Quote Originally Posted by sbbds View Post
Thanks for sharing, but the problem I had with your OP was that you (perhaps inadvertently) cast other people going through those dynamics as being victims like how you apparently saw yourself, which is demeaning. Yet you didn’t reveal that you were a victim yourself in that post, which is shady.

Also you could consider that you simply don’t need the tough love anymore as a symptom of evolving away from it, not that it’s useless in itself or was always useless for you.
I think that's a fair criticism of that post. I think I've probably been reading too much psychoanalysis, which has a tendency to pathologize people. That said, it's hard for me to think of a situation in which tough love would be the best option compared to something subtler and more respectful of people's deeper motivations (and anti-motivations). People have reasons for being the way they are and doing the things they do, even if it's seemingly self-destructive. (Some of the things I've done in the past were self-destructive, and people tried to tell me that in a tough love kind of way. I appreciated that they cared and were concerned for me, and that helped me a bit. But, I think, people need to be given time and space to listen to themselves for the resulting behavior changes to be more than just going-through-the-motions of social compliance or shame/guilt.) The "love" part of tough love is important, and is lacking in many people's execution of tough love. A lot of people who preach "tough love" are just trying to coerce people into their own value system. But I can see how tough love, coming from someone who really loves you or cares about your welfare, might register and help mobilize a healthy part of the self. Without that crucial component, hough, it's very easy to turn into self-punishment.