Duality When Unhealthy

[Saoirse]

oh um you're not communicating the agreement the right way; and, you should probably look into another inter type relations. I think that unless an EII is going against the self image of the LSE (like calling them LSE when they think of themselves another type) EII has the key, the way of finding the right language and approach to others.

Also, I'm saying this because EII are harmonizers in relationships and don't like arguments typically.

You're right, I absolutely abhor arguments. That's why I hate that he always picks fights with me. We only argue for hours because we are duals, I think. I don't argue with anyone except at a very close psychological distance, which could only be achieved by this guy through his Te/LSEness (and his love of some of my EII traits, such as my moral certainty, reliability, non-judgmental nature, openness to new ideas, and understanding of him--in retrospect, it's odd he said I understand him so well, considering he doesn't seem to think I understand anything else well--but I suppose that's the only area where he can first-hand experience my Fi and confirm for himself that it's correct).

I rather did have the key to him, in the sense that I used to do exactly what you said in terms of handling his penchant for picking fights. But as @sockpuppet pointed out, it was torture, and he never was more receptive even after he had some time to calm down. Even if you have the key to everyone, you don't necessarily enjoy using it, and I don't think there is a duty to keep using it on people who don't even appreciate it.

It's interesting that the tendency has been to suggest that my experience with him is not duality. I understand the inclination to doubt others' typings (I personally doubt others' typings a lot, lol), but I'm confident that I am EII and he is LSE--he has lead Te and creative Si out the wazoo.

Sorry to have hijacked the thread a bit, but at least this is a pretty detailed example of what the OP was asking about! Ultimately I agree with @GuavaDrunk and @Rebelondeck. Maturity/mental health is very important.

Edit to clarify what I think we mean when we say "key": having the key to harmonize relations in the moment is not the same as having the key to change someone for the better. We can advise our LSEs/friends in general as best we can, but it is up to them to listen to the advice. EIIs are especially bad at coercing others into doing what they say, after all.

[bolong]

You're right, I absolutely abhor arguments. That's why I hate that he always picks fights with me. We only argue for hours because we are duals, I think. I don't argue with anyone except at a very close psychological distance, which could only be achieved by this guy through his Te/LSEness (and his love of some of my EII traits, such as my moral certainty, reliability, non-judgmental nature, openness to new ideas, and understanding of him--in retrospect, it's odd he said I understand him so well, considering he doesn't seem to think I understand anything else well--but I suppose that's the only area where he can first-hand experience my Fi and confirm for himself that it's correct).

I rather did have the key to him, in the sense that I used to do exactly what you said in terms of handling his penchant for picking fights. But as @sockpuppet pointed out, it was torture, and he never was more receptive even after he had some time to calm down. Even if you have the key to everyone, you don't necessarily enjoy using it, and I don't think there is a duty to keep using it on people who don't even appreciate it.

It's interesting that the tendency has been to suggest that my experience with him is not duality. I understand the inclination to doubt others' typings (I personally doubt others' typings a lot, lol), but I'm confident that I am EII and he is LSE--he has lead Te and creative Si out the wazoo.

Sorry to have hijacked the thread a bit, but at least this is a pretty detailed example of what the OP was asking about! Ultimately I agree with @GuavaDrunk and @Rebelondeck. Maturity/mental health is very important.

Edit to clarify what I think we mean when we say "key": having the key to harmonize relations in the moment is not the same as having the key to change someone for the better. We can advise our LSEs/friends in general as best we can, but it is up to them to listen to the advice. EIIs are especially bad at coercing others into doing what they say, after all.

The LSE-EII pair are both pedantic, which might explain why you can argue for hours. Though EII is very non-confrontational but in the same situation an IEI or other IP would not push the issue, out of lack of stamina/caring