There’s always going to be some kind of meta-dynamic going on IMO. Sorry but if you live in a utopia without these with those you socialize with, let me know where it is please, and how to get there.Originally Posted by Animal
You basically got that time and space because you kowtowed enough and climbed high enough to where you no longer have to deal with that side of the dynamic from people as much.
I think you're misinterpreting my posts. Freud's idea of the superego was that it was a part of the ego that had broken off to police our behavior and keep us accountable to society and our tribe on whom we depend on for survival but that it can go insane and fall into self-punishment. So, yes, there has to be some degree of give-and-take with regard to honoring our own feelings, wishes, impulses (the id) and the demands of the people around us. That's a given. I'm not arguing that we all retreat into self-absorption. That's a recipe for chaos. What I'm saying is that people shouldn't let other brutalize them into becoming completely alienated from themselves, which is something I see fairly often, and IMO a cause of a lot of the psychological suffering (and cruelty) we see in the world nowadays.There’s always going to be some kind of meta-dynamic going on IMO. Sorry but if you live in a utopia without these with those you socialize with, let me know where it is please, and how to get there.
You basically got that time and space because you kowtowed enough and climbed high enough to where you no longer have to deal with that side of the dynamic from people as much.
"How could we forget those ancient myths that stand at the beginning of all races, the myths about dragons that at the last moment are transformed into princesses? Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us act, just once, with beauty and courage. Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in its deepest essence, something helpless that wants our love."
-- Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet
No I agree with that. I think that’s all a given.
What I am saying is that you present your stance as if becoming a “victim” here is optional, and an option to avoid in most cases. You’re not giving details on how you achieved your current position having “escaped” that situation, like you’re not even wanting to acknowledge it properly in the first place. You can’t tell me that you just woke up one day and started to backtalk your boss for e.g. lol. Or did you?
You keep moving the goalposts with every response, expecting deeper and deeper levels of self-disclosure from me (when you haven't said anything about yourself), when I think I've pretty much answered all your questions. I said years of observing that same pattern (of tough love -> acquiescing -> feeling like I betrayed myself) again and again, plus years of therapy and self-reflection. I've been on this forum for over 13 years. I feel like I've shared enough of myself here over the years that no one needs my life story anymore. I think you're reading that post as far more judgmental than it really is. I'm not even saying those people are "victims", any more than any other person. We all have neuroses of some kind (including me), unless we've reached nirvana or something.
"How could we forget those ancient myths that stand at the beginning of all races, the myths about dragons that at the last moment are transformed into princesses? Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us act, just once, with beauty and courage. Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in its deepest essence, something helpless that wants our love."
-- Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet
My problem is that if you indeed have had such experiences and you believe in them, you should be as revealing and helpful as possible, instead of just dropping off a quasi-demeaning comment nonchalantly and vamoosing. I did reference my personal experience in my posts in this thread, and I have talked about my life a lot on here too. I don’t care how long you’ve been on here; you’ve been inactive for a while and so I haven’t seen your posts and apparently you haven’t seen mine either.
That "should" is asking a lot, IMO. Yes, it would be nice if people did that, but I'm just too lazy to invest that much effort into a post on here anymore. It also isn't reasonable to expect people to foresee every possible way their words could be construed, especially on a casual platform like this forum. No one is beholden to jumping through arbitrary hoops someone throws up, after-the-fact. It simply didn't occur to me to write that post any other way than I did. Also, people should be free to disclose as much or as little of themselves as they feel comfortable doing. (See: Your Personal Bill of Rights.) Sharing things with the right people in the right context can be very healing. But doing so indiscriminately can have bad consequences. I don't feel like sharing any more than I have, so I won't. But I will try to be more mindful of coming across as demeaning and victim-blaming in the future.
"How could we forget those ancient myths that stand at the beginning of all races, the myths about dragons that at the last moment are transformed into princesses? Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us act, just once, with beauty and courage. Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in its deepest essence, something helpless that wants our love."
-- Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet
I only say should, because it makes you look a bit like more of a dick if you don’t in this case, but good job on the final comment there.
Posting Permissions
Reply With Quote