ISTj/LSI without a tribe or sense of belonging. Not enough Fe?

[Myst]

An Ijs inner dual (that desire to connect) would likely have emerged often in youth but then disappeared in adulthood except, perhaps, during some times of uncertainty, insecurity and or stress. It does seem to emerge again in one's later years but I often wonder if it's due to accumulated practice over the years, or because slowing down and lowering expectations free up more time to contemplate secondary issues. For me, I certainly wouldn't attribute it to deliberate learning........

a.k.a. I/O

I don't know what you mean by accumulated practice, please elaborate? I think for me it came out when I got enough achievements, so yeah I guess I got more time to deal with "secondary issues". I wouldn't call it a secondary thing though, let alone lowering expectations/slowing down. I wasn't talking about pensioner years here lol. Anyway maybe for you it's secondary in importance, I'm not as detached as you I guess. And yes it's learning for the brain, whether deliberate or not.

[Rebelondeck]

I don't know what you mean by accumulated practice, please elaborate?.......

Occasions when we don't feel comfortable or are under stress seem to activate our dual-like configurations, which evokes behaviour that's really out of character. The more this is activated, the more familiar it becomes; a measure of acceptance seems to develop over time from what seems to be a cumulative effect - but I'm still embarrassed when others see my inner ESE.......

a.k.a. I/O

[Myst]

Occasions when we don't feel comfortable or are under stress seem to activate our dual-like configurations, which evokes behaviour that's really out of character. The more this is activated, the more familiar it becomes; a measure of acceptance seems to develop over time from what seems to be a cumulative effect - but I'm still embarrassed when others see my inner ESE.......

I guess we just have different approaches bc I don't relate to this. Sometimes I did get more emotional learning* from extreme circumstances I guess but other than that can't relate. I don't believe that extra stress is a basic and required element of all this. It just forces your brain to try and adapt if that is what you meant... and in your case I guess it makes you lose the default control so you get to learn more about things you ignored until then or whatever. But there is an optimal level of stress for learning and you don't seem to be talking about that.

*: still not talking about deliberate learning, just the brain learning. It's not like you can plan for such circumstances to happen etc. And the experience itself is absorbed in a pretty automatic way too. I think the only thing you can be deliberate about is having the willingness to pay more attention to the topic in general. And then I create interpretations by analysing deliberately sure. That is the part that is deliberate learning I guess. But that's just part of the deliberate willingness I mention.


To respond to the other topic brought up here, I also don't relate to just being unconditionally drawn into things because of the emotional energy or whatever. For me this is a much more controlled process. I don't feel lost, that would be too unnatural getting carried away to that degree. It's all a lot more moderate and sustainable than indicated - thus consistent activity and direction can be maintained as well - in the way I actually experience it. The emotional energy itself may not be consistent or moderate lool for sure, but the way I handle it is like that, it's how I deal with it, level-headed I guess. But also at the same time involved/engaged. Just not this unconditional extreme involvement as described. I just do not experience it that way and have no need to fully lose my head like that for long. I guess there is almost always a degree of distance, the amount of the distance can vary sometimes tho' and that's still fine too, the above still applies. I live fully "inside" the emotional state only for a short time before I go back to that approach - and acting (esp taking bigger actions) fully from that emotional state without any control is even harder, it's not natural for me lol

This is still not the same though as being alone amongst other people, even close people. That is what I objected to originally. I guess you can say I detach with the distance thingy but it really is different when I feel connected and attached emotionally than when I don't. There is still all the control as described above but it's definitely not what I'd call "mentally detaching" all that much. I guess this is hard to explain tho', but it's just no longer about living alone on that island. There is just too much emotional experience "built up" over time for the connection and attachment to call it living alone on an island. There is too much involvement/engagement that feels natural and normal at that point to call it being on an island.