Quote Originally Posted by Cosmic Teapot View Post
Not all SLI's are the same so not everything will apply.
Don't make them sing in the car with you. Don't expect them to participate in funny group photos where everyone makes faces or poses. That feels so unnatural and embarrassing when everyone sees how uncomfortable they(SLI's) are about it. They are painfully aware of their social shortcomings. The last thing they want is attention from many people at once when they are making Fe mistakes.
Don't force them to have fun. They will come over on their own once they feel like it.

SLI's have their own opinions and thoughts - they won't care how it comes off to others and don't expect them to tone down what they say. When they're emotionally intelligent they will know when they can be "themselves" (especially when when Fe-egos are around) and when not. When you start to lecture them about tact, they can become sulky or passive aggressive.

Keep in mind that there is a lot going on beneath the surface and they will only share when you've earned it. You earn it by respecting their opinions and independence. You are free to share you own opinions about anything without worrying how the SLI feels about it.

You and your Fe are appreciated (laughter, jokes, caring attitude) but don't give them too much attention. ESE's have some kind of habit where they look/wait for a reaction and might interpret some "signals" that are designed for LII wrong. SLI don't need to be looked after like an LII and can talk for themselves. When they don't talk there is a reason and SLI's don't want or need encouragement.
If they don't like someone, they don't like that someone. No discussion.

When you are on a trip or spent a lot of time together, they might disappear to be alone for a while. They need that and it doesn't mean that they don't like you.
When they say thank you they mean it. Their way of expressing gratefulness can be insufficient for you but they really don't know what else to do or to say.
They can be random. Like weird noises, crude jokes, plain ridiculous stuff where you think "he/she can't be serious" and they probably aren't. An Ne-Dom would be amused but in case you're not, don't stare at them. Play along. When SLI's do that they begin to open up and trust you with their hidden weirdness.

When they are moody leave them alone.
SLI's don't show their emotions for a number of reasons. Firstly they are bit afraid how it comes off
(that varies from SLI to SLI and depends on how much they have to do with Fe-egos and people in general)
When they make mistakes like talking to much at once, to high voice, weird laughter, too confrontational, too unfriendly - whatever - please don't stand there in shock. If you want to help them cover them. Make a joke. Show them that it's ok.

Even when they come off as unfriendly to you, keep in mind that they have deep feelings and affection inside. Sometimes there is so much going on that it's a real piece of work to keep it all hidden. So when they're unusually quiet don't poke them or you'll get a waterfall of emotions. Give them space. When you're asking what's wrong there is a chance that they'll interpret it as ignorance or blindness to their problems

edit, exaple:
We have loud neighbors. The apartment behind the wall of my bedroom has three kids and a baby. In the apartment below us are three more kids. I react very sensitively to noise and lack of sleep because these kids seem to be awake 24/7. After weeks of nearly no or bad sleep I was so exhausted and moody that I nearly exploded when she asked what's wrong. The problem is that I told her a dozen times that these neighbors are killing me but she won't understand it because she can't hear it from her bedroom. To me it was obvious why I felt so bad. She acts as if its not a big deal and that makes me sad and angry at the same time.

SLI's are not coldhearted and when you allow them to be themselves you might see a very sweet and passionate side of them.

This perfectly describes my hubby. Perfectly.

*hugs this post*