I kinda have no desire to go out of my way to make friends anymore. Coupled with the social anxiety thing and things that have happened in the past few years of my life that no one really knows about, I feel very distant from most people. Also the whole emotional problem with friendship ugh. It seems pointless to me. Deep down I don't believe that I can have healthy friendships or relationships with people overall.

I don't make friends easily. Never have. I've had people consider me their friend but I realize I have a very specific idea of what a friendship should be like in my head and most people don't meet that criteria. In my head friendship would almost feel like we're in a relationship but without certain things obviously. Like I wanna be their one and only person. I don't have that in friendships. Never have.