Cuiv I don't think you're valuing at all, so I'm going with LIE.
Cuiv I don't think you're valuing at all, so I'm going with LIE.
I've been reading your convo in chatbox yesterday and Fi/Te makes sense. You sounded like you struggle understanding human interaction and are baffled by people's reactions to your statements. You were asking what can you do about it, how can you fix this, what do you have to say to improve this situation and stop being so misunderstood. That's a naive way for an ethical person to approach the situation - not that you want to improve relations, that's normal, but that you need another person to tell you what to say. There was certain vulnerability like you really don't get it - like people should be upfront and just say exactly what they want to hear from you to get it over with and you can both get more productive results out of convo: ). You don't really seem to adjust your communication style enough for Fe ego imo. You're in a way just teasing and flirting, not really trying to achieve anything more nuanced (emotionally speaking, not otherwise). You are often basically having monologues....this is how I am, this is what I need, you need to respect me, this is my goal when I'm talking with people - too assess what can they give me and if they are what i need, "we wll help each other achieve all that we are capable of"....very bussiness transaction like, even if we're talking about sex or relationships. I don't think that's how ENFx's people approach conversations, it's more often a lot about the other person and how he reacts to you - the whole dynamics and getting to know another, being really interested in what others are like, getting to know the people organically, joking,.......not just with some other unconnected important goal in mind (at least not unless you're in a bussiness meeting or smtng).
Anyway, you're a peculiar case, so I'm not exactly sure about your type ; )
In your case, I would argue that this is Ti-DS. I don't see how you use Te at all. Most of your convos are about standards in society. That's not Fi seeking. I would write more but @Syrup said it pretty well.Cuivienen - Report Shout 10-24-2017 11:23 PM
There need to be clear standards
adsfkljaskf I still don't see Te. I'm actually kind of warming to the idea of SEE, bcuz I can see the following -> strong and unvalued Fe, weak and valued Te, frequently vocalized Fi, and some kind of Se (for all his talk about how he wants to be raped, his general approach is "I know I want to fuck immediately and if you don't go along with it you're a coward" lol)
for posterity's sake;
~*~sigh~*~
I had a hunch about why some people have reacted the way they did. However, I still wanted to hear what they had to say, out of curiosity as much as anything.
Well one of the criticisms I've received is that I don't listen to other people's opinions enough, and tend to just do whatever I want. I see this as a fair point (if in this case, somewhat born out of spite) and am always looking to improve, so I encouraged anyone in the shoutbox to offer me some feedback. I was disappointed that few people saw that opportunity and took it seriously.
You see, I genuinely enjoy most of what I do on here. I am happy to adjust the way I communicate, but I won't do this unless others can offer me something in return. In this case, my terms are a guarantee that the flaming, slights and reactive, defensive behaviour I have to deal with on here daily (all of which have been bringing my mood down) will cease. Stop assuming that I'm out to get you, guys.
I just don't like playing games, so will not dance around what should be obvious.
I strongly believe that while it might seem uncomfortable, you will always benefit from being direct and honest about your intentions. If you think a guy (like me) is hot, then say it. In a way I feel my attitude is more considerate; consider that if I wanted, I could pretend to be more smooth and easy-going - play the game so to speak. However, besides small talk boring me to death, I also consider it unethical to withhold intent and a waste of both of our time. I mean, imagine, we could be doing something else much more...pleasurable than talking about the weather, if we wanted. I have so many ideas.
Yes my style is often remarked on as business-like. However, this is really a product of intense focus on whatever we're doing (which may not be perceived as appropriate, especially in a casual setting). While I may seem emotionally dry on the outside, I am actually experiencing strong emotions internally, so I am very bothered by @squark's accusations that I am somehow cold and lacking in nuance. This is not true at all and a pretty severe insult to direct at someone. I tend to switch between detached/restless/bored/lethargic (unfortunately this is most of the time, life is not very exciting right now) and hungry/intense/focused/lustful, depending on how stimulated, how inspired I am.
I am interested in the conversation topics you've brought up, but perhaps how you and I differ is in the when. I prefer to build understanding and intimacy after a connection has been established physically, not before. I would quickly become restless around someone who expected this to happen in reverse. Basically if you have sex with me, I will (probably) become eager to know you in other ways also. Does this make sense?
Long may the mystery continue.
Last edited by Spermatozoa; 10-26-2017 at 04:30 PM.
That is the most outrageous shit ever, I am astonished that you thought I was actually serious.
I do however love the evocative image of a lustful, horny woman (much "like an elk in rutting season" to use the beautifully romantic language offered earlier) hungry and possessed, her clothes torn to shreds and ready to fuck me out of sex crazed desperation through the night until we are both utterly spent, a quivering mess of flesh and sex juices.
lol, sorry, I didn't mean it literally. it was a play on the 16t meme (that should maybe die, actually) that Ni egos want to be raped.
throwing everything out there and wanting it all to happen immediately seems like sort of the opposite of victim behavior though. I can see other reasons someone would want a possessive partner, or to be roughly fucked, lol.
Yeah that might be a good idea.
I agree that Ni-egos seem to be aroused by a partner who dominates/controls them sexually ("you're my bitch", "I own you" etc, that kind of thing), but they're probably not going to enjoy this from some random ghetto-dweller who they met in a dark alley.
I don't throw "everything out there" outside a sexual context. I am so intent on it mainly because being sexually successful is a very big deal for me, it's my primary focus and critical to my happiness.
However an area I'm not interested at all, or have already explored and find boring, is an area where I often procrastinate and will under-perform in, compared to you might expect with my innate talent. I need a sense of direction/change to feel engaged and energized or I just drift off and become morose. Most of my energy does come from intimacy, so I see acquiring a partner as an essential, positive event that can propel me forward, and give me the momentum I need to sort out other things in my life. Unfortunately the causality is not clear to most people as we have markedly different priorities.
Maybe I am just depressed and isolated, so lack energy for that reason. I felt especially down last night, more than I have for a long time. This is what I need to work on right now, instead of career and women...but my depression is just a result of my circumstances, so unless they change any improvement in my mood is unlikely.
Last edited by Spermatozoa; 10-26-2017 at 05:28 PM.
Fi vs Fe. Fe is more outward, being aware of others emotions and how to impact them. I can't comment on your inner world.Originally Posted by Cuivienen
Put it this way: You're not saying things for the emotional effect they have or could have, and instead talk only about what you enjoy or like or dislike, without really expressing any emotion involved in it. This to me comes across as cold.
Why would I comment on how you experience your own emotions - that'd be ridiculously presumptuous.
Anyway - do some reading on Fe vs Fi, and particularly on Fe leading and maybe someone else's words will explain better what I'm apparently not communicating very well and why I don't think that makes sense for your type.
you agree? but I just said otherwise. that this desire might not necessarily be bcuz of Ni ego. victim/aggressor at its core is about the victim focusing on the dynamic levels of mutual attraction & long term implications & the aggressor seeing the attraction as a static thing that needs to be pushed forward. I would characterize your style as more the latter. kinkiness & attachment styles aren't directly related to it.
I meant it specifically in a sexual/romantic context bcuz that was where I thought it applied. if everything is out there right away, there's nothing for an aggressor to do.I don't throw "everything out there" outside a sexual context. I am so intent on it mainly because being sexually successful is a very big deal for me, it's my primary focus and critical to my happiness.
this sounds fairly normal.However an area I'm not interested at all, or have already explored and find boring, is an area where I can procrastinate and will often under-perform compared to my innate talent.
some of this is prob sx instinct. maybe I'm applying advice to you that only works for me & ppl like me... but I strongly urge you, as i have before, to focus on what u can do for yourself instead of what other ppl can do for you, or circumstances out of your control. bcuz then you own your life and you're not just waiting.I have to feel engaged and energized or I just drift off and feel morose. Because most of my energy does come from intimacy, I see acquiring a partner as an essential step towards sorting out other things in my life, but the casuality not be immediately obvious to other people.
Maybe I am just depressed and isolated, so lack energy for that reason. I felt especially down last night, more than I have for a long time. This is what I need to work on right now, instead of career and women...but my depression is just a result of my circumstances, so unless they change any improvement is unlikely.
Oh are you asking me what turns me on, personally? I am deeply uncomfortable with any kind of submission, I think I mentioned that in another thread. So I definitely wouldn't like being talked to in the way I mentioned; I mean if a girl called me "her bitch" I'd definitely feel somewhat emasculated...
I am after a very assertive and direct partner who wants closeness, lots of body contact. Someone who will tell me vividly what they want me to do to them and what they are going to do to me. It is very important that they do not get offended easily. I am more of a physical, aural person (this is why girl on top is the preferred position) as I see vivid images and hear a wide range of sounds in my head, but I prefer to create something with these like music or art (technically sex is an act of creation also, spreading your seed lol) than discuss them verbally.
I see.
Well that's a relief, I thought there was something badly wrong with me.
The blessing of introversion is that you really don't give a shit.
Imagine how horrible it would be to feel alone when you get so much energy from other people. I need my fix or I am going to be fucked up.
it's not a play. they want. indeed
just not by anyone. by the knight with a long sword and straight on a horse (Ni men have a dream to be raped by princesses, you need to be Ni to be able to imagine how this may happen)
> throwing everything out there and wanting it all to happen immediately seems like sort of the opposite of victim behavior though
then he wants to be the knight (in this turn)
> I can see other reasons someone would want a possessive partner, or to be roughly fucked, lol.
It. Is. BETA!
(or gamma if he got an insurance policy against such cases)
lol, no. I could fit ti polr here I just tried explaining the theory nuts & bolts to you to try to help explain & you just...dodged it.
if you absolutely need someone in your life in order to function you may need to adjust your expectations. I mean "I can't function at all unless I find a woman who will immediately establish an extremely close commitment to me" is an unreasonable standard and frankly you're creating your own suffering this way. its honestly painful to observe. maybe I can't understand the needs that you have, but I do know that putting every single egg of happiness in a single basket that you can't reach by yourself is just a bad fucking idea.The blessing of introversion is that you really don't give a shit.
Imagine how horrible it would be to feel alone when you get so much energy from other people. I need my fix or I am going to be fucked up.
It depends. Was the random ghetto dweller hot? Usually homeless people have an incredibly low level of attraction because they smell too awful and are not aesthetically pleasing enough. (and homeless is the first thing I think of when I hear 'random ghetto dweller.') I don't think many people are turned on by the stench of homeless people but I don't want to be hobophobic.I agree that Ni-egos seem to be aroused by a partner who dominates/controls them sexually ("you're my bitch", "I own you" etc, that kind of thing), but they're probably not going to enjoy this from some random ghetto-dweller who they met in a dark alley.
not even touching the "rape-is-only-from-'ghetto-dwellers'-in-dark-alleys" thing lmao
Lungs is very right here. If you hinge your success on things that are out of your control, like relationships, your ambitions become unstable. Furthermore, your likelihood of finding someone who actually wants to be with you will decrease because they will sense that you depend on them in a way that's more like a parent-child relationship than an adult relationship.
That isn't to say that it's not important for people who care about you to support you. But that support shouldn't serve as the deciding factor in your ability to move forward in your life goals.
Not just that but body energy. Asserting his will sexually but not in a creepy rape-way just knows what he's doing in his body. And not every Se-ego is amazing at it or anything. But they initially are often just very good at it. You do need Fi to sustain a healthy relationship tho, and its something Betas/Alphas need to work on. Especially Betas. =Das long as the man in question is hot and smells nice, of course.
T types do not provide enough Feeling to another T type however and that's what I was talking about - LIE needs more Feeling than what LSI can give. I mean, the 2D Fi of LSI is better than nothing but it's just not the same as the Fi from an ESI...
That business-like stuff is what I see as natural for you (Te).
I don't see you as entirely cold, T types have emotions too ofc T leads actually easily get engaged emotionally when there is the right stimuli for it that is at the same time *not* filtered out by the Logical base function for whatever reason.
This is another reason why I see LIE over EIE for you. F types are able to build it without the sex.I am interested in the conversation topics you've brought up, but perhaps how you and I differ is in the when. I prefer to build understanding and intimacy after a connection has been established physically, not before. I would quickly become restless around someone who expected this to happen in reverse. Basically if you have sex with me, I will (probably) become eager to know you in other ways also. Does this make sense?
Good points and btw they apply to mcbain too
I think some of us initially mistook your preoccupation with "purpose" for Ni-creative, but now I'm thinking it's Ni-seeking.
Ni-creatives should have a strong sense of purpose, in the same way that Ne-creatives should have a strong set of ideals. To sway or pressure Ne-creatives to speak/act outside their ideal mode of operation is like trying to move a brick-wall. They'll find ways around it while still operating within the self-administered constraints of their "idealism". And in the case of Ni-creatives, they rarely lack a purpose. They merely lack the necessary tools or resources (Se) to implement their purpose. And even then, their purpose is usually kept hush-hush until it isn't anymore.
The fact that you fear emasculation points away from the Victim romance style. It's not that male Victims want to be emasculated. It's that having a natural preference for Intuition over Sensing makes it so that Victims are willing to compromise on small, temporary wins for long-term gains. And I find it difficult to reconcile your desire for a strong, assertive, and possessive woman with your fear of emasculation. I feel like that's inevitable if you perceive any sort of power exerted over you as a deliberate act of emasculation. Which is your prerogative, but I have a feeling you wouldn't be comfortable with that in the long-run. Correct me if I'm wrong here. But on a quick side note, I will say that some of the EIEs I've known have taken an odd approach to implementing their Victim romance style. Sometimes it looks like they're pointing a gun to their own head and yelling "DON'T SHOOT!"
I'd look up the "Conqueror" romance style, if I were you. And then I'd look into the preferred romance style of the Beta quadra. Your desire for strong, intense, visceral romantic connections - in both your partner and yourself - seems to have been taken straight out of the Beta romance style. One of your biggest personal hang-ups (from what you've written) seems to be that you fear being disliked, even if it's usually kept on the DL, which makes me think you could be Fe-HA, but Se-HA is still plausible. High energy levels, which you don't seem to lack, are correlated with Ej or S > N, more specifically Se.
With that said, I don't have a set opinion on your type. These are just loose observations that I've gleaned over your time here on this forum.
I have highlighted the parts of the Aggressor and Victim styles that resonate with me. An explanation will follow below.
OK then. I will visualize a scene of me and a girl and imagine how we'd typically develop a conversation. Most of the girls I've met and struck up a conservation with offline I've met either at music concerts or bars.
It takes me no time to decide if I am interested in a woman. I will see her and just know I find her attractive (or not) and that I would like to sleep with her (or not) and that we will then be together (or not), almost instantly and well before I say a word to her. I know exactly what I want and this makes me very focused and intense. However that being said, I often don't initiate a conversation and hope that the girl will. I am absolutely shit at small talk. Maybe this is because I am not that socially confident or experienced; I have been rejected often and still feel hurt by that. My last relationship ended very badly. While ultimately I would prefer to take courtship into my own hands (as in most aspects of life), being approached by someone else does take the pressure off. I have an extremely high sex drive which can distract me and create this rush, a flurry of intimate, sexual visions that immerse me whenever I see a girl I like, it can be kind of overwhelming to be honest, even for me. I enjoy the passion but then again, it's not very helpful. I am eager and will push to reduce psychological distance quickly once a conversation has started, I love feeling a bond grow, become magnetic and noticing how quickly we are escalating to the point where all control is lost. My ideal really is to meet a total stranger and for us to madly fly into each other's arms and bodies. It will be hot and sticky and like nothing else.
I guess intimacy with me is kind of animalistic but it is also sincere and deeply felt. I love touch, kissing, feeling, groping, lots of body contact basically. While I will expect to be in control/dominate the relationship psychologically (I expect to be obeyed, and hate questions), sexually, I do need a partner who will not just bend over for me. I want them to pin me down and challenge me, really wind me up and push me into an orgasmic rage. Outside the bedroom it's a different story, but inside I do want to be tested and pushed often. You must never let me just walk over you, as I don't respect weakness. If you can manage me, eventually a switch will flick where I just become a lustful beast who sees you as nothing but a female in heat who I wish to impregnate, and I'll tear you apart However, I need to be really into you for this to happen, and that takes at least a few weeks - also you need to know intuitively how to press my buttons, how to make me obsessed. But basically the more of a connection we have, the more raw and aggressive I will become. At the beginning I can be kind of detached and bored, casually disinterested (but internally, extremely horny of course as usual).
So I feel like I relate more to the Aggressor style (this would certainly reflect my behaviour in general a lot better), but I don't consider myself to be someone who enjoys being in control at all times, romantically. That is mainly because I can't respect a pushover. I need a lot of mental and physical stimulation and can't stand repetition/monotony. Also if you are interested in BDSM definitions I am a switch, not a dominant.
Anyway I hope this helps. Also right now I'm really hyper because it's 11am (when I'm at my most energetic) plus I've just had 3 Ritalin and green tea, so there's that too haha. Shit I feel like I could split an entire room of teenage girls in half.
I'm picturing tom cruise jumping up and down on a couch saying these things
You give creepy "do not touch with a barge pole" vibes.
you might be depressed, try going out and having some real fun. not forum verbal masturbation fun.
well to be fair, it sort of sounds like one, if by sounds you mean a copy of a copy (an imitation of a description)
its definitely pretty far removed from what the real thing would present itself as, however