Originally Posted by
Olimpia
I've never been as attracted to an LII as they were to me. I cannot ever see it happening. I'm also the Ni subtype, so when a guy is Se PoLR, it will be rather unattractive to me on a romantic basis. It is not repulsive, but it is simply a clear lack of romantic interest. LIIs are strictly great "mind partners" for me, in the sense that the mental connection can be quite good, better than with any other type possibly. But only getting mental stimulation is not enough for a romantic relationship for me (in other words, I am not "sapiosexual" enough for that); that's better for friendship.
I know of several IEI-Fe people dating LIIs however, and it seems like several of them do get married. (I find subtype matters quite a lot in Benefit, and probably in Supervision too – it creates a bridge between the types and slightly outweighs the imbalance. The subtype of the Benefactor and Supervisor both seem to matter more.) I know of an IEI-Fe female who's been married to her LII-Ti husband for a rather long time, and she seems happy enough. She once talked about her struggles with the LII some time into the relationship; I'm assuming she had to get over the fact that her husband won't fulfill certain expectations she has, etc.
I find it interesting to note that all longterm Benefit marriages I have known or observed were with a female Benefactor (and usually matching subtypes). It's typically women who've had negative experiences in the past, and/or who feel more comfortable being with a guy who's unlikely going to leave them because of the asymmetric dynamic. Often it is said that the one who cares more has the power, and that is certainly the case with the Benefactor; the Beneficiary cares more, so the Benefactor has more power. I am assuming that when a guy is the Benefactor, he's more likely going to tire of it and his eyes will wander, and that's why there aren't too many long-term Benefit relationships with a male Benefactor.
Anyhow, I do think that Benefit marriages can and do work. It typically requires a female Benefactor, matching subtypes, and being able to accept and overlook the Beneficiary's shortcomings.
When it comes to me being a Beneficiary, I surely have been attracted to a good share of ESIs in the past. It never lead to anywhere (with the guys). I've also had several ESI female friends and acquaintances. The ESIs usually positioned themselves as someone who knows better than I do or who has more/better experience than I do, or who's my protector in a way and takes me under their wing at certain moments. It is not uncommon for some ESIs to find me somewhat silly or not particularly worthy of attention at first. Two ESI 9 friends have just discarded me once I did "something wrong" in their eyes... I do feel the imbalance on some level. I often admire them more than they admire me. Since I have become aware of this dynamic, I've become more critical of ESIs and I don't really crush on them anymore, for the most part. It would be kind of doomed anyway.