Since the Introverted Dual is so Often Passed Over by the Extraverted Dual~

[Minde]

@Minde you shared some really really good advice, thank you That's very helpful.

Congratulations on your dual relationship!!
*currently thinking of where in town I can go to meet ILEs in their element*

I'm happy you found it helpful!

One thing I think is important is that when you do venture outside of your comfort zone that it's something you genuinely want to do independent of if you find a dual who sticks around. Like my hike up the mountain was something I decided I wanted to do for myself because I felt it would be good for me.

This is good on a number of levels including 1) if it doesn't "work out" you still have had fun and 2) you become a more well-rounded person.

I think I sometimes mimic my dual to attract their attention.

I've associated with several duals, and the only ones who responded to me as an LIE were one I talked to twice a week for over a year, and another who is recently married to a guy who might be an LIE. Almost all the other ESI's whom I meet initially seem uninterested in me.

However, I have noticed that a couple of the ESI's I like (from a distance, unfortunately) seem to be attracted to SLE's and SLI's. I figured, What the hell, I can imitate an SLE for a short time. I got myself a black shirt, gray jeans and sneakers, and a nice leather jacket, put on the mindset of "Fuck the world, I'm coming though" and I was actually approached by an ESI who cleared a space at a table I was near and asked me if I needed a space to set my stuff down?

So now that I know that strategy works, I'm wondering if it is worth connecting with females who are at a point in their development where they are looking for an Identical rather than a Dual, and I'm leaning toward "No".

I think it's less that you become an identical and more that you visibly demonstrate your value for their values. Like you may not be "good" at doing the things they do naturally, but if you practice striving for the same goals you do gain some proficiency at least in bursts, and I think that's appealing to a dual.

For example, kindness is a huge deal for me in terms of people I like. I could be around the most efficient, comfort-making person and yet if they are unkind it's a huge turn off. (In fact, I might even sabotage them...) One of the big things that drew me to my LSE was his thoughtfulness and consideration toward everyone around him. He's not always "good" at it, and he even has said multiple times that he feels it's a weakness of his, that he has to consciously think about how his actions and words affect others' feelings, but he values people's well-being a lot and so he tries. And I can see that and it draws me to him.

As someone mentioned earlier, a lot of people have an idea in their minds of the type of person they want, and often it's a very similar version of themselves (only more perfect, lol). But it's not what's best, or even better. Once you're around someone who values the same things you do and yet has complementary strengths the ideal can shift a bit.

[Xaiviay]

I'm happy you found it helpful!

One thing I think is important is that when you do venture outside of your comfort zone that it's something you genuinely want to do independent of if you find a dual who sticks around. Like my hike up the mountain was something I decided I wanted to do for myself because I felt it would be good for me.

This is good on a number of levels including 1) if it doesn't "work out" you still have had fun and 2) you become a more well-rounded person.

Ohh thank you, yes this is encouraging in a way It's better to meet doing something that you both genuinely want to participate in, anyways. Then you relate over a mutually shared interest. And also, you'd have more fun either way & all the reasons you mentioned.

I think it's less that you become an identical and more that you visibly demonstrate your value for their values. Like you may not be "good" at doing the things they do naturally, but if you practice striving for the same goals you do gain some proficiency at least in bursts, and I think that's appealing to a dual.

Demonstrating appreciation for their values - yes I like this.

For example, kindness is a huge deal for me in terms of people I like. I could be around the most efficient, comfort-making person and yet if they are unkind it's a huge turn off. (In fact, I might even sabotage them...) One of the big things that drew me to my LSE was his thoughtfulness and consideration toward everyone around him. He's not always "good" at it, and he even has said multiple times that he feels it's a weakness of his, that he has to consciously think about how his actions and words affect others' feelings, but he values people's well-being a lot and so he tries. And I can see that and it draws me to him.

Yes I've seen some LSEs who are quite rude, and others who try very hard to be kind and considerate, whether or not they are good at it. It's definitely better to be around the one who is trying > the one who doesn't seem to care. I'd imagine it'd be an even bigger difference to an EII. It's nice to see your dual try to uphold your own values, definitely.

As someone mentioned earlier, a lot of people have an idea in their minds of the type of person they want, and often it's a very similar version of themselves (only more perfect, lol). But it's not what's best, or even better. Once you're around someone who values the same things you do and yet has complementary strengths the ideal can shift a bit.

Ironically this is actually how I learned to value ILEs romantically, by seeing one who tried to use Si and Fe well on his own, as well as his naturally strong Ne and Ti. It felt like "yes, that's the kind of person I want. How did I never see this before?!?"