So, How to date a dual and do I have one or is duality a myth?

[Bethanyclaire]

@wonderwoman thank you for your kind words. I was feeling self-conscious about the posts I made recently in this thread (I wrote them when I was a bit sleep deprived, frazzled..and wish I had structuted my thoughts better). But yes, socionics is fascinating and it's only natural to let your mind get caught up in the idea of particular 'types' and what they can bring to your life and existence. I remember in earlier days of my socionics journey I once commented somewhere on the forum that 'it's important to think about the positive attributes of each type and our ITR with them'. Knowledege/ psychological knowledge is only really useful if it is helping you feel good about your place in the world and ability to navigate your way through it with integrity and/or comfort. This means getting on with people or at least accepting them and sometimes thinking about socionics too much can get in the way of that I think. Breaks from it are probably healthy. Anyways, I'm still a lil tired so chat more soon. I like your posts too I am going through a big ESI appreciation phase atm actually..! I feel I still have more to share on the forum..it's a great space for me to address some of my own long term trauma and I'm glad if some things I say can be helpful in reducing anxiety or feelings of lonliness for anyone reading them.

Hmm and yes I'm still intrigued by the idea of the 'imago'..the theory that people are often attracted to people who resemble a parent in some manner. I think people often end up with a 'type' similar to their parent's type. I fell madly in love with an SEI recently, although I have been attracted to duals in the past. My father is SLI and my mother is ESE and so I think being around the SEI reminds me of being around both parents..or something. Of course, we can form strong, loving passionate attachments with other types that don't resemble the type of our parents...perhaps you end up with a dual that resembles them in some manner for example. I do think that most people will choose a partner that they are most passionatley, instinctivley attracted to....regardless of type, when it comes down to it. I am thinking deeply about what I want at the moment...I still want the hottest, coolest person I can get....(with a 'decent' ITR..) maybe that's because I never had the chance to have that yet and I still need to get it out of my system haha. Maybe after a few passionate relationships (good or bad) you can be a bit more practical in your selection because you are able to be more realistic. You aren't driven by instincts so much anymore..because you have worked through those attachments or those parts of yourself that needed filling.

I guess it's true that some ITR do have a tendency to be less favourable..and it's good to avoid those..especially if you already struggle mentally.

edit: oh also....even though I have had a diffucult past and recently went through a horrible experience with the SEI I mentioned (messed me about and had to work with him for a long time) I swear that the experience with him will be the fuel that fires much art I will make in the future. It's almost like I needed that heart break to jolt the life back into me that somewhere disappeared when I was young..strange. I'm genuinely excited about making art in a way I haven't been since school. What better fuel for art than unrequited(?), unconsummated love with a lookalike who burrowed his way into your mind, made you feel loved, hated, exalted, despair..and come out the other end to make art that is passionate and heartfelt.. Somehow I don't think I was ever a person destined for life without at least a little bit of relationship drama (I grew up on Disney princesses and remember writing in a diary that 'I love Danny the prince' in a notebook around age 5, Danny being an SLI boy in my class haha, idealistic even then). Not saying you necessarily need relationship drama in your life to make good art...maybe you just need love...but I do think many people will be tempted by passion before they can find something adequately healthy, and also there is the fact young people are vulnerable and hurt each other through lack of experience/maturity and get into addictive, unhealthy patterns..but it can be something you learn from and that shapes you, it doesn't have to break you/ shape you..

P.S Yes Sex Education, singing, dancing, romance and tender, funny advice for teenage love and growth, excellent show..