Superego block - Fe
Superego block - Fe
Last edited by Shytan; 07-17-2017 at 08:19 AM.
C-EII-INFj 4w3 Sx/sp 479
^^^^ In a nutshell, abandon yourself to please another person. Also, baiting sounds, exactly: unhealthy as you describe. That poor LSI, first lured in and then deceived by methods that don't turn out to be the real deal aka something that he can genuinely love. That ain't good for both sides. Come on. Making someone fall for you... you need a good Harry Potter potion there. I suggest talking, and seeing what happens. If you click, good. If stuff doesn't work out even if you'd love to be with an LSI, face reality squarely and strongly even if illusions are quite bittersweet, I know that.
Shaebette, Shaebette. You know this is not going to end well. However, in the interests of increasing the general level of knowledge, if you want an LSI, I would suggest that you show kindness and generosity to someone they know is struggling, show a lot of emotion (Fe) to them, and don't be aggressive.
There is actually a thread on here by an LSI about how they feel about every type. You might want to read that, especially the EII part.
*Whoops* No. silke deleted her translation. It was here: http://www.the16types.info/vbulletin...10#post1136410
I linked it below.
Now, if you succeed in attracting his love, don't say you weren't warned if it all goes wrong.
http://translate.google.com/translat...F17500-0-.html
http://www.the16types.info/vbulletin...-by-Shahrazada
Also, this woman might be LSI-Se, and might have some advice. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sa0RUmGTCYY
Good luck, no matter what happens.
What you plan to do is exactly the kind of things that make them mad. LSIs are Fe suggestive but also Ni HA and this is a very unvalued Ni/Fe behaviour. You are basically trying to trick an LSI into a relatonship that you know is bad for him...
I would suggest you to forget that guy and to try to seduce a Delta ST that whould actually appreciate all that Fi you can give out; but you'll do what you want.
That being said, EIEs are just genuinely happy to be demonstrative, upbeat, funny (or whatever other ways their Fe dom/ Ne dem manifests itself) around LSIs for the only reason that they like the way they react to it. If you can mimic that while not being butthurt about their low fe/ unvalued Fi and more importantly by their Se crea (since you selftype as Se polr) then you win. Good luck.
Last edited by YXPR; 04-28-2017 at 03:05 PM.
baiting guys for the sake of satisfying your need for attention is a no-no: what if he falls in love with you? you'll have a jealous possessive LSI on your hands!
if you are determined to go through with this: be a sassy queen bee even if for a day, imitate their Fe-leading dual for them
- discuss relationships and feelings in small doses, LSIs are Fe suggestive and they are impressesed by this - it will seem like they aren't paying attention but they silently will be, don't overload
- give him compliments, show him that you admire how "awesome" he is
- always warn them ahead of time of where you're doing and what you're doing to do
this has some interesting pointers: http://www.the16types.info/vbulletin...Stratiyevskaya
@Chae @Adam Strange @yeves @YXPR I think you misunderstood what I meant by bait. I'm not luring him for attention or self-validation. Not at all. I have liked him for quite a while now, and my overthinking has led me to believe that he'd probably like me better if I acted more like his dual? An Sx/sp tendency to try and transform themselves in order to attract a mate,I think ? I swear I am not acting vain, or self-centered. I do understand though that I should be myself and see if he likes me the way I am, instead of trying to change myself for a person.
Perhaps I should just give up on something that I know would be damaging in the long run. Superego relations are not very healthy and I guess I should come to terms with that
C-EII-INFj 4w3 Sx/sp 479
Trying to change yourself to please someone else (beyond restraining yourself from outright killing them, which is one way that changing yourself usually makes them happier) is usually a bad bet. It is just too hard to keep up the facade, and they will feel cheated when you revert.
To say nothing of the fact that they won't be giving you what you subconsciously need.
On the other hand, it is fine to engage in damaging relationships for a while. You can learn so much.
-Adam "Fail faster" Strange
Maybe you won't regret it. I was in a relationship with my (socionics) Supervisor for many years, and I certainly don't regret it. Same with my Mirage partner(s). I only regret one relationship, and that was so brief that it wasn't that bad. As for the rest, even knowing what I know now, I'd still repeat them. No regrets whatsoever.
They all contribute to a greater appreciation of what my next relationship will be.
You are worth more than a relationship that requires you to constantly act like someone you are not. If socionics teaches you one thing it is that there are plenty people on this planet who will like for your true self and I don't think you should settle for less than that. You don't necessarily have to go after your dual, but chasing a super-ego really isn't worth it in my opinion.
Superego relations are fun until you start resenting him for what you've known all along: you can't be yourself around him.
It is tempting to see the potential in that and how you guys can eventually grow to appreciate what the other has to bring to the table, but it is far more healthier for you to just seek out someone who values what you do naturally.
Save yourself the headache, you will feel unappreciated. You deserve someone who loves what you have to offer without you having to convince him!
Type isn't everything and it doesn't define you, but you will have to alter yourself for someone else, and that's just not fair to you. What is worth that? Nothing.
This is so true! I cannot stress this enough. Thanks!
I felt this way 100% with an IEE guy years ago. Initially I was fascinated and the attraction was off-the-charts (thanks to the fact he was close to my Imago and/or my dad, a fellow type 3 Delta). Eventually I became painfully aware of how I could not be myself with him, that he would not truly value the "real" me, that I was trying to be something I wasn't. Also, I foresaw we'd be miserable or dissatisfied in a relationship together. I could tell we did not really value the same things in a way; now I can tell it was the fact he valued Ne,Fi,Si,Te and I did not. (Ofc there were also other factors that influenced us negatively.)
I have felt like needing to change for someone else with many other types; this feeling is stronger the less compatible our types are. With Deltas, I feel it the most. After that, Fi valuing types. I remember trying to be more like an LIE and collect some facts for ESIs I liked, it didn't work too well either. And with an LIE, I tried to be a bit more aggressor-like similar to an ESI, but that was tricky, too. All the time, it would feel off and like something wasn't "clicking". And in the back of my mind, I knew all those interactions would be temporary. You cannot really hold up the mask forever, eventually your arm gets tired. Sooner or later, the mask will slip, and they will face the real you. What then? You will just put on the mask again? It is really not worth it. Just find someone you don't have to wear the mask around with.
Now regarding the OP, it looks like they have a crush and won't listen much anyway?
In that case, just fake being like an EIE and see what happens. Maybe it works, but eventually it will stop working, and you are back at square one.
If you are bored, go for it, I suppose. Just try to not break his or your own heart too much in the process.
This reminds me of the times I was after other IEEs and ESIs (and technically also into ESEs, but that doesn't count because they are just distant celeb crushes haha). Because I had a crush, I was more open to "something happening", even though in the back of my mind I knew it would not really work with us, even if we started dating. Thankfully, those particular guys did not go for me (due to various reasons, like being already taken or gay etc). Which is fine; I could indulge in the fantasy of possibly being with them, but I did not actually have to go through the hardship of a messy breakup in the future. (Tbh, on some unconscious level I was seeking out guys who'd not go for me, probably due to my attachment style.)
That makes me wonder...
@everyone who dated all those "incompatible" people in a Socionics sense; would you date that same person again and go through all the pain again etc. if you went back in time and had the choice not to go for it, knowing it would turn out this way?
Yes. A lot of good came from those relationships. In fact, some of the best things in my life came from those relationships.
@Cassandra, since you have Ni, I'm sure you are aware of how changing one thing in your life can change everything else. Maybe for the worse.
This is actually why I don't try to change people. I just wait for them to figure it out on their own. (If I get impatient, I might drop some hints that there is an area they might want to look at.)
There were many times during my marriage when I found myself wishing that my SLI ex would be a bit different in some small way, but I never mentioned that to her, because that thought was closely followed by the knowledge that changing one small thing for the better might result in a much larger change somewhere else for the worse.
I see.
I expect most people not to change much at their core. When there is someone who I am not into now, I'll let it be. There are people who are in love with the potential idea of a person: "If only... then..." They'll date them, hoping they'd change, but it never happens. I am not like that. I do gauge how someone will develop in the future and whether I'd be on board with that or not – whether it would be an improvement to them as a person and our potential relationship. However, if I did not like them enough already as they are in this moment, I would not go for it. I find it rather detrimental to love someone only for what you think they should or could be.
Having said that, supposedly it can be very beneficial if people see the best in each other. To some extent, this is a positive illusion, but one that is not grounded on wanting to change someone or feeling like they'd only be good enough if they were different.
So yeah, I never attempt to change anyone. Most people won't change at their core, and their bad habits can only be changed when they want them to change. Once a guy who was interested in me figured out I wouldn't date someone who was addicted to smoking cigarettes or drinking, so he tried his best to limit his consumption of those things. I did not tell him to do that, he did that on his own accord. I knew it would not make much of a difference, that it wouldn't last, and I was not interested in him in that way anyway. I am rather sure he tried giving it all up mainly because of me; he tried to "change for me". Needless to say, it didn't work out. He eventually started drinking and smoking again, and that was that.
Personally, I am much more tempted to change myself to appease another person. But it is really exhausting. I cannot keep it up for too long. And on some level, it is psychologically painful. It is almost like selling your soul to the devil, hoping he'd love you for doing so. But at the end, your soul is gone and the devil values you even less than before because you entirely gave yourself up for him, lacking in self-worth and -respect.
This sounds about right. What scares me about myself, though, is that my tendency to try and change myself to merge with someone actually leads to a permanent transformation. My core, as you said, remains the same but traits that I developed stay incorporated within me. I become a product of my core as well as what the people I loved expected from me. However, I only change myself to what I find pleasant in their expectations, I cannot and will not force myself into something that I do not want to be, If that even makes sense.
C-EII-INFj 4w3 Sx/sp 479
That was a great article you linked to, @Cassandra.
It explains some things I have been wondering about recently. Particularly, why I'm attracted to a particular female.
Thanks.
Alright. Here goes. I don't think there's anything wrong with dating non-duals. There's a chance things could blow up in your face or his face but things could turn out fine as well. I don't know much about LSI men, but for myself I become more interested in someone if they show interest, show affection, and are extroverted. In my past experience I have not gotten along well with delta NFs, not at all, except for my sister but I still get pissed off at her sometimes. What you want to avoid doing (no matter who you are around) is trying to act like another type, be the type you already are. You could be someone's dual and that still doesn't mean they will like you. I suggest lining up some potential delta STs in case your plans fall through. Good luck.
LSI-Se 836 Sp/Sx
Just don't be a dude; be warm, friendly, and feminine. Assuming he's already physically attracted to you (99% of the work), that's it.
Same, I'd probably not even notice you through your behavior @Shaebette, unless you were hot ofc, but I think I would simply be bored by your type as a whole. Can't seem to shake the fact that I love my extraverted bubbly overly social girls lol.
wtf i hope you're jokin
Actually, I'd say 9s have the weakest sense of personal identity in comparison to all other types.
(That probably partly explains why 9s often date or are friends with 4s who are much more identity-focused than them; and that can be attractive to 9s.)
And I am not alone with this view:
^ All of this seems to apply to your friend rather well.Nines can have the strength of Eights, the sense of fun and adventure of Sevens, the dutifulness of Sixes, the intellectualism of Fives, the creativity of Fours, the attractiveness of Threes, the generosity of Twos, and the idealism of Ones. However, what they generally do not have is a sense of really inhabiting themselves—a strong sense of their own identity.
Ironically, therefore, the only type the Nine is not like is the Nine itself. Being a separate self, an individual who must assert herself against others, is terrifying to Nines. They would rather melt into someone else or quietly follow their idyllic daydreams.
If she is not 9 core, then surely at least 9 fix.
EIIs usually have a good sense of morality (good meaning well-developed, not necessarily "good").
Adapting to people to the degree your friend has is mostly characteristic of Type 9 and/or Fe ego.
So... My guess is, your friend is either EII 9 or xEI 9 or xEI 4 with 9 fix.
But of course I do not know your friend; I am basing this typing just on what you have talked about.
Yes she have a 9 fix, as I said before. Her motivation, though, is not loss or separation, its a problem with self identity, acceptance and significance. When she has been confronted by her boyfriends about it, then she goes with: If you dont like me leave me... and stuff like that.
Though, I dont do friends with 4, she's a childhood friend and thats why I kept in contact with her, I dont see identity focused people as attractive, I find attractive people who shine, are fun, strong and secure of themselves (at least at certain level). Like 3s.
About friends I've this infp 9 male friend who never on his life has had problems with self identity (as 9 are indeed), he is just really peaceful, conflict avoidant, he's kind of lazy and messy, and he have a deeper view of the world (that some 4s lack because they are focused on themselves and own personal conflicts), he sees the world through a much more philosophical/spiritual perspective, I can spend hours and hours talking with him about stuff, like politics, religion and more stuff that is not focused on him or his own identity, and nothing like wanting to adapting my view or other peoples views or traits to him... again 9s doesnt have problems with identity. I can have a deep pleasant relationship with him because we can share stuff in deep personal level... something that most of the times I cant do with 4s because the reasons that I've already mentioned.
9s and 4s are completely different beings.
I'm not criticizing 4s by the way or saying that all 4s are exactly like my friend, I'm just sharing my experiences and point of view.
"All nations will place their hope in him."
(Mt 12:21)