So, How to date a dual and do I have one or is duality a myth?

[Scarlett]

So I had a bit of a sleepless night last night, but I had some thoughts I wanted to share. I’ve met up with a dual a couple of times recently and can’t tell if I like him. What came to me whilst lying awake, comparing the dual to the last person I liked..well I don’t know if the dual resembles my ‘imago’ enough (imago=someone like my dad). It’s a psychological theory that we are attracted to people like the parent of opposite sex, for security seeking reasons or something.

And then it suddenly came to me that I spoke to a guy on an app a few months ago (who I think is a dual) and I think I prefer him. I know I haven’t met him but well, I want to message him again. He has dark hair and eyes like guys I often go for, and there is something soulful and cheeky about his look. Like my dad, at his best. Maybe this imago stuff is important.

I think that Imago stuff is very important. The LSIs that I have dated both looked like my LSE mother when I was very young. Slender and short dark hair. I just have this magnetic attraction to women like this.

I’m currently dating a Dual who has long brown hair and she’s attractive, but intellectually so, not viscerally so.

My new hair cutter is a female LSI. Slender and dark-haired and single and unsuitable in every way that my two previous LSI GFs were, plus some, and I tell myself that I’m not going to go there in the slightest respect and yet I find myself looking at her, thinking No but feeling Yes, and I thank god I’m not entirely stupid.

Imago counts for a lot. It was one of the first layers of stone put down when the foundation was built, so it’s pretty important in determining how the building will go. But it’s not everything. It’s not fate, or necessarily even a good idea.

I'm not new to this imago stuff.
Like I said before, my type of guy is always an SLI or LSI, just like my LSE dad. And it will never change I guess. Let's see who I will end up with.
But all the "F" guys are never my type ever, ESI, SEE, IEE, EII (even though I realise there's this odd magnetic attraction every time I see an EII lol).

People usually don't fit their types to a T so your dual may not even be what you're hoping they will be. Sometimes those deviations can be positives though, too...so venturing outside of type matchmaking can be a positive thing.

Your dual isn't necessarily what you even want in someone. If I matched certain stereotypes about my type's leading function my boyfriend would hate it, lol. Then there's also the fact that my Socionics type is supposed to be conservative and traditional, but I'm strongly opposite of that and that was one of the main things that initially attracted us to each other in the beginning (and still does). We both prefer outside of the box thinking and being progressive because we value autonomy and independent thinking.

Duality just isn't necessary or important. What matters is simply finding a healthy relationship in which there is mutual love, trust, openness, and so on.

THIS.
I never think that a dual is what I want. It's quite the opposite I guess. I never want a feeling-person boyfriend, I don't want a too-chill-too-easygoing boyfriend, it's just not my type, all I want is someone dependable, logical, like my dad lol, I mean an SLI or LSI. These are my favourite types of boyfriend.

But I do realise a dual is what someone needs for comfort.

My mind’s going round in circles. Maybe, maybe I am simply comparing this current dual dude to the last guy I liked too much. Or he just wasn’t at his best the second time I saw him. Or maybe his look is just a bit different to what I go for. Yeah I should probably see him again. The first time I met him was years ago, in a club. He tried to dance with me, and I said no. (I didn’t want to hook up with anyone at the time, but I did sort of think..he seems ok though). So, there was some attraction. Then I got back in touch with him recently. Similarly to what you say @Adam Strange, there is possibly a good intellectual connection- we both like the same music so that’s quite a good thing and could be really fun to enjoy that together. Maybe there are more layers to peel..hmm

Haha
It's funny there's this ESI colleague, we've met like 3 times already (so he lives in another city) but the last 2 visits he missed me, my other colleagues said "Scarlet, ESI was looking for you" thingy, anyway last week we finally met again and just couldn't stop talking to each other. Lol. Like experiencing a dual relation, there's a sudden trust, and it's just really comfortable. He noticed one song on my playlist and he started telling me personal stories, I played another song and we tell each other another story. Haha. Yeah it's weird we're suddenly besties.


I'm seeing 2 other guys, an SLI and LSI, and I can tell you the connections are all different.

1. SLI (supervisor): I really like this guy, I kinda admire him, but he's too caring? I don't know. Asking so many detailed questions and he's like "you must be tired" sort of things. Don't you think I'm good and strong enough?
2. LSI (mirage): So interested in him --> comfort. Every time I meet an LSI-Se, I'm always interested in him, so many interesting things I can get from his dom-Ti haha. And then we get along really well.
3. ESI (dual): Comfort first --> now I'm interested. I have never been attracted to an ESI at the beginning, but we just get along really well. It's weird. We quickly trust each other, like we have met before, those sort of things. And then we get closer and find each other interesting.