INFj and ENFp approach to relationships NeFi vs FiNe

[Slacker]

OK so from Hugo's test

I am more attentive to making, maintaining and strengthening relationships with people.

I think that maybe NeFi folks put more emphasis on making new relationships, and FiNe folks are more into the maintaining and strengthening of old relationships.

That's based mainly on noticing the difference between me and my INFj sister, so it isn't universal and it isn't well thought-out. How do other people see this?

[meatburger]

I tend to push people outside of my friend group away quite a lot. Its actually quite hard to crack into my life. This as i have heard is a very common ENFp trait. We do not want to many people taking up too much of our time as we have trouble saying no. I am quite focused on maintaining my group of friends and keeping them.

I must admit lately i have been letting some of my friends go however as i dont get on with them as well anymore, so maybe a change is occuring.

[Slacker]

I've also read that ENFps are bad about losing contact with friends, or not maintaining contact well. I know I have this problem, and I've seen it in an ENFp friend of my husband as well. It's like I won't think to call someone, and then after a while I'll remember and start up again but it's almost out of the blue. I have an ENFp friend and, while we have a good time together, we seem to have trouble getting in contact with each other.

On the other hand, I love getting out and about, and I'll often start chatting with people at various places.

My sister works much harder to keep up with her friends. She makes sure they get together pretty often. But she seems shyer about getting to know new people.

Like I said though, this is largely based on her and me. Though I have seen those other two ENFps who also seem to drift away from friends and drift back from time to time.

[meatburger]

Actually yeah thats a very good point. From an overall point of view i still have 4 friends i knew since i was around 5 years old. A few other friends i have had for 6 or so years. So i have managed somehow to keep my friends.

When it comes to keeping in regular contact i am also a total shocker. I will not ring them or contact them. If they ring me i will by delighted to hear from them though.

[Minde]

I'm actually pretty bad at keeping in contact with friends. Sometimes I feel bad about it, other times it doesn't really bother me. With my closer friends, when I see them after an absence, I can just pick up right where I left off. With people I don't know as well, or if I'm encountering them in a different context than I knew them in, sometimes it can be a little awkward. But we usually get over it as long as we still have things in common. But, yeah, I'm not good at staying in contact with people. It's kind of like talking on the phone. There's no real reason, I just don't like to do it - it makes me uncomfortable. I guess this is the antisocial side of me.

[April]

Ditto to everything Minde said.

I've never quite liked Hugo's description of Fi there.

[meatburger]

Lol. I haven't talked to my INFj friend for about 5 months. He rang me yesterday. Delta mirror friends are bound to never see each other by the look of it :wink:

[pesto]

I've noticed that when left to my own devices I don't think about people or relationships that much. My own feelings are probably a more common subject and how they depend on others and various situations. And I spend a lot of time planning my immediate future, to aviod getting stuck on something.

But when faced with an everyday problem I take people in account first and foremost. How will this effect 1) my 2) others' wellbeing?

[Topaz]

I've also read that ENFps are bad about losing contact with friends, or not maintaining contact well. I know I have this problem, and I've seen it in an ENFp friend of my husband as well. It's like I won't think to call someone, and then after a while I'll remember and start up again but it's almost out of the blue. I have an ENFp friend and, while we have a good time together, we seem to have trouble getting in contact with each other.
Though I have seen those other two ENFps who also seem to drift away from friends and drift back from time to time.

I do this too. There are certain friends I see on a regular basis because of religious activities but other ones are sporatic. I love it when they call me though. I usually will drop whatever Im doing or make adjustments to be with them. I guess I love to be wanted

[schrödinger's cat]

Same here. The problem is more that I dislike ringing someone up without an actual reason, just to talk. What if they don't want to talk? And the same goes for inviting people. What if they don't want to come? Or if they just say yes out of politeness, or because they don't feel they can say no? What if they were quite happy and then here I come and they have to talk to me? If they ring me up, then at least I know that they actually want to talk. It's their choice then.

Normally, though, that isn't a problem. It became one because I've moved and I didn't know anyone here. Nightmare. Usually, if a friendship is really on a give-and-take basis and my friends regularly ring me up just to chat, or write, or drop in to say hello, then I'm fine.

I'm beginning to suspect that a bored could really be the cause of those kind of fears. If there isn't any positive potential to be seen, heck, there's always negative stuff...