ISFj and Initiating Conversation

[Rebelondeck]

@Adam Strange Most ESIs seem to want to rule the roost while their partner protects them from the outside; the roost can be a work or home environment. They can defend themselves but are not great at it so prefer that others do it for them. They tend to have little respect for defencelessness even though they themselves may act defenceless to get what they want. They will certainly resent being thought of as inferior even though they may often think of themselves as such. They like strength that's not directed toward them - confrontation is certainly not their thing even though they have been known to blow up and attack out of the blue......

a.k.a. I/O

EDIT: Many have marital problems when their spouses spend more time home like in retirement, especially if they feel that their rule is being encroached upon.....

[Adam Strange]

@Adam Strange Most ESIs seem to want to rule the roost while their partner protects them from the outside; the roost can be a work or home environment. They can defend themselves but are not great at it so prefer that others do it for them. They tend to have little respect for defencelessness even though they themselves may act defenceless to get what they want. They will certainly resent being thought of as inferior even though they may often think of themselves as such. They like strength that's not directed toward them - confrontation is certainly not their thing even though they have been known to blow up and attack out of the blue......

a.k.a. I/O

EDIT: Many have marital problems when their spouses spend more time home like in retirement, especially if they feel that their rule is being encroached upon.....

Thanks, @Rebelondeck. Insightful as always.

I happen to agree with everything you said, except the "acting defenseless" part. I find that ESI's are usually neutral to strangers, cautiously friendly to people they know, but can get in little digs at people they don't like, and can completely stonewall people if they feel that they are in a defensible position. Their basic orientation is always entirely personal rather than impartially global.

I've noticed that ESI's tend to undervalue themselves, but openly resist the idea that they might be inferior. It's kind of weird to me. Mostly, I just ignore this behavior and value them for their strong points.

As for admiring strength, I think ESI's prefer to have a strong public face to present to, and "run interference" (American football term) against, the world, and that usually takes the form of LIE's, but other than that, they do just fine within their realms. They can be quite assertive and intimidating when they feel they are right.
But I do know one ILI university department head with a not-very-smart ESI secretary, and she basically runs him where ever she wants, but when he has to deliver bad news to someone, he has her come along as backup. It's kind of pathetic, to be honest. The guy should man up.

As for liking strength not directed at them, I'm reminded of @sbbds's comments about her hating to be chased. ESI's might like to have someone clear the way for them to have a prosperous, secure life, or like someone who can build a stable fort against the unpredictable outside world in which they can live, but I get the strong impression that they don't like to be Se pressured to do things.

The times when ESI's have momentarily fallen in love with me were when I was speaking to a group, laying out a plan for the future that included everyone. This isn't strength so much as it is leading a group to a mutually profitable goal through clearly directed foresight. I'm pretty sure that if I told one of them to jump at that moment, they'd still tell me to fuck off.

With regard to retiring to an ESI-controlled compound, that's not a problem for me. I don't plan to retire, and I have several places other than home where I can spend my time.

[Rebelondeck]

......except the "acting defenseless" part......... .

I did mean "acting" - them saying something like "You're so much better at that than me, would you do it for me...." when (along with all confident Ijs) they'll actually never acknowledge to themselves that you could ever be better.....

a.k.a. I/O