Outgoing and socially involved SLIs-ISTps

[jewels]

yeah my sli bf can be very outgoing, but it's an effort. I can tell that he's in "outgoing mode." Either that, or when he's drunk he seems outgoing. He comes across as gregarious and smiles a lot. I was confused at first because in his photos he didn't have the ISTp "eyes" but then he said he was drunk in most of his photos. Around me he is way quieter and zones out more. But w/ others he tries to smile a lot, asks more questions, etc.

[tiny_dancer]

I wonder if guys are just naturally clueless, regardless of type. A good EII friend of mine was married to an SLI and used to say his wife was incomprehensible, but she could read him like a book. I thought he was supposed to have FiNe mindreading abilities. What happened to those?? He was pretty good with everybody else.

Whatever. I'm not complicated. *bats eyelashes*

[Cyrano]

Ah, yes, the 'ol "ask without asking."

Who says men aren't complicated??

*sigh* I do not have enough patience to date you guys. I wish I did, but having to play mind games just makes me annoyed and I end up leaving.

ISTps are not players. We just don't pick up on signals very well. We need clarity and balance.

[Cyrano]

haha .




For sure, men are also complicated. Of course I'm biased when I say that women are more complicated in general, but let's not go there.

True.

If everyone were good looking, I don't think we would have such problems. :-)

[jewels]

ISTps are not players. We just don't pick up on signals very well. We need clarity and balance.

I like that you're seeing the good in people, but some ISTps ARE players. I've confirmed this with my field tests and "research" lol.

I don't think ISTps consciously pick up on the signals, but they do sorta tell somehow. When someone is relating to them well, the relate back and it escalates. etc. Give the ISTps more credit. They can be very good at being a player, and can be vague and misleading as well when they feel like it. (not all, some)

[tiny_dancer]

Oh, I was talking more about how men will assume you're desperate if you're honest with them.

Of course, more often than not one person will be more interested than the other person is. Gotta give them time to get on the same page, which may or may not happen. So yeah, I know why honesty doesn't work, it's just annoying.

[Suz]

ISTps are not players. We just don't pick up on signals very well. We need clarity and balance.

Interesting, because that is probably something IEE's can't give you. At least, with cases of romantic interest, I end up inadvertantly giving all these mixed signals, and I try to be subtle about my interest until it gets to the point where I become worried that he might not be getting the hint, and i want to give the opportunity justice, so I just end up coming clean.

I really dont know how aggressive my confession was actually. (it went in written form, since I moved away recently). I tried to keep it restrained and classy, but I did come right out and state that I'd become very attracted to him. I didn't want to take any chances of him not getting the point. However, I did acknowledge that he is now in a relationship and I regret having missed the opportunity to tell him sooner. The thing is, I had been hinting for several months now, and in person we were constantly having the Topaz-like interaction before I moved away, so I suspect he did realize that there may be something there and so I dont think my confession came as a complete surprise to him. If anything, it probably confirmed his suspicions.

[Suz]

I like that you're seeing the good in people, but some ISTps ARE players. I've confirmed this with my field tests and "research" lol.

I don't think ISTps consciously pick up on the signals, but they do sorta tell somehow. When someone is relating to them well, the relate back and it escalates. etc. Give the ISTps more credit. They can be very good at being a player, and can be vague and misleading as well when they feel like it. (not all, some)

I agree with everything you said, jewels. And I confirm that SLIs can be players. I think it all depends on the environment the particular SLI had become socialized to.

Oh, I was talking more about how men will assume you're desperate if you're honest with them. .

I know. . .SO lame Maybe SLIs won't as much just because they like Fi-filled expressions of feeling?? Is this true?

Of course, more often than not one person will be more interested than the other person is. Gotta give them time to get on the same page, which may or may not happen. So yeah, I know why honesty doesn't work, it's just annoying.

I totally agree.

[Park]

You know what worked for me as an ISTp? You have to take it slow. If you attack, he will flee. If you just make your interest known VERY clearly, he will take the next step. But you have to be crystal clear that you are interested, but not too much.

So you don' say, "WOW I want you." (run away!)

You should demonstrate that he would have a zero percent chance of failure if he asks."

That sound weak? From my perspective, the women drive the courtship. We are ALWAYS interested if she looks good and would be receptive. If she's TOO interested, she must be desperate. (run away!)

So if you think you've gone too far, back off, keep the channels open, but the ball is his now.

I simply have nothing to add.

ISTps are not players. We just don't pick up on signals very well. We need clarity and balance.

I feel like I'm quoting myself now.

True.

If everyone were good looking, I don't think we would have such problems. :-)

GET OUT OF MY HEAD!

[Cyrano]

GET OUT OF MY HEAD!

But there's so much room in here!

[Suz]

But there's so much room in here!

OMG you SLIs and your HUGE heads. . .

btw

[Park]

I do have a huge head, actually. Remember that pic I showed you?

[Lobo]

I wonder if guys are just naturally clueless, regardless of type. A good EII friend of mine was married to an SLI and used to say his wife was incomprehensible, but she could read him like a book. I thought he was supposed to have FiNe mindreading abilities. What happened to those?? He was pretty good with everybody else.

Whatever. I'm not complicated. *bats eyelashes*

hahaha, nice. I remember this one situation with my IEE friend, where she showed me a picture of a girl and asked me if she was pretty. I said "yes she is," and apparently that was the wrong answer to the question, and then she went "ugh, guys can be so stupid" and she got pissed off. To this day, I don't understand what happened.

[Suz]

hahaha, nice. I remember this one situation with my IEE friend, where she showed me a picture of a girl and asked me if she was pretty. I said "yes she is," and apparently that was the wrong answer to the question, and then she went "ugh, guys can be so stupid" and she got pissed off. To this day, I don't understand what happened.

She was probably sizing up the competition I know ALL about that. . .

And what you did was tell her that her competitor (likely with a guy she liked) was pretty. Way to induce stress Lobo!

[jewels]

hahaha, nice. I remember this one situation with my IEE friend, where she showed me a picture of a girl and asked me if she was pretty. I said "yes she is," and apparently that was the wrong answer to the question, and then she went "ugh, guys can be so stupid" and she got pissed off. To this day, I don't understand what happened.

always say "eh...she's OK. Why?" (neutral)

Then determine the reason and give the appropriate answer.

Not Pretty
If she's someone her bf hit on, or is anyway a threat or competition, then clearly she's less attractive than your friend (wow he hit on her? She's not nearly as pretty as YOU).

Pretty-ish
If she's the girls family member/friend who isn't a threat, then "oh actually she does have very nice eyes/smile. She looks like a really nice person."

[Solidad]

I know a couple ISTps, an old boyfriend and my mom, who are extremely outgoing. [...]
The 4th function is a conscious function... it's one we can use but cannot control. There are a lot of people who overcompensate for their 4th function, and these two are perfect examples.

Has anyone else observed this behavior in ISTps?

Yes, definately! -

I've noticed this in ISTP (mainly w/ subtype Te)

1) one ISTP friend (late 40's) professional, european auto mechanics & reconstruction of classic vehicles (he is a creative bad ass in these areas) and awesome athlete even at his age & after surviving major debilitating surgery- outgoing (but still values his *own* space & privacy), funny/crude humor, easy-going-to-passionate-energy-to-"letting it slide" kind of attitude

he can talk about an amazing amount (to me) of specific information about finance, biology, history, mechanics, etc...then swing into an emotional rant about how certain things are unfair in life (which I can often agree with) -- but then settles back into mellow equilibrium -- I think a lot of people don't understand the complexity & (seeming) incongruity of his behavior-
i understand him, though & i'm probably one his only F-based friends-

I think he is an ISTP that has had a lot of Fe pressure on his Polr... & that has caused the "lashing back" in high Fe drama in some ways --

I also know 2 other ISTP (subtype Te) with similar Fe "outbursts" --

Also, on a random celebrity note...Michael Phelps represents a 'poster child' of SLI to me(& he is rather sunny, sweet guy in disposition)
---

So, ya... Joy -- I think you are right on with noticing this trend...

On the other hand, I have not found SLI (subtype Si) to ever be this way
(so far anyway)

-- i related to the concept that short (or long-term) stressful Polr pressure can result in tidal waves of that function splashing back onto the interpersonal shores --

I've had my Polr Se constantly pressured in life & so sometimes I lash back with huge Se type force when I'm angry/trapped/threatened -- i think that could happen to any type that has a lot of their Polr buttons being pushed -

--

[tiny_dancer]

hahaha, nice. I remember this one situation with my IEE friend, where she showed me a picture of a girl and asked me if she was pretty. I said "yes she is," and apparently that was the wrong answer to the question, and then she went "ugh, guys can be so stupid" and she got pissed off. To this day, I don't understand what happened.

That's hilarious. I couldn't tell you why she did that either. Yeah, it sounds like there's a backstory that you weren't involved in. Maybe some guy she liked decided to go out with that girl instead of her. Maybe the girl is a raging bitch, but always gets the guy because she's hot. I love male-female relations. They're always good for a laugh.

[Park]

hahaha, nice. I remember this one situation with my IEE friend, where she showed me a picture of a girl and asked me if she was pretty. I said "yes she is," and apparently that was the wrong answer to the question, and then she went "ugh, guys can be so stupid" and she got pissed off. To this day, I don't understand what happened.

wtf, you're a guy? i somehow thought you were a female...

[UDP]

wtf, you're a guy? i somehow thought you were a female...

I hit on EII males too

[Solidad]

I hit on EII males too

hee, hee ;-)

I love it when complexity outstrips "normalcy"

[Solidad]

hahaha, nice. I remember this one situation with my IEE friend, where she showed me a picture of a girl and asked me if she was pretty. I said "yes she is," and apparently that was the wrong answer to the question, and then she went "ugh, guys can be so stupid" and she got pissed off. To this day, I don't understand what happened.

Hey, Lobo I could tell you are a guy right from the get go... :-)

Though sometimes you sound like ESI guy to me (like one of my closest friends)...from your dialogue and due to your 6 enneagram type --
--
the scenario you describe sounds rather illogical

If someone is asking if a person is "pretty" then why would there be a wrong answer at that point? I'm assuming there are multiple options for answering.

"pretty," "ok," "don't know," or "ugly" would have been valid responses, no?

it is all relative, anyway-- so, I don't get why your friend was upset...is your friend really IEE? ....or is there some other background missing in this situation?

oops, i'm derailing the thread -- sorry!

[Park]

I hit on EII males too

LOL, ahahahaha... now I'm totally confused

[Suz]

I hit on EII males too

lol the smilies added a nice touch!

p.s. u like indian movies??

[Lobo]

She was probably sizing up the competition I know ALL about that. . .

And what you did was tell her that her competitor (likely with a guy she liked) was pretty. Way to induce stress Lobo!

always say "eh...she's OK. Why?" (neutral)

Then determine the reason and give the appropriate answer.

Not Pretty
If she's someone her bf hit on, or is anyway a threat or competition, then clearly she's less attractive than your friend (wow he hit on her? She's not nearly as pretty as YOU).

Pretty-ish
If she's the girls family member/friend who isn't a threat, then "oh actually she does have very nice eyes/smile. She looks like a really nice person."

That's hilarious. I couldn't tell you why she did that either. Yeah, it sounds like there's a backstory that you weren't involved in. Maybe some guy she liked decided to go out with that girl instead of her. Maybe the girl is a raging bitch, but always gets the guy because she's hot. I love male-female relations. They're always good for a laugh.

lol. Ok, so I think what actually happened was the competition thing with this other girl. I'm positive that there was some kind of backstory, so I was at the wrong place at the wrong time...

wtf, you're a guy? i somehow thought you were a female...

Well, I've had a pic of Xavier for the past few years in my avatar, plus Lobo is the masculine form of wolf.

I hit on EII males too

unfortunately for us EII males.

Hey, Lobo I could tell you are a guy right from the get go... :-)

Though sometimes you sound like ESI guy to me (like one of my closest friends)...from your dialogue and due to your 6 enneagram type --
--
the scenario you describe sounds rather illogical

If someone is asking if a person is "pretty" then why would there be a wrong answer at that point? I'm assuming there are multiple options for answering.

"pretty," "ok," "don't know," or "ugly" would have been valid responses, no?

it is all relative, anyway-- so, I don't get why your friend was upset...is your friend really IEE? ....or is there some other background missing in this situation?

oops, i'm derailing the thread -- sorry!

Yeah, I think someone else thought I was ESI, but it really doesn't fit me. The inner-Lobo is not ESI. I'm sure she's IEE, she's too cute not to be (getting some points here).

This happens all the time!!! I'm talking about girls showing a picture of another girl to a guy, and asking if she's pretty. Then invariably, if the guy DOES think her pretty, the girl reacts angrily or at least as though the guy doesn't know what he's talking about.

*Shh!!!* Don't tell anybody but here's why this happens:

The girl who is asking has formed some opinion for whatever reason about the girl in the picture. Whether because Photo-girl is competition or just a girl that upsets Asking-girl, Photo-girl becomes the object of her loathing.

Doubtless the girl who is asking the guy has already discussed this photo girl with her female friend(s). And something perhaps present in those conversations rife with slander is: "...and she's NOT even pretty!" "No way! She's gross!" or something. Maybe the comment about the photo girl's looks was preceded by, "I can't believe ==[he]== likes/liked her!" or "Is this his ex? SHE got HIM? How did that happen???" or "That girl is such a bitch -- you know what she did to me?"...

Now, Asking-girl has her feelings about Photo-girl, and they're negative. Now she wants some male backup! It could mean she wants the guy to simply be on her side about it, or it could mean as much as she is worried this guy DOES think the photo girl is cute. Whatever it is, this asking girl wants the backing of the guy in this situation. If HE thinks the girl is ugly, it adds weight to her emotional opinion. Weight, and strength, and justification for whatever negative opinions she already has about Photo-girl.

So guys, when you are asked about a picture of another girl, "Do you think she's pretty?" (unless it's said in a very nice tone and worded differently like "She's pretty, don't you think?") you better answer NO! And answering indifferently sucks, too. We hate that. Don't just shrug your shoulders because it will get us wondering what you REALLY think. Say NO! or else the girl who is asking will feel all deflated. Now it's just her and some other girls being catty. But if YOU, the guy, agreed that this girl was flawed, that would add credence to her negative feelings about that poor girl in the picture.

Girls can be weird.

I like the conclusion at the end. Yeah, a flag should have raised up when I was asked that question .

[tiny_dancer]

I can see it now: Lobo thinks he's found the secret and will never have this happen again. A friend walks up with a picture of a woman and asks if she's pretty. Lobo carefully replies, "No, not in the slightest. I think she's a hag." And the girl says, "That's my new sister-in-law!! She's AMAZING. JERK!!" *whacks Lobo with her handbag*

You know what, now that I think about it, this situation has actually happened to me with a GUY. He showed me someone's picture... The girl was physically pretty, but it was one of those WAY overdone glamour playboy shots. Way too much makeup, way too much sex, way too many tacky clothes going on. So I unenthusiastically said, "Um.. she's okay.." Turns out it was his friend's GIRLFRIEND, and the guy was standing right there. I was set up. Jackass.

So the moral of this story is: just don't reply. Either way, you're in trouble.

[Lobo]

I can see it now: Lobo thinks he's found the secret and will never have this happen again. A friend walks up with a picture of a woman and asks if she's pretty. Lobo carefully replies, "No, not in the slightest. I think she's a hag." And the girl says, "That's my new sister-in-law!! She's AMAZING. JERK!!" *whacks Lobo with her handbag*

You know what, now that I think about it, this situation has actually happened to me with a GUY. He showed me someone's picture... The girl was physically pretty, but it was one of those WAY overdone glamour playboy shots. Way too much makeup, way too much sex, way too many tacky clothes going on. So I unenthusiastically said, "Um.. she's okay.." Turns out it was his friend's GIRLFRIEND, and the guy was standing right there. I was set up. Jackass.

So the moral of this story is: just don't reply. Either way, you're in trouble.

haha, you can never win.

[UDP]

lol the smilies added a nice touch!

p.s. u like indian movies??

Somewhat, yes, though I don't know that many yet.
I also like Indian dancing.

You apparently recognize my avatar?

unfortunately for us EII males.

The mouth says one thing, the heart says another.

Yeah, I think someone else thought I was ESI, but it really doesn't fit me. The inner-Lobo is not ESI. I'm sure she's IEE, she's too cute not to be (getting some points here).

Yes, Lobo seems very much an EII male.

haha, you can never win.

In general, EII women haven't tried to pull too many things like this. It seems to stem from either a lack of concern, a terrible self image (everybody is better looking than me - which is BS), or an actual healthy sense of being content about her looks.

[xyz]

Jesus christ you guys analyze everything to death.

[Creepy-Cyclops]

Sometimes I am outgoing, sometimes quiet.

Some places i've worked in I haven't shut up, other places all i've done is shut up.

Some girls like me, some don't, I like some of them, some of them I don't.

Some people can be irritating to me, some not, depends on the situation.

End of discussion for every thread in the forum.

[tiny_dancer]

Jesus christ you guys analyze everything to death.

You mean the picture thing? I thought we were just telling funny stories.