happened to you during the past week?
Planning with friends about the meetup this weekend.
What is the worst thing that happened to you during the past week?
Nothing really bad happened, actually.
What is the purpose of life? What do you find personally meaningful in life?
I know I am here to touch the world and to leave something incredible behind. What that could be, is still lost on me. All I know for now, is that I should build myself up from the ashes of where I was left behind before, and be a source of inspiration for the people of the future.
What is the most interesting place you have been, and why?
Inside a person's mind. The inner universe of someone else's head is always a fascinating trip for me to venture into.
How do you dress or manage your appearance?
I think I dress quite femininely, tending towards simple floral designs or darker colors. I like things that fit my shape rather than it being too tight or too loose. I don't wear a lot of makeup or do wild things with my hair like extensions or elaborate styles, though I can appreciate that kind of effort by other people if they like doing it for themselves. I like wearing my hair naturally wavy-curly. I like wearing eye makeup more than anything else, really. I sometimes like to find bargain stuff in thrift stores and have a soft spot for vintage inspired clothing.
Do you like surprises?
It depends. If it comes straight from the heart, I'll appreciate it all the more.
I'm sorry if maybe I haven't written down enough, or if my answers do not seem as detailed as I like for it to be. Too much on my mind for me to concentrate today, it seems. If anyone wants to know anything else about me, by all means ask because I'd love to answer. Thank you in advanced. And yes, I will make a video, but I'll do it next week.