EIE-H x LSI-D insights needed (DCNH)
Hi. I've known about socionics for a few years, but I only discovered Gulenko's subtypes recently. Honestly, I’m a big fan—these subtypes actually clarified many misunderstandings I had with the whole theory before.
In short, I’m pretty sure I’m EIE-H (female), and my issue is that I would prefer to be with LSI-D rather than LSI-C.
Why? Well, first, they are just somehow more physically appealing (and I don’t mean looks, more like... tension?). Second, I trust them more. Third, they’re more polite. Lastly, with a D-subtype partner, I can actually pull myself together (for him, to appease him) and become more productive and reasonable.
I understand why Cs and Hs are supposed to be duals, but I struggle to see how it would actually be beneficial for me to be with a man of the creative subtype. He gets acceptance he might not get anywhere else, but what’s in it for me? The privilege of putting up with his instability and self-centeredness?
In my life, I’ve had three romantic relationships, unfortunately, all of them were benefit ones. If anyone asked me to describe an ideal man, I would describe an LSI every time, but my problem was very low self-esteem. I shouldn’t try to get an ideal man while not being an ideal woman — such was my brilliant logic. I typed myself as ILI for some time mostly because I thought LSI would be too good for me, thus it must be my benefactor. But after studying socionics more and a few breakups (all initiated by me because they just weren’t right), I realize I need to gather my courage and go for it, because I’m not going to settle for anything less and I am not Te-creative for sure.
I used to date ILE-C, SEE-D, and ILE-D (not counting single dates). The relationship with ILE-C was poor, while the two with D subtypes were really good. If I was more desperate, I could’ve stayed with them. Our biggest problems were in the bedroom (not rough enough for me, tho they really tried).
But I guess that with an LSI it won’t be so easy; those D subtypes were irrational, so they didn’t perceive me as sloppy or too little of a deliverer probably because of that.
I’m seeking insights about:
- How do D subtype men perceive H subtype women (what are the pros and cons)?
- Why exactly would N subtype be more appealing (how could they win with me so I could avoid that turn of events)?
- What in a harmonizer is actually beneficial for a dominant, so I don’t lose those traits while redesigning myself?
- How exactly does a dominant inspect me? Supervision is supposed to be repelling, but I don’t feel anything like that (okay, not with men; with female D-subtypes, perhaps there’s some discomfort). Maybe I like being inspected by my lovers?
Preferably from my dyad, but any help is welcome
In my personal experience, D-sub men kind of treat me like some fearsome, capricious divinity that must be appeased. No other subtype tries to please me that much. I don’t quite understand why they’re so afraid I won’t be pleased with them, even if I continue to praise.
I’ll add that I know one LSI-D quite well—my dentist, who has taken care of me since I was a child. No one has ever treated me more like a princess. He tries so intensely to keep me content that it’s awkward, as I’m always pleased with him (unfortunately, he’s 30 years older and married, so he can’t be mine. But I want the same!).
Ideally, I wouldn’t want to change my subtype; just improve in crucial matters to outperform N-sub rather than become one (I don’t like normalizers at all, so it would be a very sad situation if I had to play that role 1:1).
I know this is a bit evil, that I’m plotting how to get a less-than-perfect dual. In my defense, I’m really ready to improve for it—to make him pleased, even if it will be quite hard for me. I was raised by an ESI-N mom and an EIE-D grandma, so I know what a “clean house” means—I just don’t bother for myself. But if that’s what it takes, I’ll even close that stupid toothpaste tube :’) Tho I suspect that this matter is more complicated than cleaning…
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Originally Posted by Distance
