Since the Introverted Dual is so Often Passed Over by the Extraverted Dual~

[silke]

... It actually has been my experience that ILEs pass over SEIs.

I'm not saying this is what always happens, in fact I really hope this is not what usually happens! I'm just going off of what I've experienced, and this article happens to confirm it.

Has been my impression as well. I used to play a multiplayer game that was based in science fiction and quite competitive, so it was overrun by male ILEs. The group I played with for was large, close to 200 players, so besides the the NT members we did have a few SEIs in that mix. In retrospect, I did get the impression that the ILEs would ignore the few SEIs that we had. Like it was a non-interaction between them. Their conversations didn't go much past some immediate need or small talk. At the same time the ILEs would show a lot more interest in the EIIs and IEIs and even LSEs we had in this group. It seems like many ILEs in their 20s will pursue EII, ILI, IEI, and even SLI and LSE girls and overlook the SEIs. They say that they are looking for an "intelligent" partner to match themselves, and girls of logical and/or intuitive types are most likely to impress them that way.

I've also been seeing a lot of ILE male - LSE female couples around. While the LSE woman is reluctant and unsure about having serious relations with an ILE, as the ILE doesn't 'build' a relationship the way Fi types accomplish this, the ILE is unabashed by the LSE's cold-ish treatment, so he sticks around and tries to impress her by his Ne antics, and eventually the LSE girl figures that she needs someone to take care of and gets into a relationship with the ILE.

the only one who initiated a friendship did it when I was using lots of Ti and being overly analytical (he even said "you seem like a very calculating, logical person")

That's one way to draw a dual's attention to yourself - is to temporarily act like them and mirror their behavior. A lot of people get stuck on the notion that their ideal match is someone who is like them, and while duals are alike in many ways they don't immediately show this as the dual-seeking functions are subconscious. So once you show this, you'll get their attention.

Duality is also sharply felt when one of the duals leaves, gets fired, or suddenly goes missing. This is when the other dual might get those subconscious feelings rise up to conscious recognition of them, so that they become a lot more aware of the connection that was there that they used to take for granted.

Another scenario described by Gulenko is when duals help each other out in times of trouble, which brings their unrealized strong points to the forefront in friendship or a relationship. This one also works, but honestly it is difficult to actuate in Western societies that place so much emphasis on individualism, individual achievement, and independence.

[Xaiviay]

Has been my impression as well. I used to play a multiplayer game that was based in science fiction and quite competitive, so it was overrun by male ILEs. The group I played with for was large, close to 200 players, so besides the the NT members we did have a few SEIs in that mix. In retrospect, I did get the impression that the ILEs would ignore the few SEIs that we had. Like it was a non-interaction between them. Their conversations didn't go much past some immediate need or small talk. At the same time the ILEs would show a lot more interest in the EIIs and IEIs and even LSEs we had in this group. It seems like many ILEs in their 20s will pursue EII, ILI, IEI, and even SLI and LSE girls and overlook the SEIs. They say that they are looking for an "intelligent" partner to match themselves, and girls of logical and/or intuitive types are most likely to impress them that way.

Geez, this has also been the impression I get. It sucks for SEIs, but...hey thanks for your feedback, anyways.

That's one way to draw a dual's attention to yourself - is to temporarily act like them and mirror their behavior. A lot of people get stuck on the notion that their ideal match is someone who is like them, and while duals are alike in many ways they don't immediately show this as the dual-seeking functions are subconscious. So once you show this, you'll get their attention.

Yeah that's one decent strategy, if it works out where your dual ends up seeing you for your natural personality and valuing you for it, before too long.

But atm, if I have to act more like an ILE than is healthy for me, in order to get my dual's attention, I'm about ready to say "forget it". I know an IEI-SLE couple that formed this way, with the IEI acting all tough and competitive. Basically stroking the SLE's ego with a mirror image of himself all the time. I wonder how draining it must've been for her. The SLE was always ranting about how he loved strong, competitive, logically intelligent, competent women. Like the traditional female gender role was beneath him, and he wanted to see someone who embodied the same qualities he prized in himself instead. It seemed narcissitic, and I actually felt bad for her.

But yeah personally, I don't want to end up in a relationship like that. I've already learned that a big part of me really desires a partner with NT talents--despite the humbling it took to become self-aware in that area. I've also learned to use intuition and thinking to such a degree that I get mistaken for an NT on occasion - I explore new theories and possibilities, and analyze systems that interest me, on my own. I'm not that bad at Ne/Ti. It's good to develop that part of your type, both for connecting better with your dual, and for self-actualization. I'd rather have an ILE who has already gone through the same humbling process, and who has learned to use Si and Fe decently, or at least wants to. I don't want to set the precedence that we're both Ne and Ti, while shoving SF things under the rug

[silke]

But atm, if I have to act more like an ILE than is healthy for me, in order to get my dual's attention, I'm about ready to say "forget it". I know an IEI-SLE couple that formed this way, with the IEI acting all tough and competitive. Basically stroking the SLE's ego with a mirror image of himself all the time. I wonder how draining it must've been for her. The SLE was always ranting about how he loved strong, competitive, logically intelligent, competent women. Like the traditional female gender role was beneath him, and he wanted to see someone who embodied the same qualities he prized in himself instead. It seemed narcissitic, and I actually felt bad for her.

But yeah personally, I don't want to end up in a relationship like that. I've already learned that a big part of me really desires a partner with NT talents--despite the humbling it took to become self-aware in that area. I've also learned to use intuition and thinking to such a degree that I get mistaken for an NT on occasion - I explore new theories and possibilities, and analyze systems that interest me, on my own. I'm not that bad at Ne/Ti. It's good to develop that part of your type, both for connecting better with your dual, and for self-actualization. I'd rather have an ILE who has already gone through the same humbling process, and who has learned to use Si and Fe decently, or at least wants to. I don't want to set the precedence that we're both Ne and Ti, while shoving SF things under the rug

Ugh. You have completely misunderstood what I was saying. What I wrote did not imply that you have to act like an ILE for the duration of your relationship and wear yourself out by acting like another type. This is a leap of imagination that you took entirely out of your own, and it landed into some kind of absurdity. It's a method for drawing the attention of your dual for a short while, which in turn happens naturally from the IEs of the Super-Id block when you find a compatible dual.

I would also question the typings in the IEI-SLE dual pair you're describing. It doesn't match my experience with my duals and sounds nothing like any of the IEI-SLE couples that I've seen. The IEI does not overtly compete with the SLE for rather obvious reasons, and if those were the conclusions that you have drawn, it shows that you really didn't understand the dynamic there.

[Xaiviay]

Ugh. You have completely misunderstood what I was saying. What I wrote did not imply that you have to act like an ILE for the duration of your relationship and wear yourself out by acting like another type. This is a leap of imagination that you took entirely out of your own, and it landed into some kind of absurdity. It's a method for drawing the attention of your dual for a short while, which in turn happens naturally from the IEs of the Super-Id block when you find a compatible dual.

It seems to me like you have misread me. Yes, I got your original meaning. I just don't like using that tactic personally, that's all I was getting at. I am a little frustrated right now by the way people tend to overlook I-p temperaments, and I may have seemed like I was directing that frustration at you instead. I apologize, if this is the case.

[silke]

It seems to me like you have misread me. Yes, I got your original meaning. I just don't like using that tactic personally, that's all I was getting at. I am a little frustrated right now by the way people tend to overlook I-p temperaments, and I may have seemed like I was directing that frustration at you instead. I apologize, if this is the case.

You did not get my "original meaning" which is why I posted that you have completely misunderstood what I have said. And, apparently, you didn't even care to understand.

Which you know, at this point your self-centered attitude is not making it worthwhile to respond to your posts.

I feel like I've made a mistake in friending you and I have unfriended you from my account on this site.

You're free to direct your frustration elsewhere.

[Xaiviay]

You did not get my "original meaning" which is why I posted that you have completely misunderstood what I have said. And, apparently, you didn't even care to understand.

Which you know, at this point your self-centered attitude is not making it worthwhile to respond to your posts.

I feel like I've made a mistake in friending you and I have unfriended you from my account on this site. You're free to direct your frustration elsewhere.

I understood, you were talking about mimicking one's dual for a short amount of time to attract their attention. You may like idea, and maybe it works for some, and if so that's great. I don't have to feel the same way about it, and you cannot expect me to agree with you. You are free to unfriend me and think whatever you want about me.

[Adam Strange]

I understood, you were talking about mimicking one's dual for a short amount of time to attract their attention. You may like idea, and maybe it works for some, and if so that's great. I don't have to feel the same way about it, and you cannot expect me to agree with you. You are free to unfriend me and think whatever you want about me.

I think I sometimes mimic my dual to attract their attention.

I've associated with several duals, and the only ones who responded to me as an LIE were one I talked to twice a week for over a year, and another who is recently married to a guy who might be an LIE. Almost all the other ESI's whom I meet initially seem uninterested in me.

However, I have noticed that a couple of the ESI's I like (from a distance, unfortunately) seem to be attracted to SLE's and SLI's. I figured, What the hell, I can imitate an SLE for a short time. I got myself a black shirt, gray jeans and sneakers, and a nice leather jacket, put on the mindset of "Fuck the world, I'm coming though" and I was actually approached by an ESI who cleared a space at a table I was near and asked me if I needed a space to set my stuff down?

So now that I know that strategy works, I'm wondering if it is worth connecting with females who are at a point in their development where they are looking for an Identical rather than a Dual, and I'm leaning toward "No".

[waddup]

I think I understand what you are trying to say, but I still think Ne is related to having a "broad knowledge base." Speaking of myself, specifically, I cannot follow an interest if it is only further repetitive, with the main pattern(s) not changing at all. That sounds extremely dull and uninteresting. Ne users do seek out several different interests, which contributes to their "broad knowledge base" - even if it isn't "deep" as you claimed - though I would argue that Ne is complemented by other function(s) that certainly deepen the understanding to a satisfactory level for the Ne user.

If you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree...

But yes, repetitiveness sounds really dreary and is probably an anathema to most Ne users. I just can't do it. I can't. I cannot follow something if it doesn't interest me anymore. Perhaps SX is involved in this as well (not because I am SX dominant, or anything like that, but because the Sexual instinct is often the "driving force" if you will, when it comes to what many people spend most of their energy on, in general).

There is a difference between knowledge and fan facts.

Just because you visited a Auto parts store and learned about your engine doesn’t make you knowledgeable in automechanics.

This is what squark is alluding to. Knowing a little bit of everything doesn’t make you knowledgeable in everything.

[waddup]

(unamused)



Yeah, I know. Which is why I offered a reason why they do deepen it, though not by seeking out the same of something they have clearly gotten bored of, but by bringing in their own individual/original framework (Ti or Fi for instance, Ni would also play a role) in order to deepen their understanding of it.

For sure. Still, we all know those Ne types of any colour who arrive on the scene a little out of their depth. (As all people can yes yes yes we get it) aka: I read a book once and now Im basically a pro.

Did you spend the hundred practise hours in highschool math learning the material? Boring, but necessary and also teaches you how to logic your way through problems. Knowledge also comes imo from experience, which isnt something you can just “opportunitize” your way into.

[waddup]

I don't know, I haven't encountered an Ne user who is like that, if they are out there. I certainly don't do that. People may perhaps be reticent about how much they know or don't know, specially if they have E5 influence, but I wouldn't brag I know more about something than I do.

That’s good : ) What I said is in the literature and I’ve noticed it as well.