Since the Introverted Dual is so Often Passed Over by the Extraverted Dual~

[silke]

But atm, if I have to act more like an ILE than is healthy for me, in order to get my dual's attention, I'm about ready to say "forget it". I know an IEI-SLE couple that formed this way, with the IEI acting all tough and competitive. Basically stroking the SLE's ego with a mirror image of himself all the time. I wonder how draining it must've been for her. The SLE was always ranting about how he loved strong, competitive, logically intelligent, competent women. Like the traditional female gender role was beneath him, and he wanted to see someone who embodied the same qualities he prized in himself instead. It seemed narcissitic, and I actually felt bad for her.

But yeah personally, I don't want to end up in a relationship like that. I've already learned that a big part of me really desires a partner with NT talents--despite the humbling it took to become self-aware in that area. I've also learned to use intuition and thinking to such a degree that I get mistaken for an NT on occasion - I explore new theories and possibilities, and analyze systems that interest me, on my own. I'm not that bad at Ne/Ti. It's good to develop that part of your type, both for connecting better with your dual, and for self-actualization. I'd rather have an ILE who has already gone through the same humbling process, and who has learned to use Si and Fe decently, or at least wants to. I don't want to set the precedence that we're both Ne and Ti, while shoving SF things under the rug

Ugh. You have completely misunderstood what I was saying. What I wrote did not imply that you have to act like an ILE for the duration of your relationship and wear yourself out by acting like another type. This is a leap of imagination that you took entirely out of your own, and it landed into some kind of absurdity. It's a method for drawing the attention of your dual for a short while, which in turn happens naturally from the IEs of the Super-Id block when you find a compatible dual.

I would also question the typings in the IEI-SLE dual pair you're describing. It doesn't match my experience with my duals and sounds nothing like any of the IEI-SLE couples that I've seen. The IEI does not overtly compete with the SLE for rather obvious reasons, and if those were the conclusions that you have drawn, it shows that you really didn't understand the dynamic there.

[Xaiviay]

Ugh. You have completely misunderstood what I was saying. What I wrote did not imply that you have to act like an ILE for the duration of your relationship and wear yourself out by acting like another type. This is a leap of imagination that you took entirely out of your own, and it landed into some kind of absurdity. It's a method for drawing the attention of your dual for a short while, which in turn happens naturally from the IEs of the Super-Id block when you find a compatible dual.

It seems to me like you have misread me. Yes, I got your original meaning. I just don't like using that tactic personally, that's all I was getting at. I am a little frustrated right now by the way people tend to overlook I-p temperaments, and I may have seemed like I was directing that frustration at you instead. I apologize, if this is the case.

[silke]

It seems to me like you have misread me. Yes, I got your original meaning. I just don't like using that tactic personally, that's all I was getting at. I am a little frustrated right now by the way people tend to overlook I-p temperaments, and I may have seemed like I was directing that frustration at you instead. I apologize, if this is the case.

You did not get my "original meaning" which is why I posted that you have completely misunderstood what I have said. And, apparently, you didn't even care to understand.

Which you know, at this point your self-centered attitude is not making it worthwhile to respond to your posts.

I feel like I've made a mistake in friending you and I have unfriended you from my account on this site.

You're free to direct your frustration elsewhere.

[Xaiviay]

You did not get my "original meaning" which is why I posted that you have completely misunderstood what I have said. And, apparently, you didn't even care to understand.

Which you know, at this point your self-centered attitude is not making it worthwhile to respond to your posts.

I feel like I've made a mistake in friending you and I have unfriended you from my account on this site. You're free to direct your frustration elsewhere.

I understood, you were talking about mimicking one's dual for a short amount of time to attract their attention. You may like idea, and maybe it works for some, and if so that's great. I don't have to feel the same way about it, and you cannot expect me to agree with you. You are free to unfriend me and think whatever you want about me.

[Adam Strange]

I understood, you were talking about mimicking one's dual for a short amount of time to attract their attention. You may like idea, and maybe it works for some, and if so that's great. I don't have to feel the same way about it, and you cannot expect me to agree with you. You are free to unfriend me and think whatever you want about me.

I think I sometimes mimic my dual to attract their attention.

I've associated with several duals, and the only ones who responded to me as an LIE were one I talked to twice a week for over a year, and another who is recently married to a guy who might be an LIE. Almost all the other ESI's whom I meet initially seem uninterested in me.

However, I have noticed that a couple of the ESI's I like (from a distance, unfortunately) seem to be attracted to SLE's and SLI's. I figured, What the hell, I can imitate an SLE for a short time. I got myself a black shirt, gray jeans and sneakers, and a nice leather jacket, put on the mindset of "Fuck the world, I'm coming though" and I was actually approached by an ESI who cleared a space at a table I was near and asked me if I needed a space to set my stuff down?

So now that I know that strategy works, I'm wondering if it is worth connecting with females who are at a point in their development where they are looking for an Identical rather than a Dual, and I'm leaning toward "No".

[Minde]

@Minde you shared some really really good advice, thank you That's very helpful.

Congratulations on your dual relationship!!
*currently thinking of where in town I can go to meet ILEs in their element*

I'm happy you found it helpful!

One thing I think is important is that when you do venture outside of your comfort zone that it's something you genuinely want to do independent of if you find a dual who sticks around. Like my hike up the mountain was something I decided I wanted to do for myself because I felt it would be good for me.

This is good on a number of levels including 1) if it doesn't "work out" you still have had fun and 2) you become a more well-rounded person.

I think I sometimes mimic my dual to attract their attention.

I've associated with several duals, and the only ones who responded to me as an LIE were one I talked to twice a week for over a year, and another who is recently married to a guy who might be an LIE. Almost all the other ESI's whom I meet initially seem uninterested in me.

However, I have noticed that a couple of the ESI's I like (from a distance, unfortunately) seem to be attracted to SLE's and SLI's. I figured, What the hell, I can imitate an SLE for a short time. I got myself a black shirt, gray jeans and sneakers, and a nice leather jacket, put on the mindset of "Fuck the world, I'm coming though" and I was actually approached by an ESI who cleared a space at a table I was near and asked me if I needed a space to set my stuff down?

So now that I know that strategy works, I'm wondering if it is worth connecting with females who are at a point in their development where they are looking for an Identical rather than a Dual, and I'm leaning toward "No".

I think it's less that you become an identical and more that you visibly demonstrate your value for their values. Like you may not be "good" at doing the things they do naturally, but if you practice striving for the same goals you do gain some proficiency at least in bursts, and I think that's appealing to a dual.

For example, kindness is a huge deal for me in terms of people I like. I could be around the most efficient, comfort-making person and yet if they are unkind it's a huge turn off. (In fact, I might even sabotage them...) One of the big things that drew me to my LSE was his thoughtfulness and consideration toward everyone around him. He's not always "good" at it, and he even has said multiple times that he feels it's a weakness of his, that he has to consciously think about how his actions and words affect others' feelings, but he values people's well-being a lot and so he tries. And I can see that and it draws me to him.

As someone mentioned earlier, a lot of people have an idea in their minds of the type of person they want, and often it's a very similar version of themselves (only more perfect, lol). But it's not what's best, or even better. Once you're around someone who values the same things you do and yet has complementary strengths the ideal can shift a bit.

[Xaiviay]

I'm happy you found it helpful!

One thing I think is important is that when you do venture outside of your comfort zone that it's something you genuinely want to do independent of if you find a dual who sticks around. Like my hike up the mountain was something I decided I wanted to do for myself because I felt it would be good for me.

This is good on a number of levels including 1) if it doesn't "work out" you still have had fun and 2) you become a more well-rounded person.

Ohh thank you, yes this is encouraging in a way It's better to meet doing something that you both genuinely want to participate in, anyways. Then you relate over a mutually shared interest. And also, you'd have more fun either way & all the reasons you mentioned.

I think it's less that you become an identical and more that you visibly demonstrate your value for their values. Like you may not be "good" at doing the things they do naturally, but if you practice striving for the same goals you do gain some proficiency at least in bursts, and I think that's appealing to a dual.

Demonstrating appreciation for their values - yes I like this.

For example, kindness is a huge deal for me in terms of people I like. I could be around the most efficient, comfort-making person and yet if they are unkind it's a huge turn off. (In fact, I might even sabotage them...) One of the big things that drew me to my LSE was his thoughtfulness and consideration toward everyone around him. He's not always "good" at it, and he even has said multiple times that he feels it's a weakness of his, that he has to consciously think about how his actions and words affect others' feelings, but he values people's well-being a lot and so he tries. And I can see that and it draws me to him.

Yes I've seen some LSEs who are quite rude, and others who try very hard to be kind and considerate, whether or not they are good at it. It's definitely better to be around the one who is trying > the one who doesn't seem to care. I'd imagine it'd be an even bigger difference to an EII. It's nice to see your dual try to uphold your own values, definitely.

As someone mentioned earlier, a lot of people have an idea in their minds of the type of person they want, and often it's a very similar version of themselves (only more perfect, lol). But it's not what's best, or even better. Once you're around someone who values the same things you do and yet has complementary strengths the ideal can shift a bit.

Ironically this is actually how I learned to value ILEs romantically, by seeing one who tried to use Si and Fe well on his own, as well as his naturally strong Ne and Ti. It felt like "yes, that's the kind of person I want. How did I never see this before?!?"