Am I ESI or SEI? (or something else)
Please don't scream at me because I typed a list of personality traits, behaviors and thought processes instead of filling out a questionnaire. I have attempted doing questionnaires on this website many times in the past, but for whatever reason barely any people have actually even responded to them. I have autism for your information.
- Routine is very important to me. I have strict times for eating meals and snacks and going for walks. I get irritable if these routines are interrupted.
- I have difficulty understanding and using sarcasm. I don't find jokes funny either. However, I find non-jokes funny. I find certain songs, words, countries, foods, people, time periods, etc funny, and my brother has a similar sense of humor. I like to combine certain funny things into extremely funny imaginary scenarios and exchange them with my brother (he sometimes does the same with me). I also come up with funny theories about real people or fictional people I invented myself and pretend they are true even know I know that they aren't, e.g. pretending to believe that when my mother drops off my father in the city there are three clones of him on the back seat of the car while my 8-year-old stepbrother sits in the front seat.
- I think in terms of mental imagery accumulated from what I have seen with my eyes in the past and it is constantly getting refined and re-updated. For example, certain aesthetics that already exist and are objectively known by everyone (e.g. emo or stoner) evoke many different and sometimes even contradictory schemata or archetypes in my mind's eye. I struggle to understand the text that I am reading (e.g. in a book or on a website) because I am too busy ruminating on the different vague imaginary people I am thinking of. I am intrigued to know the name for this psychological phenomenon, if everyone experiences it, if it is an autism trait, and what typology (be it socionics, psychosophy, enneagram whatever) it is associated with.
- I am prone to trauma-dumping, especially on the net. I use self-deprecating humor in MBTI or enneagram roasts (for example by attributing the personality traits I am ashamed to have to personality types that I don't want to be). I urgently crave external validation from strangers on the net. I love receiving upvotes and comments.
- I am averse to physical exertion. Working out and using my exercise bike feel like chores to me, and I go for walks to get my steps in as well as for fresh air and an opportunity to smoke a cigarette. The actual act of walking feels tedious.
- I have an eye for aesthetics. I like to express myself through fashion and consider it highly important that I get to choose the furniture for my house. It can't be garden variety mediocre 2020s modern furniture from Argos. It has to be antiques from charity shops. I feel as though I was born in the wrong decade, and I am in love with the 1980s and 1990s and have a love-hate relationship with the 2000s (I cherry-pick the 2000s and tend to prefer the early 2000s over the late 2000s. Some parts of the 2000s are really good and aesthetically appealing, others are just so ugly and weird). I don't care much about personal hygiene, but wearing aesthetically pleasing clothing and having good hair is always extremely important to me and if I wear ugly clothes and if my hair is ugly then I feel shitty about myself (my INFP 4w5 IEI brother is a lot like this, even though he cares about hygiene much more than I do. For example, after showering he complains of that weird ugly curvy shape his hair gets into when wet and feels overly self-conscious about it and he describes it as "slug hair". Both of us find that funny).
- I can't stand small talk. Whenever someone asks me how I am I respond with "Leave me alone" "Fuck off" "Please don't talk to me". I think there's no point in responding to the question "How is your day going?" because every day feels the same.
- I have a history of being bullied by strangers on the street. They laugh at me, scream at me in an attempt to intimidate me and yell things like "I'm coming after you!" for similar purposes, and sometimes I even get chased home so I have to run. I feel very uncomfortable and dysphoric and self-conscious whenever this kind of thing happens.
- Comfort and homeostasis (is that how you spell it?) are very important to me. I like a calm, quiet, peaceful and stable environment. I like to be using my laptop or reading a book or playing video games, undisturbed, room temperature not too cold nor not too warm, aesthetically pleasing furniture, not too much clutter (however I am extremely messy and disorganized). I absolutely hate being intruded upon. I hate it when people interrupt me by knocking on the door.
- I'm very selective with who I interact with. I would describe it as being "picky with people". There are some people who I really really love (such as my brother or my psychologist) and there are some people who I really really hate (such as the people who bully me on the street). I hold grudges easily and have difficulty letting go of them.
- I am emotionally expressive and easily reveal my emotions without restraint. When I am happy I smile and when I find something funny I laugh. When I am in distressed I cry. When I am irate I yell and swear and sometimes get so pissed off I write on walls and destroy property. I certainly don't understand how and why anyone could hide emotion.
- I'm overly sensitive to criticism and overly concerned with how others perceive me. I have low self-esteem, therefore compliments feel like white lies and every time someone insults me it feels as though they're telling the truth instead of just saying it to get a reaction. I would like to be perceived as tall, thin, intelligent, masculine and with a deep-pitched voice so I don't want people to think that I'm short, fat, stupid, feminine and with a high-pitched voice.
- I am so concerned with my own inner peace that I flinch whenever I detect something that could potentially harm it or interfere with it, such as a dog barking, footsteps, door slamming, sudden loud noises, or the presence of someone who I despise. My eyes widen out of fear quite often throughout the day.
- I spend a lot of time on the net. I could spend ages researching personality typology. It's my special interest. I am constantly trying to figure out who I am, and I have mistyped myself so many times. To this day I still don't know who I am and I wish I could find a definitive answer. In addition, I change and redefine my aesthetic constantly. When I was younger I went through many different phases - age 11 had the emo phase [really cringe. At that time I was so stupid I listened to chart pop unironically and also Bring Me The Horizon, Twenty One Pilots and Fall Out Boy. I remember wearing grey beanies and trying my hardest to get emo bangs], age 12 had the Swedish phase [dyed blond hair, Ikea, lingonberry juice, wanting to own a european kind of bicycle], age 13 had the dark academia phase [black coffee, literature, classical music, black clothing] age 14 had the weirdcore phase [Hello Kitty/sanrio, 2014 tumblr grunge girl aesthetic, using Tumblr unironically], age 15 had the camouflage phase [school shooters, nihilism, robotripping, this was also the age I began smoking cigarettes], age 16 had the plants phase [pharmacology, lo-fi music, the color yellow] , and age 17 had the stoner skater phase [smoking green, sweatpants, carrying a skateboard only to look cool, at one point I legit wanted to own a pair of crocs and at age 18 I just cringe at that I would never dream of wearing crocs]. The older I get the longer my phases last and the more subtle my transitions from one phase to another. Currently I would describe my aesthetic as 90s eastern european chav doomer, it's so vague. I love the late 1980s but I also love the early 2000s, I can't decide which time period was superior. There are so many imaginary people in my mind's eye that I really like the look of and I really want to be like and I can't decide which one to be like. Therefore I have ongoing identity issues and great difficulty in deciding on one aesthetic.
- I dislike authority. I don't like being controlled or infantilized. Even though I am 18 years of age my parents still monitor what I eat and force me to fill in sheets about what I eat and I can't stand having to do that. Today I went charity shop shopping and my mother told me "If we notice any changes in your mood or behavior then we'll take the books about the supernatural and the occult off you", which doesn't make any sense. I hate illogical rules that my parents insist on, such as locking all doors downstairs after 9.30pm or putting all of the food in the kitchen in food storage bags and writing dates on them.
- I like to have one-to-one conversations with people who I have close relationships with and I hate being interrupted.
- I have synaesthesia. I associate certain numbers with certain colors and certain words with certain taste.
- I am easily bored and I have a short attention span. I always have to be doing something, and my hobbies including using the net, playing video games, listening to music, and reading books. I can't be unengaged from any activity. I can't focus on films, so I just watch cartoons.
- I eat the same foods every day. I hate condiments, especially ketchup and mayonnaise. Breakfast is cereal, lunch is packed lunch (white bread cheese sandwich, cottage cheese on its own, rice cakes on their own, either dark chocolate or brioche), dinner is instant noodles or pot noodle and a dessert neurotypicals may consider "bland", and snacks include rice cakes, brioche, dark chocolate, chickpea puffs, pink panther wafers, jaffa cakes, party rings, and onion rings.
- I'm a vegetarian, not just because I truly believe that meat is murder, but also because I fear that doing certain actions while alive will have consequences in the afterlife if there is one (I get dreams telling me that if I eat meat, or do other sins such as smoking pot or even playing too many video games) and I don't know if I should trust these premonitions or not.
- I rarely read books because I lack the willpower and attention span but whenever I do read books I enjoy reading books about the afterlife, dreams, supernatural, the unconscious, etc.
- Whenever listening to music I think about myself (in a good confident self-assured way) and all the possible ways other people could perceive me by thinking about the different imaginary people I have in my imagination.
- I'm more grounded in reality than some people I know. I get frustrated when my ILE sister plays her annoying rap music very loud and believes that it's not loud, and it really really bothers me how she believes that I'm "short and fat" when I'm 5'7" and 117 lbs. I don't understand people who are late for school or work because they were simply daydreaming - I find academic achievement important and I always attend college on time.
- Everyone on the net types my aesthetic as ISTP sp9 SLI FLEV. My aesthetic is characterized by military green, camouflage, Adidas, red bull, cigarettes, nintendo entertainment system, Reddit, learning Russian on Duolingo, Sonic Youth, Pavement, Unwound, drum and bass, UK garage, fjallraven kankens, burberry nova check, and cargo shorts. My brother is very skeptical of me whenever I tell him I think I'm an ISFP 4w3, he typed me as an INFJ 5w4 594 just because I'm not "sluglike" or "simlike" enough to be a sensor, I'm far too obsessed with personality types to be a sensor, I don't eat weird food combinations that sensors would enjoy eating (such as celery with ketchup), I'm asexual, I sometimes fail to notice physical objects that are right in front of me unless someone notifies me about 'em, I have a vivid imagination and am more creative than most people, and I complain of physical sensory shit that sensors don't complain of (e.g. I hate crowded kitchens and prefer to have the kitchen to myself, whereas sensors don't give a fuck if they have to share a kitchen with others. I am disgusted by the idea of wearing a wetsuit, but sensors can wear wetsuits and not feel uncomfortable or awkward in the slightest. I believe that being in a hot tub with loads of people all squashed together wearing barely anything is an Se-dom's idea of heaven but an Ni-dom's idea of hell). My brother rarely types people or things using actual arguments, he just vibe-types. He says he can't tell the difference between MBTI Fi and Fe or Si and Se for example, and only gives a shit about MBTI and Enneagram, he can't be bothered to research Socionics, big five, etc. If I try informing him about the other typologies he just feels as though I'm spoon-feeding him and shoving it down his throat.
- I don't get on well with sp7 xLE chavs at college (the kind of people who wear Nike and drink lucozade and listen to grime music unironically). They joke too much and it bothers me. They look down on me and infantilize me and I can't stand it.
- All my life I've been socially awkward and I find it hard to make friends.
- I feel uncomfortable being in the same room as my mother, my father and my stepbrother all at once. It drives me mad even more whenever my stepbrother complains of being hungry (I hate the word "hungry", it's so ugly, I would rather use vocabulary such as "starving" or "ravenous") and starts screaming, crying and whinging in distress because no-one is getting any comestibles for him. I can feel his pain and I can't concentrate or function properly whenever he is like that. The same sort of thing occurs whenever my parents are arguing. I hate it.
- Unlike a stereotypical Fi dom 4, my aesthetic is certainly not emo or goth or scene or alternative, and I'm not an artist so to speak (even though I am a creative writer, and in most instances my writing is not influenced by emotion). My brother is certain that he is INFP 4w5 IEI and he opted for an art course at college, while I chose mechanics. I was about to choose science (I used to want to become a pharmacologist because I thought if I had a PhD in pharmacology I could cook my own drugs at home when that is so stupid I would prolly get caught. Now that I am older I know that one should smoke a joint, eat nutmeg, huff nitrous, or drink kratom tea instead of taking a random "MDMA" pill purchased from a stranger). I still have curiosity about the effects of drugs, but I'm no longer obsessed with drugs, and I'm a lot more conscious of the health risks (e.g. I know that I'm not allowed Robitussin because I'm on antipsychotics). My psychologist was shocked when he found out I chose mechanics, he thought I would choose psychology, philosophy or sociology instead. Unfortunately, my GCSE's weren't high enough for A-levels and I feel stupid. I got 4's and 5's in all subjects. People at my college tell me that that's above average and that most people get 3's and I can't tell if they're telling white lies or not.
- I think of myself as unintelligent, not just because people would comment nasty hurtful shite on posts on my old Reddit account (e.g. "This was posted by a child" "OP is an 8-year-old") but also because at college I fail to see obvious ways to do things more efficiently, so to speak. Yet a lot of people (especially adults) believe that I am highly intelligent and articulate. I also get accused of being an overthinker quite a lot.
- Most of the time I completely lack emotion and I feel flat and neutral, however with some hints of either anxiety or happiness. I rarely get depressed or sad, and I rarely get angry either. However, I sometimes have strong outbursts of emotion which are basically childish temper tantrums. Sometimes I can't control my emotions whatsoever. I am either emotionally flat or emotionally expressive, there is rarely any grey area.
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Originally Posted by Apoxian404Redbull
