An example from my own life. . . someone close to me was in an accident, badly hurt and I was taking care of them as they recovered. At first they actually needed me to do everything for them, from cutting their food to wiping their ass, they physically couldn't do it themselves. But, as they grew stronger I made them do more and more things on their own. They complained at me, sometimes begging me to do it, but I knew they could do it for themselves, and I told them so, refusing to do for them what they could do themselves. And they did. Everything I thought they could do, they were able to do without my help, they just needed the push to do it. One time in public I made them open a door for themselves and go through it. When I wouldn't do it, they started begging passersby to help them, until some "kind" person gave in. It wasn't kind. It was holding them back. And sometimes helping someone is just holding them back. But, to those people walking by, I'm sure I looked like some kind of cruel abuser, and man, the looks I got. . . that was sometimes hard to take, their eyes saying, "You horrible woman abusing that poor helpless handicapped person" the accusation in their glares. So yeah, sometimes too you have to look like the bad guy to do the most good. And they did want to be able to do these things themselves - it wasn't like I was trying to make them do something they didn't ultimately want anyway.