Fe Exhaustion

[Cosmic Teapot]

I have multiple questions


(1) how do LIIs (and LSI) handle the constant presence of Fe-leads? In particular ESEs. As introverts don't they get exhausted or irritated after some time?

I'm asking because my project partner is ESE. At first we only saw each other once a week for a few hours and she held herself back because we didn't know each other well. Actually she still knows nothing about me but now that I tried to smile and nod politely when she's talking she feels like we're friends or something. She expects me to react of everything she says and it's wearing me out. Which leads me to...

(2) how do I tell an ESE politely to leave me alone (and that bus rides are not for chatting)?

We see each other more often now to finish the project. She constantly tries to show how clever she is (just ESE thing) and how much fun she is having. I don't care. I just don't want to piss her off. (partly because I don't want to be an asshole and partly because we still have to work together smootly for a few weeks)


(3) How do I tell an EIE politely that I can't listen to her complaints and grievances all the time.

I don't want to hurt her or invalidate her feelings but sometimes I feel like she's at war with the world and expects my support. I've already been at this point and it didn't go well. She'll see my lack of concern as an insult eventually. I don't want to put a strain on our relationship but at the moment I'm out of options and I don't want to adjust my behavior on my own expense to make her happy.
At least not all the time. I can accept that compromises are necessary.

[Hope]

this is so bitchy, how dare you, I hope you improve your hypothetic PoLR soon.


(jk in memory of few members.)

edit.
In all seriousness I think ESEs are responsible and nice ppl for team work. I was actually in plenty of school projects with an ESE friend (the only one responsible and caring enough as friend and partner team).

I don't feel bothered by them unless they want to talk to me about how evil/mean etc is someone for 1000th time or request/push information (this doesnt happen with friend). I'm thankful for their existence and presence honestly. So don't get you in there completely.
I've seen LSI bothered by them sometimes, guess is more due Si with Fe, they just sit and listen to ESE patiently. I don't see LxI particularly bothered by Fe, guess. ESEs just obey what LII say or give some caring hand. So do what they do (LxI), just express what you need, what you will do and what do you need them to do for you and why its important as soon as possible before you run out of patience.

[Cosmic Teapot]

this is so bitchy, how dare you, I hope you improve your hypothetic PoLR soon.


(jk in memory of few members.)

For a moment I thought you're trying to kill me because I'm not trying to be bitchy - I need advice

[Cosmic Teapot]

this is so bitchy, how dare you, I hope you improve your hypothetic PoLR soon.


(jk in memory of few members.)

edit.
In all seriousness I think ESEs are responsible and nice ppl for team work. I was actually in plenty of school projects with an ESE friend (the only one responsible and caring enough as friend and partner team).

I don't feel bothered by them unless they want to talk to me about how evil is someone for 1000th time or request/push information (this doesnt happen with friend). I'm thankful for their existence and presence honestly. So don't get you in there completely.

That's all true expect my ESE never talks badly about anyone. Working with her hasn't been a problem . It's the periods where we are not working. She's getting too close to quickly.

Now she even takes the exact same route to uni as me to chat but I absolutely need those 15 minutes bus ride to be alone. Now it's like I can not hide from her. And especially after a long day I don't have the energy to listen to her. We haven't reached the point where both people can shut up and not feel awkward about it. I know her full life story and family tree by now.She keeps me up to date with her brother's problems and plans.
Telling her that I don't really care about people whom I'll never meet will make me look inconsiderate or something.

That probably sounds like bitching by now. I don't have anything against her. We are partners who work on the same project and I never wanted our relation to become this personal.

So do what they do (LxI), just express what you need, what you will do and what do you need them to do for you and why its important as soon as possible before you run out of patience.

Thank you I'll need to do that. I should know by know that passiveness won't bring me anywhere.
(But telling someone what I need without hurting them is difficult ... <- place silf-pity here ->)

[Sisyphean]

(1) how do LIIs (and LSI) handle the constant presence of Fe-leads? In particular ESEs. As introverts don't they get exhausted or irritated after some time?

Not really, no. It's my Dual-seeking function, so I tend to respond to it very positively and will seek out experiencing Fe when it's absent. I can and have done 10-11 hour skype conversations with an EIE and the only tiredness was from not sleeping. The only friction I see coming from an ESE is Se butting up against Si.

(2) how do I tell an ESE politely to leave me alone (and that bus rides are not for chatting)?

I have little first-hand experience with ESE. I think I would probably just listen politely and not engage very much beyond acknowledgements or simple responses. One of my parents is an SEI that's never caused an issue for us.

(3) How do I tell an EIE politely that I can't listen to her complaints and grievances all the time.

Only response I have for this is from LSI example. I don't really have an issue with hearing out an EIE's problems most of the time since I seem to default automatically to taking his/her side. The simplest response/resolution I can recall off-hand was just an easy "Yeah @#$% those guys." directed at the grievance. The response seems to generally be "Yeah! They suck!" or a weak Fe protest in their defense that still enjoys the simple directness.

[Cosmic Teapot]

Not really, no. It's my Dual-seeking function, so I tend to respond to it very positively and will seek out experiencing Fe when it's absent. I can and have done 10-11 hour skype conversations with an EIE and the only tiredness was from not sleeping. The only friction I see coming from an ESE is Se butting up against Si.



I have little first-hand experience with ESE. I think I would probably just listen politely and not engage very much beyond acknowledgements or simple responses. One of my parents is an SEI that's never caused an issue for us.



Only response I have for this is from LSI example. I don't really have an issue with hearing out an EIE's problems most of the time since I seem to default automatically to taking his/her side. The simplest response/resolution I can recall off-hand was just an easy "Yeah @#$% those guys." directed at the grievance. The response seems to generally be "Yeah! They suck!" or a weak Fe protest in their defense that still enjoys the simple directness.

Thank you @1INT Vault Dweller. I should try the last one. Actually sounds like fun.

[Memento Mori]

Not really, no. It's my Dual-seeking function, so I tend to respond to it very positively and will seek out experiencing Fe when it's absent. I can and have done 10-11 hour skype conversations with an EIE and the only tiredness was from not sleeping. The only friction I see coming from an ESE is Se butting up against Si.

That EIE was me. In reverse, to address my own Ti-Dual Seeking, I have also (obviously) had several 10+ hour skype calls with LSI (and calls nearly as long with LII) and, likewise, the only tiring I experienced was from not having slept that night lmao

(1) how do LIIs (and LSI) handle the constant presence of Fe-leads?

They don't "handle" it, they love it. In the absence of Duality (or at least Activity types) any given type can grow restless with the unsatisfying feedbacks or even substitute the absence by attempting to create that atmosphere themselves. I've read some interesting material on what LSI does in the absence of EIE. We can all attempt to simulate our implicitly desired atmosphere and feedbacks, superimposing our subconscious wants onto the environment. Shit like this is why Socionics is the most fascinating system of Typology

[golden]

Tell them you’re on the autism spectrum and you can’t process other people’s emotive expression very well because your brain doesn’t work that way and you have to go home and sleep twelve hours a night to recover under special blankets and are looking for medications to help with it but so far nothing has worked and you are trying so hard to figure out how to get quiet alone time, but don’t make it about them, and they will feel sorry for you and will want to help you and they’ll be a lot quieter and give you more space.

They will also tell everyone you have autism but small price to pay.

[Cosmic Teapot]

Tell them you’re on the autism spectrum and you can’t process other people’s emotive expression very well because your brain doesn’t work that way and you have to go home and sleep twelve hours a night to recover under special blankets and are looking for medications to help with it but so far nothing has worked and you are trying so hard to figure out how to get quiet alone time, but don’t make it about them, and they will feel sorry for you and will want to help you and they’ll be a lot quieter and give you more space.

They will also tell everyone you have autism but small price to pay.

Gold.

[Sisyphean]

Bonus points if you wear this

EDIT: I'm teasing in response to Golden

[golden]

Bonus points if you wear this

EDIT: I'm teasing in response to Golden

But actually even if I knew the person was roundabout telling me to back away slowly, I’d find this so fucking funny I would for sure go along with it. @Cosmic Teapot, I will buy you that hat if you will wear it.

Just put it on every time you see the Fe doms coming toward you and let them see you put it on.

[Cosmic Teapot]

But actually even if I knew the person was roundabout telling me to back away slowly, I’d find this so fucking funny I would for sure go along with it. @Cosmic Teapot, I will buy you that hat if you will wear it.

Just put it on every time you see the Fe doms coming toward you and let them see you put it on.

I'm pretty sure they'll start pampering me (:

[golden]

I'm pretty sure they'll start pampering me (:

Well the EIE won’t. Pamper schmamper.

But it is a risk with the ESE.

[golden]

But on a more serious note—tho my plan might actually work!—can you shift more of the ESE communication to texting, google sheets, slack, etc.? I think I communicate better with Delta STs textually because they can’t see my face.

I try to hold back Fe around people who can’t respond to it, but then I have a really hard time functioning at all, which wouldn’t conduce to working on a project with someone.

As for the EIE, they may not want to lean on you even tho they do. Usually LSI is good with directing ppl toward resources like systems and info that can help sort their shit. You can probably manage that. Or find them some Betas to complain to so you bear less burden.

[Sisyphean]

Or find them some Betas to complain to so you bear less burden.

I'll jump on this grenade, @Cosmic Teapot. Send me all your EIEs

edit: With pictures...

[Cosmic Teapot]

But on a more serious note—tho my plan might actually work!—can you shift more of the ESE communication to texting, google sheets, slack, etc.? I think I communicate better with Delta STs textually because they can’t see my face.

I try to hold back Fe around people who can’t respond to it, but then I have a really hard time functioning at all, which wouldn’t conduce to working on a project with someone.

As for the EIE, they may not want to lean on you even tho they do. Usually LSI is good with directing ppl toward resources like systems and info that can help sort their shit. You can probably manage that. Or find them some Betas to complain to so you bear less burden.

Texting is definitely a good idea! I didn't give her my number because of privacy but now that you say it that may have worked against me.
I'll see whether I can do the second part with EIE.
Thanks a lot.

[golden]

Texting is definitely a good idea! I didn't give her my number because of privacy but now that you say it that may have worked against me.
I'll see whether I can do the second part with EIE.
Thanks a lot.

Cool. On your bus ride, can you pretend to be reading something assigned to you, or pretend to be asleep? Or wear headphones and say it’s a guided meditation and this is your only chance to get it done, daily, on the bus? Something like that.

ETA the more I think about it, the more I like the book option. Ti leads usually need to read and their duals should be able to understand that easily.

Now I’m outta here because you’re asking for less Fe in your life.

[Cosmic Teapot]

Cool. On your bus ride, can you pretend to be reading something assigned to you, or pretend to be asleep? Or wear headphones and say it’s a guided meditation and this is your only chance to get it done, daily, on the bus? Something like that.

ETA the more I think about it, the more I like the book option. Ti leads usually need to read and their duals should be able to understand that easily.

Now I’m outta here because you’re asking for less Fe in your life.

The book option sounds kinda elegant. No talking. No explaining myself. Just silence... and yeah outta my thread.

On a serious note I need to think about my behavior towards ESEs and EIEs. So far this thread and its contributors gave me a lot to consider. Mainly that I'm not being communicative enough. Admitting that is hard. I'm expecting the ESE to read my mind and leave me alone. When I'm not telling her what's bothering me I might stay out of an argument but in reality I'm not even giving her a chance to pay attention to my problem areas.

[golden]

The book option sounds kinda elgand. No talking. No explaining myself. Just silence... and yeah outta my thread.

On a serious note I need to think about my behavior towards ESEs and EIEs. So far this thread and its contributors gave me a lot to consider. Mainly that I'm not being communicative enough. Admitting that is hard. I'm expecting the ESE to read my mind and leave me alone. When I'm not telling her what's bothering me I might stay out of an argument but in reality I'm not even giving her a chance to pay attention to my problem areas.

I said I’d go away but I’m Fe so I’m back.

Your post is so thoughtful. It would have meant a lot to me to have ever known that an SLI was questioning their lack of communicativeness toward me, so I found it touching.

I don’t believe you or the ESE is doing anything wrong, Cosmic. It is really hard to give someone feedback that could amount to “Dont behave in the way thst comes naturally to you.”

[Exodus]

I have multiple questions


(1) how do LIIs (and LSI) handle the constant presence of Fe-leads? In particular ESEs. As introverts don't they get exhausted or irritated after some time?

I'm asking because my project partner is ESE. At first we only saw each other once a week for a few hours and she held herself back because we didn't know each other well. Actually she still knows nothing about me but now that I tried to smile and nod politely when she's talking she feels like we're friends or something. She expects me to react of everything she says and it's wearing me out. Which leads me to...

(2) how do I tell an ESE politely to leave me alone (and that bus rides are not for chatting)?

We see each other more often now to finish the project. She constantly tries to show how clever she is (just ESE thing) and how much fun she is having. I don't care. I just don't want to piss her off. (partly because I don't want to be an asshole and partly because we still have to work together smootly for a few weeks)


(3) How do I tell an EIE politely that I can't listen to her complaints and grievances all the time.

I don't want to hurt her or invalidate her feelings but sometimes I feel like she's at war with the world and expects my support. I've already been at this point and it didn't go well. She'll see my lack of concern as an insult eventually. I don't want to put a strain on our relationship but at the moment I'm out of options and I don't want to adjust my behavior on my own expense to make her happy.
At least not all the time. I can accept that compromises are necessary.

1. Yes, we do get exhausted by too much interaction. More so when we are expected to take an active role or there are lots of people involved, but any kind of interaction nonetheless.

2. I like the "look busy" suggestion... (see below)

The book option sounds kinda elegant. No talking. No explaining myself. Just silence... and yeah outta my thread.

On a serious note I need to think about my behavior towards ESEs and EIEs. So far this thread and its contributors gave me a lot to consider. Mainly that I'm not being communicative enough. Admitting that is hard. I'm expecting the ESE to read my mind and leave me alone. When I'm not telling her what's bothering me I might stay out of an argument but in reality I'm not even giving her a chance to pay attention to my problem areas.

I think you've made a good insight here. Fe valuers expect and actually like for others to communicate what they are thinking and feeling. The catch however is that ESEs are often sensitive to negativity. So you just have to let her know that you need some time to yourself but that it's nothing personal towards her. It's just a matter of communicating your intentions / a sense of good will.

[Shining]

But on a more serious note—tho my plan might actually work!—can you shift more of the ESE communication to texting, google sheets, slack, etc.? I think I communicate better with Delta STs textually because they can’t see my face.

I try to hold back Fe around people who can’t respond to it, but then I have a really hard time functioning at all, which wouldn’t conduce to working on a project with someone.

As for the EIE, they may not want to lean on you even tho they do. Usually LSI is good with directing ppl toward resources like systems and info that can help sort their shit. You can probably manage that. Or find them some Betas to complain to so you bear less burden.

What do you mean by "hold back Fe", how do you define this Fe ?
And what kind of response do you expect from Fe suggestive types ?

[golden]

What do you mean by "hold back Fe", how do you define this Fe ?
And what kind of response do you expect from Fe suggestive types ?

The way I define this Fe is basically expression. Holding it back means it feels polite to try to be less expressive. It is a struggle, but I can make my face much blanker, or more studious, or businesslike, or whatever seems to be appropriate. I can say less, speak more slowly, leave spaces in my speech, be silent. I’ve tried quite a few things since learning about socionics. Not saying it works very well tho.

Fe suggestives mirror my expression. They apparently don’t produce it innately, which when I was younger I didn’t understand, I thought they were probably a lot like me because I was mostly seeing them when they were interacting with me. Their faces brighten, they smile more, joke around (VERY bad jokes!), loosen up, become more expansive. Stuff like that.

So the difference between Fe suggestive and Fe polr is that one is responding in a detailed way to me, and the other seems not to be responding much ... it can be like a blank in the case of SLI. Fe polrs sometimes have literally made the same comment to me more than once back to back in a conversation because what I responded with went unprocessed. Or what they said went unprocessed?

SLI: “The yellow and gray paint you chose for the kitchen work well together.”

Me: “Oh thanks! I just wanted to match the stainless steel, really, and then I needed a warm color.”

SLI: [Looks at me blankly.] “The yellow and gray work well together.”

Me: “... Um ok ... uh ... thanks.” [Awkward grin.]

PLEASE EXPLAIN THIS

[Shining]

The way I define this Fe is basically expression. Holding it back means it feels polite to try to be less expressive. It is a struggle, but I can make my face much blanker, or more studious, or businesslike, or whatever seems to be appropriate. I can say less, speak more slowly, leave spaces in my speech, be silent. I’ve tried quite a few things since keaning about socionics. Not saying it works very well tho.

Fe suggestives mirror my expression. They apparently don’t produce it innately, which when I was younger I didn’t understand, I thought they were probably a lot like me because I was mostly seeing them when they were interacting with me. Their faces brighten, they smile more, joke around (VERY bad jokes!), loosen up, become more expansive. Stuff like that.

So the difference between Fe suggestive and Fe polr is that one is responding in a detailed way to me, and the other seems not to be responding much ... it can be like a blank in the case of SLI. Fe polrs sometimes have literally made the same comment to me more than once back to back in a conversation because what I responded with went unprocessed. Or what they said went unprocessed?

SLI: “The yellow and gray paint you chose for the kitchen work well together.”

Me: “Oh thanks! I just wanted to match the stainless steel, really, and then I needed a warm color.”

SLI: [Looks at me blankly.] “The yellow and gray work well together.”

Me: “... Um ok ... uh ... thanks.” [Awkward grin.]

PLEASE EXPLAIN THIS

Thanks for your explanations, very helpful to me

Despite their emotional responsiveness, i guess LxI are mostly unaware of their emotional expression ?

Is there any conscious focus needed to mirror the emotions for LxI, or by sole suggestivity is it achieved ?
I would think it could be possible for LxI to try to mimic consciously the emotions, but most of the time it would look awkward, so trying to voluntarily express emotions would be Fe polr (but in this case they don't want to, it is just to fit in), there would be better awareness of emotional expectations from Fe polr (even if less inclined to act on it).

Is that make sense sometimes to think you want to reciprocate emotions but feel inadequate in doing so for LxI, so eventually attenuating the emotional expression ?
For me, i feel like i want but don't want at the same time, it's maybe linked to the felt incompetence regulating my own emotional expression and so the resulting possibility to feel ashamed for that ?
And some kind of ambivalence about emotions, like sometimes Fe can be really disturbing and annoying, when loud and chaotic it's just makes me run away, though i don't think it's often Fe lead who disturbs me this way, more about other extravert type i would guess.
Are LxI supposed to enjoy this kind of loud and chaotic emotional expression, in group or crowd ?

[lemontrees]

Is there any conscious focus needed to mirror the emotions for LxI, or by sole suggestivity is it achieved ?

I think they can't help it.

I used to date an LII; literally, I'd laugh and he'd laugh, I'd cry and he'd cry.

W/ Ti creatives I feel like I can't pull them around as easily, they can sort of...shut themselves off?

Sample size too small?

[Sisyphean]

Despite their emotional responsiveness, i guess LxI are mostly unaware of their emotional expression ?

Speaking only for myself, I'm not unaware, just not controlled. The emotions just happen or they just don't.

Is there any conscious focus needed to mirror the emotions for LxI, or by sole suggestivity is it achieved ?

A conscious focus is not needed for me. All I need is a sense of sincerity in those emotions from the other person. That's why I'm such a big fan of Ego Fe's. If the emotions seem forced, affected, or otherwise disingenuous I don't mirror anything except the minimum for politeness and I tend to grow suspicious of the other person.

[golden]

Despite their emotional responsiveness, i guess LxI are mostly unaware of their emotional expression ?

I am not one so I can’t be sure, but I feel they don’t have a lot of control over it.

Is there any conscious focus needed to mirror the emotions for LxI, or by sole suggestivity is it achieved ?
I would think it could be possible for LxI to try to mimic consciously the emotions, but most of the time it would look awkward, so trying to voluntarily express emotions would be Fe polr (but in this case they don't want to, it is just to fit in), there would be better awareness of emotional expectations from Fe polr

As @lemontrees said, the mirroring is not conscious.

LXI can do a good job with being consistently polite in various social situations, and a couple of the ones I know who are parents have a kind of parent role they step into and it’s pretty expressive. I think this is about half conscious.

Is that make sense sometimes to think you want to reciprocate emotions but feel inadequate in doing so for LxI, so eventually attenuating the emotional expression ?

Again maybe more a question for LXIs to answer. I think this may be more LII-ish, the Se polr seems to create less certainty in self-assertion and that may be a factor, just guessing here. My husband is LSI and he says he feels uncertain about the people side of things but it’s not so obvious to me from his behavior.

For me, i feel like i want but don't want at the same time, it's maybe linked to the felt incompetence regulating my own emotional expression and so the resulting possibility to feel ashamed for that ?
And some kind of ambivalence about emotions, like sometimes Fe can be really disturbing and annoying, when loud and chaotic it's just makes me run away, though i don't think it's often Fe lead who disturbs me this way, more about other extravert type i would guess.
Are LxI supposed to enjoy this kind of loud and chaotic emotional expression, in group or crowd ?

I don’t enjoy merely loud and chaotic environments, I like emotionally rich and purposefully stimulating ones. I like it to have some organization. I think Fe maybe is not soooo chaotic? It’s still a rational IE.

I think they can't help it.

I used to date an LII; literally, I'd laugh and he'd laugh, I'd cry and he'd cry.

W/ Ti creatives I feel like I can't pull them around as easily, they can sort of...shut themselves off?

Sample size too small?

Ti creative is still receptive to my Fe but they push back with their own extroverted dominant IE.

[Beautiful sky]

But on a more serious note—tho my plan might actually work!—can you shift more of the ESE communication to texting, google sheets, slack, etc.? I think I communicate better with Delta STs textually because they can’t see my face.

I try to hold back Fe around people who can’t respond to it, but then I have a really hard time functioning at all, which wouldn’t conduce to working on a project with someone.

As for the EIE, they may not want to lean on you even tho they do. Usually LSI is good with directing ppl toward resources like systems and info that can help sort their shit. You can probably manage that. Or find them some Betas to complain to so you bear less burden.

Also EIE read other's Fe expressions well too

[falsehope]

Just tell them that it is enough speaking about given subject, grab your head, take a deep breath, and add "because I am getting fuck*** crazy, and you dont want me to get crazy" ;-) Maybe just without that crazy part. But my guess is ESE will of course forgive you as you wont be the first person to tell her to shut up. If she's talking a lot, she's likely taking nonsense, so attack her confidence and point this out to her.

Well another approach would be attacking it head-on, so simply just show your disagreement, make disgusting expression, move head side to side, pretend that you listening and then say simply "NO", also ridicule them, laugh at them, make them uncomfortable. So they will seek someone else.

Another tactic is to focus solely on the job at hand. So keep changing subject all the time so she can see that you want to speak only about job. And try to be constructive and professional.

[Cosmic Teapot]

Just tell them that it is enough speaking about given subject, grab your head, take a deep breath, and add "because I am getting fuck*** crazy, and you dont want me to get crazy" ;-) Maybe just without that crazy part. But my guess is ESE will of course forgive you as you wont be the first person to tell her to shut up. If she's talking a lot, she's likely taking nonsense, so attack her confidence and point this out to her.

Well another approach would be attacking it head-on, so simply just show your disagreement, make disgusting expression, move head side to side, pretend that you listening and then say simply "NO", also ridicule them, laugh at them, make them uncomfortable. So they will seek someone else.

Another tactic is to focus solely on the job at hand. So keep changing subject all the time so she can see that you want to speak only about job. And try to be constructive and professional.

lol that's not me at all. Maybe it works for someone else, thanks

[Sol]

(1) how do LIIs (and LSI) handle the constant presence of Fe-leads? In particular ESEs. As introverts don't they get exhausted or irritated after some time?

the activity of superid stimulates, but not exhausts
they may annoy by Fe in case they express negative feelings

[WinnieW]

(1) how do LIIs (and LSI) handle the constant presence of Fe-leads? In particular ESEs. As introverts don't they get exhausted or irritated after some time?

That's usually no serious issue for me. ESE are -suggestive and -PoLR – I know how to handle them. ...most of them.
Exhausted? No. Irritated? Sometimes.

the activity of superid stimulates, but not exhausts
they may annoy by Fe in case they express negative feelings

Yes, I agree with your statement.

[The Reality Denialist]

Lol and I was experiencing lots of torment when I reveived plenty of Fi feeling validation [and mimimal debate]. I'm still shaking.

[Myst]

I have multiple questions

(1) how do LIIs (and LSI) handle the constant presence of Fe-leads? In particular ESEs. As introverts don't they get exhausted or irritated after some time?

If I have to be too active in expressing then sure that would be tiring and since I do get to (unconsciously) mirror some Fe egos a lot - when I'm connected enough with them, so to speak - it can be a bit tiring after a while, yes but it's not too bad. I don't get irritated though. And I do get something out of it, it's overall a good experience so I don't mind. I do also get to rest enough when they are expressing themselves for long enough so then I'm just listening for those parts.

I'm asking because my project partner is ESE. At first we only saw each other once a week for a few hours and she held herself back because we didn't know each other well. Actually she still knows nothing about me but now that I tried to smile and nod politely when she's talking she feels like we're friends or something. She expects me to react of everything she says and it's wearing me out. Which leads me to...

(2) how do I tell an ESE politely to leave me alone (and that bus rides are not for chatting)?

I just tell people that I have to go do something now. I actually do that with a Fe ego regularly (not sure if he's EIE or IEI-Fe but a lot of Fe there for sure), it's not an issue. I do it with him because I'm not that close or truly interested in him (and hence his stuff) beyond a point. I do enjoy listening to him too for a while - and this in a big part is due to the Fe way of expressing stuff - but beyond that point, no.

(3) How do I tell an EIE politely that I can't listen to her complaints and grievances all the time.

I usually don't mind this but once I did actually ask an EIE to just stop talking about her problems for a while (because I was in a problematic situation, long story). She didn't hate me for it or anything but she was a good friend of mine so maybe that helped.

Normally though, it just puts me in problem-solving mode, so I just listen and make sense of what's being said then see if I can contribute to help with something, help sort the thoughts out at least where it seems needed. Plus that unconscious mirroring (it seems to feel validating to some Fe egos at least, I got positive comments on it before).

That problem-solving mode isn't tiring btw, at all, it's quite normal and natural for me and even good. That is, I have something to work with (the problem) while I also get emotional involvement with the Fe ego (some negativity as long as it's not directed at me and isn't just stupid self-pity is fine).

I don't want to hurt her or invalidate her feelings but sometimes I feel like she's at war with the world and expects my support. I've already been at this point and it didn't go well. She'll see my lack of concern as an insult eventually.

What did you try to do?

That probably sounds like bitching by now. I don't have anything against her. We are partners who work on the same project and I never wanted our relation to become this personal.

(...)(But telling someone what I need without hurting them is difficult ...)

Yeah the thing is, looks like it's a pattern with how I just directly tell them what I need, maybe that's the Se, I don't know, but I definitely never had that problem of getting too close / personal with someone too fast. I just know how to keep my distance by doing these polite excuses I mentioned above and in general not getting myself involved where I think it would not be appropriate for the relationship distance.

[Simo]

I have multiple questions

I charge a thousand dollar per question

(1) how do LIIs (and LSI) handle the constant presence of Fe-leads? In particular ESEs. As introverts don't they get exhausted or irritated after some time?

I'm asking because my project partner is ESE. At first we only saw each other once a week for a few hours and she held herself back because we didn't know each other well. Actually she still knows nothing about me but now that I tried to smile and nod politely when she's talking she feels like we're friends or something. She expects me to react of everything she says and it's wearing me out. Which leads me to...

well I leave this to Ti-leads

(2) how do I tell an ESE politely to leave me alone (and that bus rides are not for chatting)?

We see each other more often now to finish the project. She constantly tries to show how clever she is (just ESE thing) and how much fun she is having. I don't care. I just don't want to piss her off. (partly because I don't want to be an asshole and partly because we still have to work together smootly for a few weeks)

I have a friend who can't stop chatting and he told me that when he is alone all sort of negative thoughts start popping up, so I believe those people just want someone to talk to so if you can find a third person to rides the bus with you and have him/her entertain your ESE friend while you disappear in the shadows.

I find this solution very effective and save you from the awkward "leave me alone" conversation.

(3) How do I tell an EIE politely that I can't listen to her complaints and grievances all the time.

I don't want to hurt her or invalidate her feelings but sometimes I feel like she's at war with the world and expects my support. I've already been at this point and it didn't go well. She'll see my lack of concern as an insult eventually. I don't want to put a strain on our relationship but at the moment I'm out of options and I don't want to adjust my behavior on my own expense to make her happy.
At least not all the time. I can accept that compromises are necessary.

give her advice/solution, it may look simple but most people who complain just want sympathy and validation (few want real advice or solution).
so when you give her an advice or a solution you basically make her problems seem normal & can be easily solved which they don't like, do it enough times & they won't want to complain to an inconsiderate person like you (warning: they will try to make it sounds as if they are victims & all this happened because of this & that, so remind them of Stephen Covey's circle of influence which says you should focus only on the things that you have control over).

in case they really want an advice/solution then they will apply it & you won't have to listen to her until the next problem comes

hope this helps

[ouronis]

Every reaction does not require an equal and opposite reaction. So if you feel overwhelmed by the feeling you have to react with equal intensity, just remember you (hopefully) have a personality, too, and your reactions are just as valid as hers.

[Memento Mori]

What did you read about LSI, what do they do without EIE, can you say more on it, or link to the source?

Sure can, Mystical.

So the stuff dealing mostly with LSI's Fe can be found here, under their Fe description, and here's a holy shit massive, interesting article on LSI/EIE duality.

[Eos]

Yeah Fe people are ALWAaays FEEeeeeEEE and they CANT really TUUURN IT OFF its just BLAM BLAM BLAM in your FACE EXPRESSION TO BE or not ...to..be....

[velveteen]

(2) how do I tell an ESE politely to leave me alone (and that bus rides are not for chatting)?

We see each other more often now to finish the project. She constantly tries to show how clever she is (just ESE thing) and how much fun she is having. I don't care. I just don't want to piss her off. (partly because I don't want to be an asshole and partly because we still have to work together smootly for a few weeks)

Be honest with her, explain your introversion and that you feel over stimulated by constant chatter. She won't understand at all but it's the only way. She may get offended, but just reassure her it's about you and your needs. With the ESE it often seems like you're fucked if you do and you're fucked if you don't, but being honest tends to run more smoothly in the long run.

(3) How do I tell an EIE politely that I can't listen to her complaints and grievances all the time.

I don't want to hurt her or invalidate her feelings but sometimes I feel like she's at war with the world and expects my support. I've already been at this point and it didn't go well. She'll see my lack of concern as an insult eventually. I don't want to put a strain on our relationship but at the moment I'm out of options and I don't want to adjust my behavior on my own expense to make her happy.
At least not all the time. I can accept that compromises are necessary.[/QUOTE]

She's probably just not aware how she is making you feel. Express to her how her complaints are making you feel and reassure her she's not the problem. That you care about her as a person (I am assuming you do?), but you are unable to cater to her needs the way she needs.

[Rebelondeck]

Unlike Ips, Ijs have detached processing styles meaning that input doesn't have impact on or effect rationalization. Therefore, the apparent invasiveness of Ej-processing styles is automatically kept at a distance and doesn't become burdensome. Now, Ijs can become really annoyed with Ejs but not because of input or processing overloads.

a.k.a. I/O