So, How to date a dual and do I have one or is duality a myth?

[adage]

I may be misreading what you're intending to convey, but all of those things *are* important and also are not necessarily contradictory to duality.
The reason duality is the 'ideal' is because it's the type of relationship where couples do not have to compromise to the point of straining the relationship. This is because each partner knows exactly what the other needs, and can provide for them in the areas they are weak (or even help them grow), and in doing so the are able to communicate more effectively.

Conversely, a less favorable ITR means that communication becomes difficult, and each partner strains to deliver what the other desires.


But growing as a human being doesn't require duality at all, and in actuality, some people aren't even fit for duality if they aren't already in a healthy state of mind. Duality is often described as a relationship that has what 'you need' and not what you want. But if you don't know what exactly it is that you need, or if you are already getting what you need from other relationships (friends, family, coworkers, etc.) then by extension duality becomes less necessary. Moreover, duality is dependent on the couple still sharing the same life goals, attraction to each other, etc.

What I don't like is seeing is people who seem obsessed with the idea of duality and that it will magicaly fix everything if they find it. As you wrote, those people aren't even fit for duality anyway.
We pretty much have the same underlying idea. I just tried to convey this self-sabotaging part that happens a lot in the dating sphere around me; people so consumed by the search they keep going after the worse possible people or sabotaging what they have going well because it isn't as perfect as they had in mind.

Yeah, if people aren't able to grow on their own, they won't grow from a dual.
And, yeah, dating one ain't necessary.