Originally Posted by
noaydi
Yes I agree with that this is good advice. The first time I meet the girl (Im the only one to have seen the girl IRL) it was exactly as you depict.
Notice that when I'm speaking about a group, I'm speaking about a max of 3 or 4 people wich know well each other. I'm not speaking about a random group who meet randomly.
The problem is that with time (and web relationship only - I think IRL there wouldn't have any problem), due to agenda of each ppl (me wanting to get the girl A but abandonned, another guy B was fond of her so I helped to get the girl A, another guy C who sounded like he wanted to fuck everyone -wich is just a perception imo he wasn't like that-, me discussing with this last guy C who suddenly decided to kick every other guys A B), it typically ended as a Fe problem.
If I'm introspecting superficially, I can say Ive understood my position of the guy who tried to do everything to get the first guy B and the girl A together and trying to be laugh-troll-friend with the last guy C and good friend with the guy B, while trying to keep everything okay.
Problem is the agenda of everyone.
The guy C was jealous we had a private place on discord or smth like that, me having the agenda that I still somewhat wanted the girl while helping the other guy B to get the girl A, the guy B having the agenda of going to internet only for the girl A but in reality didn't give any fuck about everything other.
For my and only my point of view, my agenda could have fucked up everything without even knowing. But in general, there was imo idiocy everywhere : me sharing information (just because I was thinking they knowed themself well) -but this stayed marginal-, the guy C being jealous bc we had a place for us only on discord (WTF ? 5yo age ?) -notice I'm not sur exactly why the guy C kicked the girl A, imo the guy C is a good guy and I'm misinterpreting stuff, he have his proper reason to do things-, and at the end only the guy B was regular and good moral but took everything in his face bc A and C didn't took the time to understand what happened (basically the girl didn't understand I was never stopping to praise her and try to make her relationship work like a nice guy and she took this as if I was saying bullshit about her )
It ended as a massive bullshit Fe situation and everything fell appart.
I lost my almost best friend girl A and lost a potential good friend B and kicked everyone even the guy C because of annoyement.
I think Fe ppl can manage that but I just can't.
It's not well explained I don't want to make a 10000 line post on that this is not my problem and this is kind of stuff wich end to be really annoying. At the time this dynamic begin, everything is fucked.
Imo that's my fault, I was too insisting on integrating the group for the girl at first and trying to make friend with the guy B (bc he was really a good guy and I felt we could have a good relationship). Someone said that I should wait ppl wanting to be friend with me and be the best friend possible, this really recalibrated myself, next time I'll do that.
You are really idealizing the mental sanity of the group lol. The girl had psy problem (myself have some, depression), she's really difficult to "get into", to simply get some news, somewhat socially avoidant, etc (but Ive never stopped to find quality to her, this still got back badly on myself). What you say is really what I'm looking for, but it need actualized ppl