Quote Originally Posted by fox View Post
Interesting, I need this in relationships too, but the only difference is that I'd much rather be single than not have it. Unlike sexual types, I don't actively go looking for a relationship or feel as if I will die when I'm single (though, I do feel like dying a few months after a breakup because I feel as if I've lost part of myself). I have never actively gone looking for love, I just let it come to me organically. This is why dating sites are not for me.

For me, love is a very all or nothing concept. If I don't feel a strong intense and exciting connection with someone, I'd just rather be single. The thought of being with someone I see as dull or boring is actually sickening to me. The only issue here is that I often get into intense abusive relationships because for some reason, my brain can't distinguish abuse intensity with true passion. I am an adrenaline junky when it comes to relationships, and the ones that can't ignite any fire in me are just simply not worth it.

This is why I kind of want to be single forever... It's so relieving to not constantly feel like I'm in pain over sx stuff, so I can focus primarily on sp matters.
Same, I never look. I sort of wake up one day and realize what I have is a relationship and I am in too deep. I did have to tell the ILI he was my bf after he didn't leave my side for weeks but only because he was clueless about what I thought we were. The 2 SLE I lived with told me that I was their's which settled that for me and relieved the tension of not knowing if it was real. I have never been in a boring relationship but I have been in relationships where we grew apart. The parting was torture for me even when I knew it was over. It was like nothing could spark it again and our interests had grown too far apart. I grieved that loss like I would a death.

Actually looking on dating sites seems like a very strange thing to me. I am not that organized or logical when it comes to love. It is all chemical. I love with all my heart but it can fluctuate from intense feelings of love to intense feelings bordering on hate or vengeance.

I envy the love my sx last parents had. It seemed so comfortable, so relaxed, so down to earth. They just allowed each other so much space to be themselves. If I could hit the reset button maybe I would be sx last just to relieve my heart, mind and soul of the pressure inside me that threatens to destroy everything good in my life, if I do not keep it contained. I push people away to protect them from me.