Synthesizing descriptions of duality.

[Clippedwingsheal]

SLI - he's so nice in snap chat. Won't give me much actual time. Just starting to get to know (pft yeah right. He doesn't give away anything. And I beyond nervous to ask) eachother. I confronted him very early and he said it wouldn't work. I agreed. We stopped talking for 2 weeks. He started back up like nothing happened. And I was just...good with it. Like we didn't even have to talk about what caused it all. Then I tried to leave 3 ish more times. He told me the last time would be the last time. Then he started communication up again.
I am like terrified of him and at the same time - know there is to much else going on under the 8inches of checker plate steel he has protecting his whole interior.

The part that scares me - I had been in a ltr for 10 years with, who I now just realized is my "conflictor". Like he would say the things that should reach my soul - but they never really did. He would roll his eyes at my zest and love for life. I would irritate him if I wore his coat etc. The looks were what hurt me the most. Not so much the words. So we just kind started to avoid each other. My fault too. I would know exactly what button to push and I would push it - every. damn. time.
So I am pretty in tuned to how it doesn't work. Fail

[Kernel]

SLI - he's so nice in snap chat. Won't give me much actual time. Just starting to get to know (pft yeah right. He doesn't give away anything. And I beyond nervous to ask) eachother. I confronted him very early and he said it wouldn't work. I agreed. We stopped talking for 2 weeks. He started back up like nothing happened. And I was just...good with it. Like we didn't even have to talk about what caused it all. Then I tried to leave 3 ish more times. He told me the last time would be the last time. Then he started communication up again.
I am like terrified of him and at the same time - know there is to much else going on under the 8inches of checker plate steel he has protecting his whole interior.

Similar thing happened to me. That's typical for (young?) SLIs... It's so frustrating. They can be so self-centered that they forget and don't even think that they're causing confusion/hurt to their partner. And the problem is that they start doing this after you start liking them! They don't understand their own feelings, they can be very clueless to many things concerning people and relationships. When you get to know them, you'll realize that they're quite self-absorbed and what they care about the most is their comfort. Disturb that and they'll try to eliminate you from their lives. This is the dark side of SLIs. They need a shake up from to time so they don't get bored. What frustrates me the most is that they don't understand their own nature and are clueless about all this... which makes me want to help them and not leave when I'm supposed to do so...

[at sirac son of sirac]

Similar thing happened to me. That's typical for (young?) SLIs... It's so frustrating. They can be so self-centered that they forget and don't even think that they're causing confusion/hurt to their partner. And the problem is that they start doing this after you start liking them! They don't understand their own feelings, they can be very clueless to many things concerning people and relationships. When you get to know them, you'll realize that they're quite self-absorbed and what they care about the most is their comfort. Disturb that and they'll try to eliminate you from their lives. This is the dark side of SLIs. They need a shake up from to time so they don't get bored. What frustrates me the most is that they don't understand their own nature and are clueless about all this... which makes me want to help them and not leave when I'm supposed to do so...

You've really got this down.

Some things happened in my life which made me think I had to confront my own lack of understanding of myself, or apparent lack of understanding of others, in terms of the relationship sphere (not just romantic relations, we have relations with everyone). I think I remember mentioning to you before about the IEE I dated for a few years who lived in another city, I remember one time we were talking and she said something like, 'I understand you' which was a relief and I joked to say, 'at least one of us does', but I was being serious even although I was joking.

After this relationship I dated someone for a short while and one time she said to me, 'you go to work, you talk to people, you laugh with people, you do things, but no one really knows you. How do you feel?' I had absolutely no idea how to answer that question when put in the spot, except to say, 'If I go to work, pay my bills, look out for people, does it matter how I feel?'

It seems like when in a relationship with IEE, the problems for SLI in that area begin to get solved, but, to even begin to get them solved, takes a lot of work in getting there. I don't envy you guys , sorry for being us.

[Kernel]

It seems like when in a relationship with IEE, the problems for SLI in that area begin to get solved, but, to even begin to get them solved, takes a lot of work in getting there. I don't envy you guys , sorry for being us.

IEE probably make SLIs more aware of it but like you said it's pretty hard because it's your nature! Acceptance and understanding are probably the solution? SLI I was close to, often talked in a way that I find it hard to understand when he's being serious or no, so I was always just guessing, but like that I could understand more things about him. Because if I ask him directly he will just put those walls again. I noticed also sometimes when I tell him and try to explain to him the reason of the conflict, he believes me! Even though the reason might not be accurate. That's how I realized that he really is clueless about things like that.

[at sirac son of sirac]

Hey @Daisy I may have some ideas for this (or not ha) I'll try to remember to come back later, just wanted to say as have some stuff on just now

[Clippedwingsheal]

Similar thing happened to me. That's typical for (young?) SLIs... It's so frustrating. They can be so self-centered that they forget and don't even think that they're causing confusion/hurt to their partner. And the problem is that they start doing this after you start liking them! They don't understand their own feelings, they can be very clueless to many things concerning people and relationships. When you get to know them, you'll realize that they're quite self-absorbed and what they care about the most is their comfort. Disturb that and they'll try to eliminate you from their lives. This is the dark side of SLIs. They need a shake up from to time so they don't get bored. What frustrates me the most is that they don't understand their own nature and are clueless about all this... which makes me want to help them and not leave when I'm supposed to do so...

It took me a while to realize I had replies lol Worst. Millennial. Ever. lol
So I think he plays a very good "What do you mean?" game. We aren't talking right now.
We cleared up a few things and I then I called him on his "punishment" to me. I told him I would pay time for any crime but he was being unfair about it because in my eyes - and I think any non-SLI eyes - they would agree.
He is a enneagram 8 - I have no doubt about that. So he is testing me. Seeing if I have what it takes to be loyal and endure his darkness. I am an enneagram 7. Which fleeting when times get tough is my thing. Seemingly this should fail hard. However, I have been soul searching and I have found my purpose - he is exactly who I want him to be my partner in crime - to get there. However, if it wasn't for socionics - I would think this guy is a sociopath. Seeing and reading what I have about SLIs - I understand why this duality paring is so difficult - but I also see the abundant amount of beauty in it. Every ounce of effort - has been completely 100% worth it.
I feel like I am always helping people and trying to help them be the best they can be. Through all of this - it was actually him - who left me better than he found me. Even if he walks away forever - I will be incredibly grateful for him.

[Adam Strange]

It took me a while to realize I had replies lol Worst. Millennial. Ever. lol
So I think he plays a very good "What do you mean?" game. We aren't talking right now.
We cleared up a few things and I then I called him on his "punishment" to me. I told him I would pay time for any crime but he was being unfair about it because in my eyes - and I think any non-SLI eyes - they would agree.
He is a enneagram 8 - I have no doubt about that. So he is testing me. Seeing if I have what it takes to be loyal and endure his darkness. I am an enneagram 7. Which fleeting when times get tough is my thing. Seemingly this should fail hard. However, I have been soul searching and I have found my purpose - he is exactly who I want him to be my partner in crime - to get there. However, if it wasn't for socionics - I would think this guy is a sociopath. Seeing and reading what I have about SLIs - I understand why this duality paring is so difficult - but I also see the abundant amount of beauty in it. Every ounce of effort - has been completely 100% worth it.
I feel like I am always helping people and trying to help them be the best they can be. Through all of this - it was actually him - who left me better than he found me. Even if he walks away forever - I will be incredibly grateful for him.

Best of luck to you, @mclaren88.

[Clippedwingsheal]

Best of luck to you, @mclaren88.

Lol I'm probably going to need it

[Kernel]

So true. SLI I'm close to is also enneagram 8, and he's exactly like you described and did the loyality test, he even told me at first that I will be disappointed by him and that I will leave him because I will see how bad he is... he was terrified of rejection, and from his past friendships, it seems he started seeing himself in a bad way because of his tendency to ruin relations...

Seeing and reading what I have about SLIs - I understand why this duality paring is so difficult - but I also see the abundant amount of beauty in it. Every ounce of effort - has been completely 100% worth it.
I feel like I am always helping people and trying to help them be the best they can be. Through all of this - it was actually him - who left me better than he found me. Even if he walks away forever - I will be incredibly grateful for him.

True! I discovered a side of myself with him that I didn't know was there, he often said things about me that I was unaware of but it just made sense, and I was left thinking and surprised by how he knew that even though we didn't talk much, he got to know me just by observing it seems. It was very strange in a way, we didn't communicate a lot but our behaviors said more than words. I didn't feel like this with any person. And we both helped each other unconsciously or consciously. It's impossible to forget something like this or even replace it for me at least... Just being next to each other was great!