V.V. Gulenko "Criteria of reciprocity"
Comfortable discussion
Initiating communication partners are drawn to debate, in which they feel comfortable. The more active partner relays his opinions, while the less active one offers commentary and imparts his corrections. Partners usually appeal to one another with style of behavior. Each other's peculiar thinking style feels like a pleasant surprise. However, in presence of a third party extinguishment effect occurs – your partner impedes your attempts to develop a mutually interesting idea, arguing against it.
Binary signs of intertype relations
For relations of extinguishment, it is not recommended to have discussions in presence of a large audience. In a small circle, there is mutual correction and enrichment with new factual information, but if relations become more extraverted then th unpleasant process of extinguishment will begin – this manifests as arguing against each other's propositions without substantiation.
In extinguishment relations partners can predict each other's behavior quite well. This becomes uninteresting, especially if their behavior is rationalized. This pair needs to engage in periodic relaxed philosophizing and critical analysis of events around them. The pair is very flexible and adapts to the stresses of changing environment.
In extinguishment pair, the flaws of the other partner are easily visible. Accusations of not thinking things through, skepticism, and criticism are all too common. These relations should not be approached emotionally – deep emotional grievances will tear them apart. While meticulously counting the flaws of the partner you forget about vulnerability of your position – your own flaws which he also easily sees.
In relations of extinguishment you are interested in the methods of your partner, his concepts, the general principles of how he operates, rather than his actual achievements and current status. There is persistent hope to use his methods to "arm" yourself, but it does not have sufficient grounds. Extinguishment partners quite successfully predict the behavior of each other.
In extinguishment relations, emotional dynamics do not take the first place but rather the sudden changes in behavior of your partner. In these relations partners can predict the success or failure of another, so any deviations deserve attention. These relations have a "cushioning" effect i.e. soften potential damage but also play down success. Partners as if vibrate in opposite phases.
In these relations, any aspirations that seem too extremist or made unduly important are cut off. This critical fitting of opinions and intentions culminates in rather tolerant attitude towards behavior of one another. Here one can observe the process of coming to middle ground which suits both partners, even if it is far from their original ideal.
Advice for getting along
Comfort in these relations can be achieved by communicating in a narrow circle of friends or associates. Extinguishment effect gets triggered in presence of other people – partners begin to challenge the views of another without providing solid arguments to back up their points of view. Learn to knowingly accept criticisms of each other and to derive benefit from them – your ideas and incentive in the light of criticism of extinguishment partner will become more realistic.
Get your contrary partner involved when you need to critically evaluate something or make a forecast of a project. Do not expect your partner to participate in the implementation of your plans. Collaborative technical work will proceed very slowly and follow a strict route.
If relations are upset, do not try to resolve them on an emotional level. Separate and spend some time alone, then resume relations as if nothing had happened. Be interested in new information that will give you both food for thought and discussion.
Periodically discharge accumulated irritation through jokes and humor. From time to time, arrange a delicious meal with your favorite food and drinks. Treat each other with pleasantries and remedies. Combine your ideas for practical use - not for finding the ultimate truth. Find answers to your questions in past experiences.