IEE Difficulties SLI and subtype (ENFp and ISTp)

[meatburger]

being in a long term relationship with a person requires some degree of self-delusion.

What in particular do you want to know?

Just her phone number, email and Facebook mate.

Um, what would be most interesting?

-the types of things she liked to do day to day & mannerisms
-differences between her and the Si subtype you might have observed
-what really annoyed you about her
-her greatest strengths and things that might stand out to others about her

That'll do cheers!

[Adam Strange]

Just her phone number, email and Facebook mate.

Um, what would be most interesting?

-the types of things she liked to do day to day & mannerisms

She likes to work at the UM law school. She likes to take vacations to distant, isolated, comfortable places. On our honeymoon, we had a room in the Drake Hotel in Chicago for a couple weeks. Otherwise, she liked us to rent a house in Northern Michigan or Florida near a beach where she'd stay inside all day reading murder mysteries. Sometimes I could get her to go out, but not often. She needs a lot of alone time. She prepares ahead. On trips, she'd pack everything. She hates to drive and hates riding in a car. She likes train travel. She likes to shop for clothes and for food, and she likes to prepare food. She drinks one beer a day and stops there and I don't think I've ever seen her drunk. She doesn't eat much, and because she is very thin (5'8", 118 lbs when we married, not much different now) she can wear anything and look good, although her taste in good looking, practical, durable clothes is quite amazing. She once had a coat she was wearing but left on a chair stolen at a law conference (! Who steals coats? - But it was an amazing trench coat.)

She is very reliable and not very spontaneous. Even though she has very few friends whom she hasn't known for many years, she still needs people occasionally. She is very dutiful and meets her obligations. I suspect she thinks her life is boring, but she has never said that.

She is extremely sensitive to criticism. I basically never criticized her (they say it's hard for a Supervisee to do that, and I can vouch for that) but I could tell she'd kind of collapse inside when she thought someone was critical of her. You'd have to know her pretty well to see this, though.

As for her mannerisms, she is basically a female version of Clint Eastwood in his prime. Hard, remote, and effortlessly cruel but very competent.

-differences between her and the Si subtype you might have observed

I work with a guy whom I think might be the Si-subtype, but I'm not sure. He seems lazier and more racist and less certain and not as smart (but he has a PhD) as my ex. He might not be either subtype, though.

My ex and I bonded through our mutually strong Te which made us more like Mirrors than a Supervising/Supervised pair. We also bonded through our difficulties with our respective narcissistic parents. Life stories are more important than you might think.

My SLI-Te ex's sister is an IEE-Ne, and my SLI-Te son has a lot of trouble being around her. He says she is too scattered and random and he can't stand her. He calls her Spongebob. On the other hand, I have an IEE-Fi accountant who is very caring and warm and down-to-earth and even though she's older than he is (and very unhappily married to an ILE), I can tell that she kind of locks her attention on to him when they (rarely) are in the same room, and he in turn kind of panics and runs away from her, which is a sure sign he feels vulnerable to her interest. He doesn't act that way at all with his IEE-Ne aunt.

I think he sees some kind of inevitability in the IEE-Fi that he doesn't see in other women, and he's desperately afraid of being tied down. All I can really tell is that she scares the hell out of him, even though she's nice and isn't serious in that sense about him. She just thinks he's a really handsome, mature, interesting guy.

For what it's worth, when I first proposed marriage to my SLI-Te ex, she said "No". She just wanted to live in her apartment, me in my house, and we'd see each other every few days for companionship, mini-adventures, and sex. I told her that was not OK with me. We would either get closer or we'd get further apart. After a few days, she agreed to get married. So getting an SLI-Te to marry you is not the easiest thing in the world. They look at it as a restriction on their time and attention and an intrusion into their space, all of which they, of course, are hoarding.

-what really annoyed you about her

Not much annoyed me about her. We were almost perfect social and life-direction matches. However, she (along with all other SLI's) is a resource-hoarder. She would always give herself the largest portions of food when she was preparing plates of food, and she hid a considerable sum of money during our marriage while later claiming that I knew about it. You might think that this would make her appear selfish and it did to some extent, but she could also be quite generous to family members, friends, the church and the Salvation Army when she thought it was appropriate.

The worst thing about our marriage was the fact that we were on different sexual axis'. She is a Caregiver on the Caregiver-Infantile axis, and I am a Victim on the Aggressor-Victim axis. This made sex adequate but not very good. I have dated LSI's and perhaps an ESI (a long time ago) where the sex was orders of magnitude better.

What was just as bad is that I am Sx-first and she is Sx-last. Experience with this latter difference has caused me to break off dating an otherwise very attractive ESI sx-last recently.

-her greatest strengths and things that might stand out to others about her

She looks great (thin, dresses conservatively but with great taste) and she's very conscientious and practical and she works hard and is logical and she presents herself very well in an introverted, subdued, not-trying-hard way. She is often the person who is the public face of the law school at conferences, despite her being an introvert. She prepares very well.

That'll do cheers!

[meatburger]

Not kidding Adam, that was very helpful for my intuitive understanding of the Te sub. I started to re-allocate a large number of ISTps. Cheers!

She likes to work at the UM law school. She likes to take vacations to distant, isolated, comfortable places. On our honeymoon, we had a room in the Drake Hotel in Chicago for a couple weeks. Otherwise, she liked us to rent a house in Northern Michigan or Florida near a beach where she'd stay inside all day reading murder mysteries. Sometimes I could get her to go out, but not often. She needs a lot of alone time. She prepares ahead.

I actually knew an ISTp-Te when i lived in Darwin. She is now a Barrister. She liked to drink up a storm and was quite thin. Another one i used to work with was older, thin and fairly quiet and she seemed exactly the type to stay at home reading murder mysteries ha. She didn't have a drivers licence, i think she used to love to drink. She didn't strike me as someone who led a really exciting life but i never thought she was a loser.

She is very reliable and not very spontaneous. Even though she has very few friends whom she hasn't known for many years, she still needs people occasionally. She is very dutiful and meets her obligations. I suspect she thinks her life is boring, but she has never said that.

I just thought of another one right now. She was an older manager at a council for the aged care department when on work placement. She and her ISFj colleague used to invite me out for dinner every now and then. I was late / nervous when we first met and i thought she was rude as fuck (well she was). I started working for this old guy with dementia (ISTp actually) and together we had his house forensically cleaned and i used to take him out to the beach for fish and chips. She was a workaholic, i got the impression she was lonely and she suffered depression. She went on a holiday to UK (I suggested she should do so) and one of her relatives got sick while she was over there and it ruined her whole holiday. I think i'll send her an email, i really feel for her now.

As for her mannerisms, she is basically a female version of Clint Eastwood in his prime. Hard, remote, and effortlessly cruel but very competent.

Haha i always thought Clint was an ISTj but you could be right. Effortlessly cruel? In what sense? My Te friend is the type of dude you would want if the world went to shit. He is hard and practical enough to survive.

I work with a guy whom I think might be the Si-subtype, but I'm not sure. He seems lazier and more racist and less certain and not as smart (but he has a PhD) as my ex. He might not be either subtype, though.

My SLI-Te ex's sister is an IEE-Ne, and my SLI-Te son has a lot of trouble being around her. He says she is too scattered and random and he can't stand her.

Its kind of opened up a whole new world of non duality i didn't realize existed. Like i think Ne-IEE's probably find Te-Sli's bland. I get the impression that the SLI finds me interesting until i open my mouth. Then shes like - is that it? The older SLI i described earlier didn't like an Ne-IEE who also worked with her which always surprised me. Makes a lot of sense now, this IEE was highly capable and very energetic. She has like 5 kids and holds down a job, i still don't understand how she does it.

On the other hand, I have an IEE-Fi accountant who is very caring and warm and down-to-earth and even though she's older than he is (and very unhappily married to an ILE), I can tell that she kind of locks her attention on to him when they (rarely) are in the same room, and he in turn kind of panics and runs away from her, which is a sure sign he feels vulnerable to her interest. He doesn't act that way at all with his IEE-Ne aunt.

I have an IEE-Fi in my friend group and she studied accounting. I actually thought what the heck why are you doing that. How can in IEE work in accounting long? She struggled with it too my LSE friend had to help her. She is now very successful in a marketing job.

I think he sees some kind of inevitability in the IEE-Fi that he doesn't see in other women, and he's desperately afraid of being tied down. All I can really tell is that she scares the hell out of him, even though she's nice and isn't serious in that sense about him. She just thinks he's a really handsome, mature, interesting guy.

Do you mean like - hes thinking fuck? If i dated her that would be it, id probably settle down and i'm not ready for that?

For what it's worth, when I first proposed marriage to my SLI-Te ex, she said "No". She just wanted to live in her apartment, me in my house, and we'd see each other every few days for companionship, mini-adventures, and sex. I told her that was not OK with me. We would either get closer or we'd get further apart. After a few days, she agreed to get married. So getting an SLI-Te to marry you is not the easiest thing in the world. They look at it as a restriction on their time and attention and an intrusion into their space, all of which they, of course, are hoarding.

Probably wouldn't bother me, i couldn't give a shit about being married at least at this point in my life haha. Living in different houses seems a bit shit though i wouldn't like that.

Not much annoyed me about her. We were almost perfect social and life-direction matches. However, she (along with all other SLI's) is a resource-hoarder. She would always give herself the largest portions of food when she was preparing plates of food, and she hid a considerable sum of money during our marriage while later claiming that I knew about it.

Lol ive seen my friend do this. Next time i'm going to ask for more meat.

The worst thing about our marriage was the fact that we were on different sexual axis'. She is a Caregiver on the Caregiver-Infantile axis, and I am a Victim on the Aggressor-Victim axis. This made sex adequate but not very good. I have dated LSI's and perhaps an ESI (a long time ago) where the sex was orders of magnitude better.

The best i ever had was with an SEE. I think they are pretty good at it though i don't claim it was any of my doing

What was just as bad is that I am Sx-first and she is Sx-last. Experience with this latter difference has caused me to break off dating an otherwise very attractive ESI sx-last recently.

I don't quite understand what you mean but shit like this really gets to me. Like i'll be honest i have this kind of heart-ache feeling now for the possibility of romance with that ISTp going out the window (despite me not really caring that much). It won't last long, probably a few days. The fact that she found something about me attractive but that we are not right for each other strikes me as this small tragedy. I notice the ESI subtypes quite easily. My mum is an ESI and she is the kindest person that i have ever met (towards her family). Shes remarkable really. Interestingly shes actually kind of xenophobic and i used to tell her off for it but now i just let it go.

Thanks a lot man. I found it hard to imagine what these differences between the two subtypes in women looked like in real life. I still think i'll struggle to differentiate them quickly at times.

Btw - one of my mates is an ENTj. He was very talented at sport to the point where he almost could have gone pro at tennis if he felt like it. He and i have a good laugh. Often i notice we bond on these strange intuitive stories we make up. So the other day when explaining my sleep deprivation i said they will probably see me on the news crashed into a building still asleep, and he found that really funny. He seems to really like my Fi. Other thing is, i have explained socionics to him and he really seems to get it better than anyone else ive explained it to. Genuinely good dude.