You guys are definitely giving me food for thought about how I approach relationships and whether I'm alienating guys with scrutiny. I'm not sure what to do about it though.
How do other types do this love thing anyway?
Waddles W, the whole "other things"/"never got around to it" thing is an excuse I must admit I use when I clam up because... 1. I can't make up my mind, or 2. I am scared to say what it is I want/have to say.
Also, I don't mean to stick my nose into your business, but I figure maybe it'd help if I look at the situation from the point of view of "your" INTj, even though I'm no mindreader, we're two different people, and I don't have all the facts.
Have you spelled out exactly what it is you expect from her? Sometimes we INTjs can be dense when it comes to things like that. Though, if you bring it up, you're right she might start crying because she knows that she's not giving you what you want/need, but she's very conflicted inside about how she feels and therefore can't put the effort into the relationship. That'd make me feel guilty, but powerless to fix it.