So, How to date a dual and do I have one or is duality a myth?

[Bethanyclaire]

My IEE friend appears to have met a dual. She had been worried she would never meet someone and wouldn’t get to have kids.
To me, she is very normal and successful as a person. But she went through some difficult things in the last few years. We became close during the pandemic and I’ve told her bits and pieces about socionics, including mentioning that SLIs are often engineers. (This guy she’s dating used to be an engineer). I’m pretty sure a lot of the advice I’ve given her must have subconsciously sunk in and helped her filtering processes in selecting people. However, I think she is also quite fussy and had dated duals in the past. She also saw a therapist recently (private not NHS), who encouraged her to be less fussy but also not to go for ‘boring, safe’ types. And now she’s dating a dual and it all seems good.

[Bethanyclaire]

I think my grandparents might have been duals- an SLI who abused my IEE grandma. And I think my other grandma’s partner was her dual, yet she still had drinking problems. There were other factors of course. But the abuse had some knock on effect into my generation certainly. I’m mentioning this just to point out that dual couples can in some cases be unhealthy/not the holy grail.

[Bethanyclaire]

i wanted to highlight my post from a different thread so posting here as it relates to duality: What is your IQ? - Page 6 (the16types.info)

[one]

Except for my dual family members, I only meet Se leads unexpectedly when I don’t even wanna be there. Idk I don’t want to hate on this ITR exactly by putting bad associations but my thought regarding those experiences is always that it was ok but I wish I just never stepped out of the house that day.

Idk if it’s just because I’m Ni lead though and super introverted. So I would only care going out if I need to do some errand or I’m with someone I know. I also prefer sticking with people I’m close to like someone I have already have deep feelings with or has the potential for that. But the latter would only happen if I lowkey choose them because then I would step up and actually talk, but I don’t get the feeling of wanting to connect when I’m outside of my familiar territory.

[Bethanyclaire]

Except for my dual family members, I only meet Se leads unexpectedly when I don’t even wanna be there. Idk I don’t want to hate on this ITR exactly by putting bad associations but my thought regarding those experiences is always that it was ok but I wish I just never stepped out of the house that day.

Idk if it’s just because I’m Ni lead though and super introverted. So I would only care going out if I need to do some errand or I’m with someone I know. I also prefer sticking with people I’m close to like someone I have already have deep feelings with or has the potential for that. But the latter would only happen if I lowkey choose them because then I would step up and actually talk, but I don’t get the feeling of wanting to connect when I’m outside of my familiar territory.

What about dating apps?

I think some duals meet at work..

hm yeah I think some people just feel a pull to another type, like if you don’t have an IP best friend you might want an IP lover etc, some people want a familiar feeling..

[anotherperson]

duality is for personal development. if you want to rely on ITR, duality isnt the best for marrying anyway. It's better for a freindship or teacher or work colleague.

you wanna get married and stay married, youre better off w activator. Activators ignoring is your POLR , so the likelihood of conflict is quite low. Ofc , you wont improve the POLR as much as a dual , but thence duality is better for productive relations like i mentioned before. Even aushra said that one advantage of activator is a greater degree of support then duality

[BrainlessSquid]

duality is for personal development. if you want to rely on ITR, duality isnt the best for marrying anyway. It's better for a freindship or teacher or work colleague.

you wanna get married and stay married, youre better off w activator. Activators ignoring is your POLR , so the likelihood of conflict is quite low. Ofc , you wont improve the POLR as much as a dual , but thence duality is better for productive relations like i mentioned before. Even aushra said that one advantage of activator is a greater degree of support then duality

I've dated an activator a while back, and it was pretty easy to start and the good moments were hella good. The thing is, as the name implies, activating too much. After some time together, we would get tired of each other emotionally and had to take a break. It was the easiest to start but we also had pretty common meh moments after getting overactivated.

Duality on the other hand will give you moments of relaxation and moments of activation, so it's like a swinging pendulum and closer to "life"'s rhythm, so you can actually treat the relation as another reality/dimention/universe

I'd say activation is better if you value feeling a whole completely separate individual with own life separate from the other.
Duality usually leads to meshing together and integration, being dependant on each other, etc.

I really think at this point that any relation can work, the thing is, each ITR is better suited for different needs and expectations.

[one]

What about dating apps?

I think some duals meet at work..

hm yeah I think some people just feel a pull to another type, like if you don’t have an IP best friend you might want an IP lover etc, some people want a familiar feeling..

I got banned then I didn’t care for it anymore. To be fair I’m not really into apps

VI-wise I have a hunch that an SEE guy actually became my coworker, but he left super quickly. To be fair it’s a wfh set up, not much engagement and everyone does things at their own preferred time so you can’t expect people to be always “on” socially though everyone’s amiable. We do meetings but we don’t even care to turn on our cams. It’s perfect for me but not for others. He looks like someone who is more out there or something.

If I would meet my duals it’s probably ideal that we have the same interest, otherwise idk. I thought about this, like why am I not doing anything if between me and my dual I have the knowledge to position myself to meet them but more than anything I guess it’s the question of will my effort actually amount to anything substantial, like if I actually interact with one will the difference in contentment be that high to match what I put in, because as someone like me putting effort is a big deal. I don’t think so atm since I’m pretty comfortable so I guess that’s the biggest blockage. Idk I guess it’s also a factor that I’m just too easy to please lol like what else do I need that I cannot provide or buy. I have no lofty desires. I wonder if it’s just the nature of this duality. I assume my duals are holding themselves ok without me too. I guess I’m not that mature and old to actually need it. Worst case scenario I can take the L and regret when I’m already in my 30s.

But of course that is not to say that I do not see the benefits of one. For example, I notice when interacting with people I can be distrustful of them, or something they would say or do I would be super confused by. Some people just plain annoy me or destroy the peace I have so I disengage after a while. Sometimes I think they’re too cold. Or too boring. Sometimes I think their approach is not enough like they should be closer by this point and attacking already, I’m not getting why they are not doing it. Maybe the annoyance someday would be that big to make me finally move.

[Tallmo]

And shockingly I see a lot of LTR conflict relations. I mean marriages of decades that are conflict!

I dont believe you. Ive never seen a conflict marriage relation. Lots of duals. Quadra. Semidual.

Sometimes supervision business benefit. And only one superego.

You'll have to post a video of a conflict couple.

[Spermatozoa]

I dont believe you. Ive never seen a conflict marriage relation. Lots of duals. Quadra. Semidual

Sometimes supervision business benefit. And only one superego.

You'll have to post a video of a conflict couple.

If what I've seen is any indication, mating patterns are anything but random. People tend to reliably end up in Duality, Semi-Duality, Illusion or Supervision type relationships. While Contrary and Activator relationships are easy to start, both of them seem to end badly.

The other combinations appear to be unusual.

[Tallmo]

If what I've seen is any indication, mating patterns are anything but random. People tend to reliably end up in Duality, Semi-Duality, Illusion or Supervision type relationships. While Contrary and Activator relationships are easy to start, both of them seem to end badly.

The other combinations appear to be unusual.

Activation is also common in marriages (LSI+IEI etc). All quadra relations are.

But conflict, no

[Adam Strange]

I dont believe you. Ive never seen a conflict marriage relation. Lots of duals. Quadra. Semidual.

Sometimes supervision business benefit. And only one superego.

You'll have to post a video of a conflict couple.

My LSE-Te sister and her IEI husband have been married for many years. They don't seem to even like each other at this point, but stay together because he likes stuff and doesn't like to work, and she earns a lot and likes being married to him.

She was very verbally abused as a kid and he was the youngest male of a bunch of very manly males and was used to being pushed around as a kid. My theory is that they found each other to be the perfect persons to reproduce their childhoods.

[Tallmo]

Conflict are always the same. E3 or E8 LIE with SEI E9. I know of 3 couples like this IRL. The SEI is always a E9.

You might have mistyped them and they are maybe actually duals.