IEIs/INFps running from their own shadow

[Creepy-]

I'm more interested in hearing from INFP's and how they perceive these things than how people reject each other.
But thanks for your input.

[HarryBottom]

But do "ask him out", but be somewhat sure that he likes you first, because situations like this can get slightly awkward and full of tension if something "isn't right"...

This is definately a good idea, but make SURE that he really does like you. Don't make assumptions. It would be horrible to put him in a situation where he doesn't like you. He would first have to go through all the guilt he felt for saying no, and then more yet for trying to explain to you why he said so. I, personally, HATE asumptions. Make sure that he likes you, and that he is very comfortable with you. Talk to him a lot, form a stable relationship with him(though, yes, being an INFP, this may be hard), then ask him out. Don't at all expect him to take action, because he will be very unsure of himself. If he on some odd chance does, you have been blessed.

[indigoroom]

harry said it.

[indigoroom]

here seems to be a correlation between HB's take on the INFp hidden agenda and what wrote in this thread: oldforumlinkviewtopic.php?t=495
In a different thread, wrote:
It seems like there is no end. Do INFPs stop asking themselfs "Who am I" ever? After finding socionics it stopped for a couple of months and these days it seems like I'm starting to bang my head with this stupid question again regardless of the fact that I am full of facts and analysis for myself. Or better find some new stuff with which I can identify myself? lol

Trying to understand himself better?

Yeah That was very funny to notice. I remember I laughed a lot when I wrote that.

[NeonMonk]

Thanks Harry Bottom.

I think INFP is very difficult to understand. I constantly hear from my INXX friends that they think they're more complex and prone to feeling moreso than E types. Be that as it may, I found INXX's are lousy communicators.

I decided to just let him be. I'm here if he wants to talk to me, but I'm not going to be the chaser. I can only tell someone how I feel but after that I'm like, if you dont believe me then your the one with the problem.

Its such a shame becuase he's a beautiful person and as I said before...he's hot.

This reminds me of a situation I was in recently. As an INFP male, I know what he's going through. If he's anything like me, he'll have had situations all through his life where he's witnessed peoples feelings change rapidly, and as an INFP his feelings are much more intense (even if he doesn't let on) so if he starts to see others feelings as transitory, he'll start to believe that everyone is like this, especially when it comes to him. He'll also be pretty sure that you don't feel as he does, making him want to protect those feelings.

Perhaps even get rid of them completely. Your situation is so similar to one I was just in. I had very very intense feelings for a girl (still do, really) and it seemed like she had feelings for me too. Things were going great but then one night I interpreted her actions personally, she seemed apathetic, detached, cold towards me. I'd seen this before, and my feelings became erratic, all I wanted to do was protect myself. So I bailed, I fled, ran.

Well she got pretty upset, and I saw what I'd done (felt like a real prick) so we tried to continue, we kept talking etc but she stopped putting in any effort (as you have now decided to do) well this put me off, because I can't survive if it isn't 50/50, I just can't do it. I already question things far too much and if I'm not getting that positive input, for me it's over. I'll detach to protect my intense feelings, otherwise I can feel my mental health start to slip.

So just recently I've cut all contact. It wasn't what I *wanted* to do, it was what I had to do for my own health.

INFPs need assurance, the more effort you put in the more effort we'll put in, and it should be vice versa as well. I guess this is difficult for most females to understand (especially the one I was involved with) as most guys are happy to persist and will put in most of the effort. But not INFPs, we have no trouble in cutting you out of our lives if you don't give us the same attention we give you. Perhaps this is unfair but it has to be that way to protect the intense feelings that afflict us.

[Creepy-]

very insightful. You two (the other INFP I know) could be brothers!

Okay, so...I'll stick to it and just be patient.

Just so you know, I view his actions as "game playing". But I'm glad that I've taken the time to "understand" him by looking up his personality type; otherwise, I would've taken the same road as the girl you know. It's not a mean statement, I've just never "dated" or seriously considered an "INFP".

I'm an E and so have all the other people I've dated. The INFP dude is very much unlike anyone I've ever met before, you guys have a lot going for you. But it seems like the INFP way in thinking and reacting to situations make them seem like Players, and I dont think they are. I sense he's not, and I also sense he means well, which is why I'm being patient.

THanks for the information, very insightful.

[NeonMonk]

What you have to understand, and this is from my perspective and I may be wrong . But if he has feelings for you, they are only for you, and he won't feel them for anyone else. I know I personally have come across many females who've had strong feelings for more than one person, which I've always remembered, and has made me suspicious of their intentions.

I guess what I'm trying to say and I tryed to say before is that whether we are or not, us INFPs feel very different from everyone else and it puts us at a disadvantage, I don't think you'd have a real idea how it feels to be an INFP. You feel much like an alien. So overtime we end up building a pretty big wall to protect us, to keep out those who would knowingly or unknowningly bring harm to us. Which is (just another one of the reasons as to) why we have to be completely sure of your feelings and intentions. And also why we may come across as being a "player" or "aloof."

I know this makes it difficult and yes, we can be scared off pretty easily. Personally, I think you have to make him know that you match his feelings. I can't tell you how to do this, but I think you should know already. Are we INFPs really worth that effort? You tell me.

Because I still haven't figured that out.

[Creepy-]

I think you guys are, but you have to do better at responding.

I sent him an email saying I couldn't cut it and that yes, I do have feelings for him but I for my sanity's sake (not 2nd guessing etc) I would prefer that the person in my life not be so hard to get to know. I think things should flow smoothly. I stated that yeah, I did fall for him last year and I"ve maintained it throughout this year, but I can't stand the silent treatments I get after we discuss these things. I feel like i"m being punished for sharing my feelings. So rather than be punished for expressing how I feel, I think it's better he find someone he can trust (as far as expressing how I feel) and who he can return those feelings to.

If you guys would only exert a little effort, you'd get whatever you wanted.

[NeonMonk]

That was a really good move. I wish you the best of luck, I realise how hard it must be and I apologise for him.

Tell him to stop following the path of least resistance, because he'll end up hurting himself.

[Creepy-]

Thanks for all the good info! It's better to understand than to act out against something you don't understand.

[NeonMonk]

How did it go?

[Creepy-]

Well. I sent him that letter.

He emailed me back two weeks later to let me know his interconnection is now up (yeah right, but it's all good) and he answered my email.

I emailed him back.

Then I decided to cut through the bull and I called him today during my lunch hour. We had a long talk. I told him what I thought. I asked what we were (because of the distance), he said he didnt know, and truthfully, neither do I. (Trust me, this is a loooonng story if I ever went into it). We're at a point where something has got to happen. You know, like the buildup is there, but you have to do something about it.

The thing is. He is so friggin intelligent. He has a very high I.Q. And for me, that's what makes him hot. He just doesn't know!!

Anyway, I flat out asked him when we're hooking up. I'm super busy and juggling balls in the air. We're thinking of meeting in a month. Can we hold out until then? Yeah, I think so. I'm not doing anything but staying busy until then. He is going to Turkey next week for vacation. HOw fun is that??? WIsh i could go.

But in the words of Waynes world, GAME ON.

I have to say that I'm a total extrovert and I think I communicate fairly well, even when things arent going my way. I found that I have to take the lead on the conversation because he wont. BUt he follows my lead and is very honest and forthright (thats so hot!!) and gentle and nice...you guys are too much!!!

I dont know how other INFP dudes are, the only reason I know is because he took the test one evening when we were talking just to see what I was talking about.

I can tell you for sure, he's the first one I've ever met. And he's hot.

[NeonMonk]

Haha, it all sounds so familiar. Good luck.

[Creepy-]

You know, I"ve never chased a guy. I'd rather go without. And right now, I do know someone who is interested in going out, but i'm like...let me take care of this urge (to hook with INFP) first. Because I have to know.

Now, what is it that you INFP's have that makes people want to be near you? Did you ever see that movie with John Travolta where he is an angel and the women won't leave him alone? They're like, oooh, he smells like fresh baked cookies, or chocolate, something they want? Well, it's not that bad. But...he's definitely the first introvert I've ever been attracted head on.

[Creepy-]

I just recently read this whole forum and it hit right at home. You see i'm a INFP and a similar situation of these relationships happened to me. She initiated everything, but i was confused at her intentions. I only realized what happened after we graduated two months after graduation. I had no way of contacting her, but i couldn't get my mind off of her. By chance I saw her at the drive thru when she was working at McDonald's. Two days later I came back and we started talking, I felt some distance or disinterest from her and became confused. I felt so insecure and soon left. I regret it, but was scared to go back. My inability to start relationships is the thing I dislike most about being a infp and I feel so alone, but there is always hope.

[HarryBottom]

Thats very true. My ENFP friend had helped me open up to others unlike anyone else I've ever known. And yes, I can very easily be myself around him. Unfortunately, I don't know any ENFP chicks very well. But I still know what your saying wih the understanding thing.