I lack experience with online dating but if somebody from a dating site asked a question like that prior to meeting I'd assume they weren't looking for a prolonged relationship.
I lack experience with online dating but if somebody from a dating site asked a question like that prior to meeting I'd assume they weren't looking for a prolonged relationship.
Thanks guys, yes I'm aware some men want sex on dating sites lol! And I do respect my duals who are more completely upfront about it and it does make me laugh and not feel threatened. I guess I thought if the guy was asking so much personal information about me, like about my son, which I find quite full-on but was patient enough to respond then he was not just looking for sex. Pretty sure he was LIE Sol. Just a bit inexperienced with F women perhaps. Actually, it's by knowing Adam online, the way he types, that I identified him.
It's no big deal. I just was curious to know why it got to me and I think it was partly a Creative-n/d clash. I like to view myself as original and impressive etc. with lots of wonderful, whiz-bang, experimental ideas and solutions up my sleeve for all parts of my life including the bedroom and for him to ask me such a mundane question kind of deflated me because he completely didn't see my potential and didn't give me the ingredients I need to be inspired and shine- appreciation and trust.
Also I'm just sensitive because the SLI-T I've been texting and recently spoke to has it turns out only months ago come out of a long term relationship and isn't looking for anything serious and I on the other hand am very ready after 3.5 years at home on my own with a baby so we agreed to part ways. Well, he wanted to be "friends" and I said no as I barely have energy for the right people, let alone those with no desire for a relationship.
For a woman to be "only friends" with a man is doubtful. Some chance if he's not free or in offline communication.Originally Posted by Guillaine
You mb pals. But if friendship feelings appear - it will not stop on this.
IRL good friendly communication with a man having good IR with you - straight road to a romance. If you have interest to him and sure you may become friends, have mutual attraction to your communication - spend your time on him. I'm not sure in your IR with him, as not sure in how people type even themselves, but if he's open in principle, you think him as your dual, like his look and find as smart one - such people cost the efforts.
> isn't looking for anything serious
This changes with feelings, while they start with friendship.
With good IR is needed closer psyche distance to notice good between you. The progress of feelings mb fast.
Yeah when I say friends I think he wants friends with benefits if you know what I mean- sex without emotional/romantic involvement per se. I might keep my options open with him, we'll see.
People want good relations with love.
You may try to establish friendship (soul attraction and some cooperation) and romance relations without sex with the one you think as the dual. Mb he'll accept this. Good IR help in this. Then feelings may develop for more.
The reasonable sequence: friendship -> serious feelings -> sex (if you both like the idea of possible marriage in case of pregnancy). If you both will feel the love - you'll want the marriage and children, naturally. In case of the dual - good chance for good relations and hence the reason to try this approach.
The approach of short and surface relations with early sex makes the obstacle for normal relations to appear. You'd spread your resources on alien people. Sex without serious feelings not only is lesser interesting and has risks, but may harm the normal relations development. As the energy for the efforts needed for establishing friendship in initial stage will be reduced. For normal relations creation it's useful to understand better each other, to understand better own feelings to each other, to give the time for feelings development, for preparations for marriage relations sometimes.
You may be right but I think it's pretty normal to take a year or more after a long term relationship breaks up to be open enough to feel love again, at least in my experience. If he says he doesn't want a relationship I am going to take him at his word.
@Guillaine, let me apologize for clumsy LIE’s everywhere. I think you probably identified him correctly, because my approach may have a bit more finesse, but it is not different in kind. I like to get right down to business, and most LIE’s probably do, too.
I have found that my approach to women offends most types because, of course, they are looking for some type other than a pseudo-aggressor. I have solved this problem by simply not dating any types other than ESI’s.
And I’m sorry to hear that your SLI doesn’t want what you want. Keep looking, you’ll find one who does.
I think I met an ILE. Only had a twenty minute conversation with him. At first he was difficult (but interesting) to speak to because he would start new sentences and topics imbedded in previous ones so I would have a response ready to what he was talking about but then he'd talk for another five minutes and change topics three more times. I had to learn when to tactfully interrupt him by predicting when he was about to come to a pause in one topic to follow another tangent and then jumping in when I could. He didn't seem to mind and conversation flowed much better when I started doing this even though I felt rude at first.
"I take back like half of the exclamation points.....they make me look....eager to please. Which I AM....but I don't want anyone to KNOW that"
- Carrie Fisher
I predict he will quickly become addicted to you and will be back for more.
Just bear in mind, you are the adult in the room. At some point, he's going to challenge you for dominance. Let him know who's boss (You are.). He'll object but will eventually be fine with that, mainly because you indulge him and admire him like no one else does.
I've seen this happen myself. I don't know how you SEI's do it. (Well, it works for ILE's. NOT for LIE's.)
This seems like D in DCNH. Does that type resonate with you?
My opinion on my DCNH type is not N. D could work since I do tend to behave like above but also I read that Ds are the most like their type descriptions and easiest to type and since I've proved difficult for people to type, maybe not? I feel like a D ExFj would be quite intense. I feel like I relate to it but I'm already Ej so it's hard to tell if I'm relating to it because I am D or because I have Ej temp?.
My inclination is probably I'm more C, and this is backed up by the fact most people see me as irrational when watching my video. But I haven't deeply examined DCNH so don't have a solid opinion
"I take back like half of the exclamation points.....they make me look....eager to please. Which I AM....but I don't want anyone to KNOW that"
- Carrie Fisher
I’ve probably done similar things to @Guillaine’s guy, frontloading my make-or-break attitudes and needs to avoid getting entangled with someone wrong for me, wasting my time and their time. This includes sex stuff first. I don’t think it was clumsy on my part, though. It was deliberate and direct, but the intent was benevolent and I think that came through.
If a guy asked if I give head, my response would be, how long ago did you break up with the woman who wouldn’t, and is that the only partner you’ve ever had? :/ I would also consider following up by asking why she wouldn’t, and if he bathes frequently, and if he goes down. Et cetera. I’d expect him to go away pretty quickly in response.
LSI: “I still can’t figure out Pinterest.”
Me: “It’s just, like, idea boards.”
LSI: “I don’t have ideas.”
Those all seem like pretty legit questions, @golden, and I wouldn't be offended at all by them or hesitate to answer them.
This might be why I like LSI's. They are immensely practical and straightforward and down-to-earth about sex.
I remember having a short discussion moments before first having sex with my first LSI GF about likes and dislikes, preferences and show-stoppers, and then it was all good. Neither of us was offended by this. It was like, "I like daffodils, but I hate spiders, and I'm never going to jump out of an airplane."
Same with the second LSI.
With many of the other women I've dated, though, things were a lot less clear.
@Guillaine within the context you provided the question seems less grimy lol. I was just giving my initial reaction since it was being discussed as a type-related thing. Sorry if it seemed condescending.
No I did not feel that from your post, no need to apologise, none of us really knows what he was thinking. It was just annoying timing to me to ask right after I arranged and not before.
My recent project group in uni had an LII who kicked himself out of the group. That was the first time I had a genuinely negative experience with an LII. Most seem to be peaceful and even in situations that threatened their program functions (in the case of LII: fairness through rationality and equality) they try to stay away from conflict that could harm the group atmosphere. This LII however had the mentality of a dictator.
It's only natural for a group that some people work more than others for whatever reasons. He couldn't have that. He insisted that everyone worked the exact same amount of hours. It got so bad that people started to actively avoid him. Eventually he understood the situation by himself and left which is tragic. He was one of the more competent members. I think he should've accepted what is instead of fighting the group mentality. The only one who saw any problems was him. Maybe and ESE or SEI could've helped. But as far as I can tell our group only consists of T-types.
I don’t think university profs should make students do teamwork, unless they intend to teach students how to do teamwork in the first place.
https://www.nytimes.com/2016/02/28/m...fect-team.html
The pro-argument is that the real world works that way. Well, it doesn’t. All the teams I ever worked on professionally were clearly structured, with clear roles, clear goals, and lots of time for co-workers to get to know one another and find effective ways to collaborate. Typically some or even most of the workers irl are mature, too. And most people are more equally invested in the outcome and in getting along in future.
LSI: “I still can’t figure out Pinterest.”
Me: “It’s just, like, idea boards.”
LSI: “I don’t have ideas.”
What is the point of doing the same hours? What type of project are you doing? Context is very important. He probably can do the project alone anyway.
I remember leaving a group once, in my first year, and then refused to ever work again in a group if I didn't have the final say on things. These are one of the rare instances where I actively seek to be in charge. It sucks when you do your part perfectly and you get a shit grade, which happened to me before.
I don't care if people don't contribute anything to the project, they still need to try, and they need to report what they have done in a timely manner. I've had lots of lazy people in projects. As long as they manage to add something relevant, I don't care if they don't complete their assigned part. If it seems that their work isn't up to standard, or what is expected, I will do it myself. But I've cut people who haven't answered my calls or showed up to meetings. They need to pretend that they care at least. I won't feel bad about leaving their name out if they didn't do shit and their ass didn't show up except for the first and last day.
Honestly, fuck group projects. I don't remember once looking back and saying "oh man, If I didn't do group projects in Uni I wouldn't have being able to do X at work!" That shit just made me lose hope in most students and future co-workers. I'm glad my job rating is independent of co-workers' performance.
It is a computer science project to gain experience at collaborating with other developers - which is a real world scenario. He wasn't in charge. None of the srudents were. We have a docent who overlooks our progress .We devided the work between the group members equally. The Disagreements startet when an SLI girl in the group left earlier than the rest of us to have lunch. She was simply more effective and therefore quicker than him. I think he had something against her personally. He was very open about how he thought things should go but when he didn't get what ge wanted he didn't stop complaining about it which got on everybody's nerves. Our docent told him to hold back a little and that talking to him was very difficult due to his disagreable behavior. He's gone now and the projects run a lot smoother now.
I'm sorry that you hate group projects. However in some situations, for example in mine, they are unavoidable and furtunatley the rest of the group is easy to work with and talk to.
You seem very passionate about the issue. Do you identify as LII?
Well, that sucks. He does sound unprofessional.
Lol, I'm not sorry. It made me realise that I enjoy certain work environments more than others. Which I guess why I never worked in IT even though I majored in it.
Yeah. Sorry if If I came off too strong.
Thank you and no it's all right I'm just a bit sensitive lately (: It's good to hear another one's (/LII's) perspective. I thought with Fe-seeking LIIs would be more open to group projects but that seems to be a misconception on my side.
Robespierre!
On a serious note though, isn't the intent behind everyone working the same hours a way to try and establish fairness and equality, since in groups you have people usually who do nothing and one or two who do all the work?
I think that was the intent. Of course, such a thing isn't practical and can't be attempted without becoming seriously dictatorial. Every dictator is convinced they are doing what they do for the "the common good" even when results point to the contrary.
My point here is that while his intentions were probably good, the road to hell is often paved with good intentions.
I also have to echo the sentiment that group projects at uni are a bad idea.
Yes, I agree. We as a group thought so, too. There was nothing wrong with his intentions. His actions and his behavior however were negative. He was just a pain to work with. He'll learn from the experience. Besides he's in a new group now and it works a lot better for him, which is nice for everyone imo.
I love how its like taken for granted he was wrong, and you say he'll learn from the experience, when as far as I can tell he was right and the lesson is not to fuck around with you guys and instead always work with those other guys. if he was actually contributing to a disproportionately higher degree he's probably going to learn he can do so for them and inasmuch as they don't totally ignore him that's an improvement justifying the change. maybe hell even work harder for them. and that team benefits from whatever knowledge he brings. at no point have you seemingly considered you could be wrong and the fact he's better off elsewhere proves that, unless this other group is identical and its a lie it works better for him, or worse in a way that just happens to suit him. its like you never considered his point at all, and further, never considered this makes your team the bad guys in all of this. your strategy was to minimize having to make any sort of changes at all, and if the set point was unfair toward a person you considered it best for them to devise their own solution. that this means he leaves and you're deprived of his ability to think, which apparently isn't calibrated to be maximally lazy and uncreative and conforming to the point of self harm, and your team has their peace but fundamentally still has the same problem which is that ya'll are a bunch of fuckers no one wants to be around if they can help it, because the dynamic is stupid as hell. you guys are literally the rejects and huddled together telling yourself it was this other guys problem, the solution seems to be to stamp down any qualities then that protrude, if for no other reason that your team is the cast off of humanity and so any qualities that protrude are by definition the bad ones. this kind of leveling then makes sense, but only in a kind of kafkaeseque nightmare where stripping oneself of humanity is an improvement on the base material. a way to rejigger the machine to make self harm a net gain. if you ever wonder why people react hostilely to this sort of behavior refer to this post. its because you lack a concept of why things happen and think only of yourself, despite your misleading language usage. he was probably looking at you like you had a dick on your forehead the whole time. the only well wishers you attract with this autism and naivety are low-value sheisters who see in this an opening and offer their "understanding" so they can essentially barter the peace of mind it conveys you for favors down the line. the fact this entire thing is a race to the bottom is something anyone with half a brain puts as much distance between themselves and it as they can. so when we say "its nice for everyone" you're not wrong, but it means you're left with the people who can only sell eachother the same second hand goods back and forth forever, running off an illusory currency, and never create anything of genuine value. in essence you provide the low side of the hierarchy which gives context to everyone who isn't so dull, and in that sense it is "nice for everyone." i.e.: the kind of shit people get away from as soon as they have the merit and or power that allows them to do so
Last edited by Bertrand; 09-17-2018 at 11:10 PM.
Shifting into that behavior of a dictator is an (unhealthy) reaction of an E-5 type. Behaving like an unhealty E-8 type happens when a E-5 type is seriously stressed.
Some LII E-5 types (and some LSI E-5 types) are prone doing this.
Yes, usually, but-leading types want a project to be organized or structured in a specific way to match their
maybe you should have stuck up for him
LII's having PoLR moments with some role. Using it often does not mean good practice. It requires adaptation. Quality > quantity.
MOTTO: NEVER TRUST IN REALITY
Winning is for losers
Sincerely yours,
idiosyncratic type
Life is a joke but do you have a life?
Joinif you dare https://matrix.to/#/#The16Types:matrix.org
At least no group of people should do teamwork when they don't function together as a team to do projects.
Yes, I guess it has to do with havingas PoLR-function.
I can tell that it's still difficult to control and adapt my level of assertivness in social groups.
In my younger years it was worse:
My behavior could switch from too mellow to too aggressive, the bad thing is, even small irritation could trigger this.
pretty sure most team assignments are just a way for profs to grade less papers
they don't really give a fuck about the burden that puts on the "teams"
from their point of view its probably less work for the students too, and since thats what they're all about, voila
this idea that winnie needs to go assess his behavior in light of this misses the point, which is he's being set up to conform to accommodate other people start to finish, and when he turns around an apologizes for his past "aggressive behavior" they know they've got him right where they want him
now if the "team" project genuinely required a team and couldn't be structured differently or the assignment simply given in a way that transparently reduces the profs workload and not at the expense of students, then it might be different, but usually people in that position realize success depends on actual group health and try to arrange things fairly to begin with. this whole thing is slipshod leadership and ignorance of group dynamics top to bottom
that the underlings turn around and try to sort themselves out just goes to show how programmed they are to obey and not question
The last time a professor assigned me to a team as an undergrad, I refused to do it. In grad school it hasn’t mattered as much because the students have been more motivated and the assignments have been structured so that it’s clear who is responsible for what and you’re still graded on your own work and not dragged into some bottomless pit by a howling idiot.
LSI: “I still can’t figure out Pinterest.”
Me: “It’s just, like, idea boards.”
LSI: “I don’t have ideas.”
ive been assigned a group for a group project presently and now im considering just asking the prof if I can do an entire "project" on my own. im tempted to see if he says no because he doesnt want to grade an additional project or if he's game. that its more work for me is not a big deal since having control more than offsets most of the increased labor, in my mind. my guess is the argument why I cant is its unfair because it "shorts" my team (it would leave 1 team with 2 people instead of 3). in which case I can just ask them if its ok, truth is they dont even want me, but theres this norm that is difficult to overcome which is getting everyone to admit 1) they don't even want me 2) teams don't need to hang together for their own sake. its a form of runaway politeness that if both ends are subject to it (teacher and group) theyre locked in even though no one really wants it or cares
I was visiting my LSE sister yesterday and she wanted to go out to eat and the only place open was an Olive Garden, so we went there.
Our server was a very, very attractive woman dressed all in black, but she had white white teeth and red red lipstick for a very dramatic effect. While she was getting our drinks, I told my sister that I thought I could tell what her personality was like, since 1. she vibed complexity a bit like me, 2. I found her intriguing and cautiously likeable but not sexually attractive even though she was beautiful, and 3. Wearing all black with a small red accent is a sign of LSI in my experience, but she was Fe all over the place, so EIE.
She returned, took our order, and asked if there was anything else that we needed. My LSE sister, who wears her hair very short, works in a lumber yard in Colorado, and looks butch as hell, said “You could join us.” Our server took a shocked step back, recovered, and took an instant dislike toward us and I thought “Uh oh, this needs to be fixed”. So I said “That would be nice but you probably have other tables to take care of.” And off she went while I started thinking about how to turn her attitude towards us around.
I figured that the best thing to do would be to act like her dual, an LSI, so when she returned to our table, I cut out the role-Fe and acted all stern and logical. Just the facts, Ma’am. I’m really working as a prison guard. I thanked her briefly and formally for the food and kept the smiles to a strained minimum. And by the end of the meal, she was moving past our table like a dramatic actress on stage and smiling when she moved away from us, so I guess that worked.
Last edited by Adam Strange; 10-01-2018 at 02:25 PM.
Go the acting Adam.
When I told one SLI H about socionics he was really interested for the reason that he could work out and act what everyone would want (I assume so as to get his way, as he was a very cheeky person). Scary to think what mayhem he would cause if he were able but thankfully he is very unintelligent and does not get things when I explain at all.
ESI-H. She has decided the course of action and the end result. I do not accept this.
We discuss and we both say inside of our minds "F*ck no" to each other. Everything goes peacefully with friction.
MOTTO: NEVER TRUST IN REALITY
Winning is for losers
Sincerely yours,
idiosyncratic type
Life is a joke but do you have a life?
Joinif you dare https://matrix.to/#/#The16Types:matrix.org
I think I just got off on the wrong foot with another LIE online. I thought he might have been ESE but we chatted about films for a bit the I went off line and he said he thought he had scared me away. i replied with some brash Ne self-revelatory crap about how i don't get scared away but I choose blah blah blah, then he said Oh dear no need to be so sensitive and took it badly. I apologised saying I didn't mean it that way but it was too late. note to self not everyone likes Ne!!!
Lol, @Guillaine. I would have said Ne was fine before you made that statement, but it made me realize that I think Ne is evil indecision and indicates an irresponsible failure to come to a decision. Good grief, I’m embarrassed at learning this about myself.
SEI girl. I guessed for her by a pendulum for yes/no in the 1st time in the life. Then I've offered her to guess herself on one too personal question. I've explaned her what to do.
Ne is the other side of Ni, functions of different E/I attitude work as partners.
Redundant indecision is the trait of S types, seen in them by N types which _feel_ the positive outcomes and trust more in them. This is hard for S types which prefer be assured from outside or avoid to think about the future, concentrate on the material world and needed to be done in now/here. Though as the external help S types may to use own guessings by tools - they use their own N functions which stay in the uncounsious.
Really? Lol! I can see how it could seem a bit blithering and dithery and often I find people think it is irrelevant/useless/confusing, that's why I try to lean the Fi in as well, but this time it came across as offensive, which I can understand, but I honestly wasn't meaning it that way.
PS I like your honesty and I still like you even if you don't like my base
Last edited by Guillaine; 10-13-2018 at 09:11 PM.
No, no. it wasn't offensive at all, and I certainly don't see you as blithering or dithery. Not at all. Your post just got me to thinking about Ne and how some people I know IRL use it. I concluded that they just refrain from making quick, seemingly final decisions, and indecision bothers me if there's too much of it. I like to have things settled.
(Maybe that's why Strat says that I and my dual close the distance fast - to get things settled.)
No, l have a pretty high opinion of and appreciation for all other types. I especially like IEE's, even though their approach to romance is completely different from mine. They are fun to hang out with. Lots of intelligent goofiness. I just have to be careful to not let it be obvious that I find them to be attractive, because I evidently do that wrong.
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