Does "tough love" motivation work on you?

[sbbds]

You keep moving the goalposts with every response, expecting deeper and deeper levels of self-disclosure from me (when you haven't said anything about yourself), when I think I've pretty much answered all your questions. I said years of observing that same pattern (of tough love -> acquiescing -> feeling like I betrayed myself) again and again, plus years of therapy and self-reflection. I've been on this forum for over 13 years. I feel like I've shared enough of myself here over the years that no one needs my life story anymore. I think you're reading that post as far more judgmental than it really is. I'm not even saying those people are "victims", any more than any other person. We all have neuroses of some kind (including me), unless we've reached nirvana or something.

My problem is that if you indeed have had such experiences and you believe in them, you should be as revealing and helpful as possible, instead of just dropping off a quasi-demeaning comment nonchalantly and vamoosing. I did reference my personal experience in my posts in this thread, and I have talked about my life a lot on here too. I don’t care how long you’ve been on here; you’ve been inactive for a while and so I haven’t seen your posts and apparently you haven’t seen mine either.

[Animal]

My problem is that if you indeed have had such experiences and you believe in them, you should be as revealing and helpful as possible, instead of just dropping off a quasi-demeaning comment nonchalantly and vamoosing. I did reference my personal experience in my posts in this thread, and I have talked about my life a lot on here too. I don’t care how long you’ve been on here; you’ve been inactive for a while and so I haven’t seen your posts and apparently you haven’t seen mine either.

That "should" is asking a lot, IMO. Yes, it would be nice if people did that, but I'm just too lazy to invest that much effort into a post on here anymore. It also isn't reasonable to expect people to foresee every possible way their words could be construed, especially on a casual platform like this forum. No one is beholden to jumping through arbitrary hoops someone throws up, after-the-fact. It simply didn't occur to me to write that post any other way than I did. Also, people should be free to disclose as much or as little of themselves as they feel comfortable doing. (See: Your Personal Bill of Rights.) Sharing things with the right people in the right context can be very healing. But doing so indiscriminately can have bad consequences. I don't feel like sharing any more than I have, so I won't. But I will try to be more mindful of coming across as demeaning and victim-blaming in the future.

[sbbds]

That "should" is asking a lot, IMO. Yes, it would be nice if people did that, but I'm just too lazy to invest that much effort into a post on here anymore. It also isn't reasonable to expect people to foresee every possible way their words could be construed, especially on a casual platform like this forum. No one is beholden to jumping through arbitrary hoops someone throws up, after-the-fact. It simply didn't occur to me to write that post any other way than I did. Also, people should be free to disclose as much or as little of themselves as they feel comfortable doing. (See: Your Personal Bill of Rights.) Sharing things with the right people in the right context can be very healing. But doing so indiscriminately can have bad consequences. I don't feel like sharing any more than I have, so I won't. But I will try to be more mindful of coming across as demeaning and victim-blaming in the future.

I only say should, because it makes you look a bit like more of a dick if you don’t in this case, but good job on the final comment there.