Does "tough love" motivation work on you?

[ghost of forum past]

It depends. If it's someone that I trust has the best intentions for me, and I think what they are saying is correct, then yes. Truth is for me, if I already feel uncomfortable about something I have done, then it was probably something that was wrong, and ideally that would be motivation enough to change something, but sometimes external checks can help that motivation if there isn't enough within me. I think that in general it's a good idea for people to have "reality checks" with a situation spelled out for them bluntly (not necessarily aggressively). But I'm not going to listen to that sort of aggression from a random stranger, I'm much more likely to just brush them off.

I wish I were more thick-skinned, but in reality, I tend to react defensively to manifestations of hot aggression (especially accusations) from other people, even if it's meant well, so if you really want an answer from me quickly you should be blunt but not extremely accusatory. Generally if people that I care about are directing strong emotions towards me I will mirror the reaction if I'm not being careful. Upon further thought I can recognize the goodwill behind it if there is any. A while back, I provided an analogy to a SO that went something like this (for context, I was upset about something but I didn't want to talk about it at that moment, and she was mad about that): "If you attack me and send in your cannons, I will respond by fortifying the walls of my fortress so that you can't come in. But if you send your diplomats instead, I am much more likely to let you come in to discuss, even if you have the same grievances". A bit pretentious but it represents my view on the matter well - tough love is extremely valuable but it need not be manifested in an overly aggressive way.