1. Arousal vs. Repulsion
The sexual instinct seeks to be aroused and also illicit that response in others. It wishes to be energetically “turned-on” by people/things. SX-doms tend to be a slave to the things that arouse them, moving intensely toward these things in the manner of a drug addiction. When humans are sexually aroused, studies have shown that they are less likely to be disgusted by the smells of their partner’s body or even feel as sensitive to physical pain. It’s nature’s way of ensuring that the intense and boundary-destroying act of sex be a deep need in us, and that we are not deterred from mating by other instinctual boundaries. However, when one is not
sexually aroused, the idea of sex with the unwanted mate is repulsive and can produce a disgust response. This is also nature’s way of ensuring we mate with the right person and be turned off by the wrong person according to the sexual instinct’s innate intelligence. We are either “turned on” or “turned off.” While a SX-dom does not necessarily wish instinctively to repulse or be repulsed, in a way, repulsing another can be confirmation that they are having an effect. If there’s no response, then they are not adequately sending attraction signals, since people’s response to sex is either turned on or off.
Possible examples of thoughts: Is this arousing me? Do I crave it? Do they crave me? How deep can I penetrate this? Why aren’t they hooked on me? Will they be turned off if I do this?
Concrete examples: Pushing a person’s boundaries, trying to get a rise out of someone, invading their comfort zone, locking someone into you
2. Transformation via Seduction & Display
The sexual instinct aims to fuse chemically with another, this fusion transforming both parties. In a sense, this need for fusion on in both parties can be objectifying. It is not a caring social fusion, but rather a chemical need to infect and be infected, to have the other person grow inside you and alter you, thus each person transforming into something else. Achieving this fusion via seduction and display manifests in two ways:
a. Loss of Self - The Orifice - Feminine
There are certain creatures (such as cicadas and male preying mantises) who work vigorously to mate only so they can die immediately after. There is a sense of giving oneself completely over to fusing with another being that you completely lose yourself in the process. Metaphorically, this is the feminine aspect of this instinct (we all have both feminine and masculine regardless of gender). It is the open hole, the receptive socket for self-transformation. “Make me one with you.” Often, the depictions of the sexual instinct in subtype literature focus only on the aggressive/masculine tendency of this instinct. But both the feminine and masculine are present in all of us, and SX-doms in particular can tend to wear more androgyny. This is the aspect of sexual that is creative, open, receptive, soft, and is a complete opening of all boundaries. This can soften certain enneagram types such as 8 or 5 who normally have physical/emotional/mental walls up. This brings the walls down in a way that SX-blinds would be opposed to.
b. Aggression/Display - The Phallus - Masculine
In most animals species, it is the male species who displays themselves to attract a suitable female partner. The peacock has its feathers, other birds have their intricate nests and special dances, etc. Humans have their creativity, or the thing that makes them stand out beyond others for display. These displays can be pointless from a survival standpoint, but they aim to attract a mate. For example, the peacock’s feathers slow him down and make it more difficult to escape predators. Point being, this instrument of sexual display actually threatens its self-preservation. However, the pointless display is important for its attraction strategy because it’s the hook that gets him mates. Humans can advertise their special scars, talents, exposing the underbelly of what’s beneath them, metaphorically the exposed phallus.
Note: In humans, both the masculine and feminine strategies are present in all of us regardless of gender or sexual orientation. One may be more of a focus than others. However in both these strategies, there is an intense psychological nudity stemming from making oneself vulnerable.
Possible examples of thoughts: Are we one? Am I penetrating? Am I leaving my scent or my mark on this person? Do they want me? Will they find someone else to be hooked on? Why aren’t they addicted to me? What can I become? What can I transform into?
Concrete examples: Letting yourself be taken, emotional/psychological nudity and openness, displaying something that’s an emotional or physical scar, deliberate androgyny as an attraction strategy, allowing yourself to be changed or transformed by another, having a particular attraction strategy, fluid boundaries
The sexual instinct needs to feel the chemistry of being hooked into someone/something and have it returned. SX-doms can feel like a hunter waiting for their prey, or prey waiting for their hunter. They are sending out pheromones wherever they go, aiming to leave their “scent” on others. Their biggest fear is being undesirable or losing that chemistry. Not being captivating or interesting enough to attract a mate is devastating. To use the peacock example again, the male peacock can put a great deal of mental and physical energy into their display, and still the female might just not think it’s arousing enough to mate. The synergy that is craved in SX is a sense of simultaneous giving and taking (although the giving isn’t altruistic). It can be paralleled abstractly in vampire literature where the vampire bites and drains blood but the victim gains pleasure from it, or at the very least, this is usually eroticized. During intercourse or other kinds of mutual sexual activity, both people involved crave the other as an object to “take” but also enjoy “being taken” by the other. Both people are objectifying each other but getting what they crave in the process. This chemical synergy of objectification on both sides locks both people into a chemical flow.
Note: This kind of chemistry is not the same as love or connection, however, humans of course have the ability to mix love with sex. However the Sexual instinctual drive is a separate domain. Connection and bonding is more in the Social instinct domain. And love and intimacy are not instincts.
Possible examples of thoughts: Is there a building energy between us? Are we magnetically drawn to each other? Can we sustain this? If it’s gone, what else is out there?
Concrete examples: A heat between you and another that registers as sexual, a sense of addiction or obsession, possession, turning off most people to attract the one that likes your scent.