Convince me about my own thoughts
Hi all.
I study Socionics by a bit of time, and I would like to have your insights about my own typing.
I think I'm an ESI. But there are some behavior of mine that don't add up perfectly to the theory. Please, help me to make clarity in my thoughts.
1) R. Fi.
I dislike ambiguity in relationships. I need to define them, and to stick to these definitions. But, this not means the bonds for me are static or long lasting forever. They change, basing on what I do with the person (and the person does with me): can become deeper, can becoome lighter. Is an evolution through time and circumstances.
I think I'm Fi lead because I have my moral values and I can be judgemental with others if I see them doing things that go against my moral, also I can judge them by few actions like 'good people' or 'bad people' and stick with it till new elements come in (again, relationships for me are changeable). Also I'm loyal and devoted, especially to loved ones.
2) E. Fe.
I wouldn't say that I'm not an expressive person. Just, with the right company, in the appropriate moment... I like to kid myself for my errors and I make jokes about myself mostly. People that know me maybe can say I'm Fe. I help others, and I provide help mostly through concrete action. Is rare for me to abandon someone, even if circumstances for me are better if I leave them in their bad situation and go on. I can do that, but I try always to don't damage people if I can, and to offer compromises to show them that I helped them. (IDK if this depends by Fe or by enneagram: I dislike to be seen evil by others, I want appreciation).
But... I think that Fe is ignored in me because I make a lot of effort to understand social aspectations of me.
I can't get social reactions (I need actually someone that explains to me why I should react in some way or doing something to have a good social response by others towards me). I can't play with emotions and ispire others, but there are moments where others can affect my emotions... usually in positive (cheer people can help me to show my happiness) and really really rare, I can be influenced by negative emotions. WIth those, I try to rationalize them a lot, not because they influence me but because they disturb my inner state and don't allow me to think properly.
3) F. Se.
I like it a lot. My favourite characters in books and telefilm and also my favourite people in life have Se/Ni (or Ni/Se) axis in. I like people that makes things happen and dreams come true. I'm also confrontational. I'm not scared by F, is just that I use it for defense. My friends say that sometimes is like I don't understand the person is making a joke to me and I react with Se. Or, I debate a lot with people trying to convince them that I'm right, even if they don't want to change their minds (I perceive them like they don't understand my PoV). Also when there are problems in relationshipss I need to speak clearly and I search the confrontational approach.
But on the other hand, I don't use Se to take advantages. Or at least not so often. Because of that sometimes I can miss actions to do to acquire power... is just that, acquiring power is not my focus. My focus is to have a direct way to it if I need to use it. But is far better for me to act from the bottom to the top and challenge others and win, and then, just transfer powers to people that like to have it. For me is more important the struggle and the action to arrive that, not to take it.
4) S. Si.
This is controversial. If I'm really an ESI, Si would be stronger than Se. I like some moments of enjoy of life, but I see them like something between movements of action. Is ok to rest a bit, but then I need to put myself into a project again, or something active to do.
I have poor understanding of my body. I learned by cause-effect observation that when this happens in my body this is the meaning of... but it took me time, or I learned by doctor advice, or in internet... I also hurt myself and don't notice it.
I know some ESE, SLI and LSE and they are too much focused on the comfort part for me. They do a lot of stuffs to have pleasure reward and I think is not the reward I like... The reward for me is the victory after struggles, and meaning in actions I do. I'm happy when I align my desires with reality, when I work to make them real, and the path to arrive where I want to be... even if sometimes is really unclear. I have faith in the path
5) T. Ni.
Ni is described like extracting knowledge from the past patterns to have insights on the present moment and where it will lead. I think about past poorly. I mean, I know that there are some cycles in life and that if you look at history you can see them, but... you really need to look at history to understand? I mean, you can see with your eyes when a situation is turning in a bad direction. Or that is chaniging in some way. You should just understand if the consequences are permanent or not, and if the thing you are looking is just a case or is a trend. I think you need multiple observations to understand that, but still... you don't need to dig a lot in the past, just to look at things globally and understand.
I think I have +Ni in me, because I tend to perceive every modification of present toward future like a positive one, even if there are bad consequences in the here-and-now. I'm fascinated by contractions of reality, how things develop, tracking interactions of systems and how they impact each other, interconnections, global meaning and intersections. I loved SHerlock (BBC) when he said 'The world is woven from billions of lives, every strand crossing every other. What we call premonition is just movement of the web. If you could attenuate to every strand of quivering data, the future would be entirely calculable. As inevitable as mathematics.' and I strive to reach this kind of thinking. But I'm good at it? Not so much
6) I. Ne.
I don't think I'm a Ne person. I make a lot of parallelisms between different kind of subjects but you can see the line of reasonment that underline these connections... and are processes. If two things work similarly (or differently) they for me are linked. I haven't my mind full of ideas, I just make connections when I have things in front of me.
But I surprise me to use Ne when I have to make a definition, or when I have poor datas in a situation and I have to guess how it will develop... instead of basing me on the past I tend to do that. This is weird for an ESI I think. IDK why I struggle to understand how things will develop without having datas... maybe is this the reason why I developed a little Ne? IDK.
7) P. Te
I like Te but I'm not able to produce it by myself. Maybe I developed a bit, because I use always proved methods that worked in the past to reach a goal, and I'm also focused on how things work (I like to learn new scientific stuffs), but when I'm in a new situation I tend to be unsure of results because maybe there is some factor in this new situation that I'm not considering... so my guesses are always probable not super certain. Also I tend to don't cross my core values, even if the most logic thing to do is going against them.
On the other hand I memorize stuffs through processes and I surprise myself at thinking about how processes can affect other processes... this happens often. Also I like to teach other efficient ways to do stuffs, and I can be perceived a little bit arrogant in that. Also I tend to be aggressive in the explanation and defense of my thoughts, and I can't always think that what I say can hurt others.
8) L. Ti.
I don't think I have high Ti. I have not so many laws and I tend to perceive like 'immutable' just nature ones. I use Ti a bit in an academic approach on new stuffs. Or with people, when I notice a behavior that has different outcomes in different situations, I'm not satisfied with several explanations (one for each situation) I have to tie up them into the 'big cause' that push them to act with the same behavior in different situation. I refine my understanding collecting these datas, but not always I'm attentive to them... I can perceive them a little bit 'divided' somethime, especially because I have not a good memory.... and this makes me crazy. A lot. Because if I have datas all together in front of me obviously I'm more precise in my understanding of things and how they develop.
Laws in general are made to be broken for me. I tend to take them 'holistically', like I have to understand the core of the law, why it was given, and in which circumstances is better to follow or to broke up. I don't think high Ti users do that.
These are my main concerns. I think a lot of things points toward ESI and a lot against, but ESI could be the best approximate model that can work for me. What do you think?
Thanks a lot!
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Originally Posted by falsehope
