How can someone get your attention?

[Chae]

Trying to find out whether that may or may not be geared to one's dual

 

If someone deliberately tries to get my attention, I will do the opposite of what they want me to do, aka notice them fully like a good senpai. So that, in any way, does not really work. A guy or gal could wave a huge hello flag in front of me, I wouldn't be interested. You want to come into my life? Behold the Beatles: Let it be. It has to be the other way around. I know when someone is showing off instantly, I renounce it. I mean, they can show what they got, but not in a way of dramatically strutting past my table cracking loud jokes or something Screaming around, fake laughter, practical jokes, also a no. Or, handling me physically out of nowhere, no no no. The latter has to happen out of request.
Very well, the person can subtly get my attention by being their somewhat mysterious selves. If they ignore me here and there, all the better. As in, avoiding eye contact but I later catch them looking at me. Generally, they have to stay out of my business initially, I don't approve of someone interfering unless I ask for assistance. If they then can execute or explain something well, superb, I'll get back to them.
When this person is silent, snarky, shy, insecure, cold-blooded, loner-ish, the senpai awakens In the past, I've largely dedicated attention to people of that kind who gave off a slightly condescending vibe for a long time, I just wanted to know what they are about. I need that to keep me on my toes because I am constantly figuring persons of interest out. When they get in my face, the entire "riddling" is spoiled. I need to go like, "What are you hiding... What are you like in private... Why are you like that..." as that keeps me focused. So if I don't know what they are up to, they are not an open book, I am intrigued. They could even be completely insensitive, I perceive people who are super nice to me as suspicious, I sense ulterior motives. A slightly ill-tempered person will always be honest and direct without concealing what they want, they get straight to the point. I find that very appealing.

Talking about appeal, here's an important detail: I have a veeeery weird type of radar for well-dressed people. It's not their body I want to check out from head to toe, it's what they are wearing. I can tell from a mile away if someone has an outstanding style. I've fallen for people who wore very tasteful soft sweaters, for instance. I just imagine cuddling up to them, it's rather creepy but I can't help it. Large winter jackets with fake fur collars, some aesthetic print shirts, suits, stripes, ripped jeans, bomber jackets, all that stuff, I just have to look and wonder what such a stylish person is like. Especially, when I see some sophisticated or edgy shoes - instant attention. I've spent entire seminars stealing glances at the girl's black boots next to me, I got so excited because of how perfect it looked <3 On the other hand, when someone wears mismatched or overly flashy things (anything neon, yellow), I ignore them to spare my poor idealistic eyes If my attention wants to be actively seized - unlike through a subdued demeanour as described in the paragraphs above - the person has to pick out their outfit well, I /will/ notice.

Long story short: an enigmatic staying-in-my-lane personality that leaves me constantly wondering is what catches my eye. Good taste in clothing is also an attention grabber.

(NSFW for some later sections in the thread)

[ashlesha]

ive never really thought about it. je ne sais quoi, I guess, but that's not a great answer.

seeming quietly clued in to the pervasive bs in the environment (a snobby answer, and i don't know how to put it in a tangible way).
mirroring me/appearing nonverbally receptive to my presence.
and being a little um, quirky, if in a good way (imo).

[Anglas]

tits

[Adam Strange]

tits

Yeah, definitely tits.

[Kalinoche buenanoche]

i'd say people who are are helpful , socially aware without productizing it (more like means to an end) and possibly have a certain brand of steadiness/level-headedness

attention-seeking-ness can be endearing

[Chae]

tits

Same



Now for real... you'd need a 24/7 attention spam, and all your achievements would be invalid because you were so distracted

[DirectorAbbie]

To get my attention, they need to be different. (That's probably obvious.) Not as in look different (though that's okay), and not stand out in a obvious way. I don't like to compete for attention, so if they get many people's attention, they're more likely to lose mine. Talking about dogs or clothes is kinda boring. Talking about sports is quite boring. Asking questions like, "How are you?" or "What's your name?" or "Where do you work?" or "How long have you been here?" also will make you look like a typical, uninteresting person. I want to hear things I haven't heard before. Therefore, I won't provide examples of what to say. Because there's not so much a way to be to get my attention as there is a way to not be.

Another way to get my attention is to seek it in a subtle way. I'm usually willing to provide attention to those who want it, but attention-seeking behavior is generally uninteresting. Questions are a good method: ask me a question and/or suggest I ask you one. But again, it can't be one of the everyday questions I'm already sick of. And specific is always better than general, because vague questions tend to make me confused/uncomfortable, which could make my subconscious associate you with discomfort.

And, of course, if you get yourself associated with something I already find interesting, that gives you bonus points for being able to keep my attention. For example: Be a gamer. Be a multilingual foreigner. Be a cat.

[Adam Strange]

I should clarify my statement.

Show me your tits, and you have my undivided attention.

Show everyone your tits, and I'm wondering if I paid the electric bill this month, and what did you say your name was?

[Chae]

I should clarify my statement.

Show me your tits, and you have my undivided attention.

Show everyone your tits, and I'm wondering if I paid the electric bill this month, and what did you say your name was?

Dilemma scenario aimed at #exposing you, what if a stripper does that when nobody else is around but you?

Also, stay on topic next time for eleganza's sake, consider the question at hand about duals.

[Adam Strange]

Dilemma scenario aimed at #exposing you, what if a stripper does that when nobody else is around but you?

Then that means the stripper likes me. Duh.
Or maybe she just wants money, but let's give her the benefit of the doubt here, until proven otherwise.

Also, stay on topic next time for eleganza's sake, consider the question at hand about duals.

What do you mean? That is definitely geared for my duals.

Remember, my duals are sexual aggressors, and I'm unsure about how much someone likes me. If she shows me her tits, then that answers that question. It's very simple.

I'm not making this up, I'm serious. It is the first thing that came into my mind, and it is also the first thing that came into Anglas' mind. Two for two, batting 1000.

[Chae]

What do you mean? That is definitely geared for my duals.

Remember, my duals are sexual aggressors, and I'm unsure about how much someone likes me. If she show me her tits, then that answers that question. It's very simple.

Your poor duals

[Adam Strange]

Your poor duals

Maybe, but then my uncertainty is gone, she gets a big hug and a kiss and her uncertainty is gone because she can see that her guy knows where home is, and we go securely on to the next thing, which might be dinner or a movie.

Now Chae, IF you are IEE, then I was married to your dual, and SLI operate very differently from ESI's. In their case you, as an IEE, need to be very clear with your SLI. As in, stand in front of them and ask them if they want to have sex, right now. They will either say yes, or no. And if no, then that answer might change in a bit, so be prepared to ask them again. A no from an SLI is not a rejection, they just aren't "hungry" at the moment.

[hatesyardwork]

[Adam Strange Remember, my duals are sexual aggressors, and I'm unsure about how much someone likes me. If she shows me her tits, then that answers that question. It's very simple. I'm not making this up, I'm serious.]

@Adam Strange Bold and unambiguous works very well for me if she is signaling me, or a least reciprocation if I get direct. Girls who are too careful bother me. Girls with no balls who are too subtle and "desperate to not seem desperate" makes me project how every future interaction will unfold into frustrations and more ambiguity, although the tension, mystery and uncertainty are exiting initially, it has to end and I need to know we understand each other. I feel she will always be holding herself back somehow, and I lose interest if she is too coy, because I want to know she wants me, because like you I am unsure how much someone like me. Sucks cuz I am attracted to shy women who sometimes give you nothing to work with and also understanding a shy women who is attracted to you can feel very intimidated around you and I then have to read attraction in her shyness and awkwardness around me, or catch her looking at me which is endearing and attractive, but unattractive if she doesn't meet me half way and become declarative at some point or warm and inviting when I try to interact. I want an aggressor to eventually become aggressive, and if she doesn't I book cuz again...........I project ahead and see nothing but more awkwardness and no initiating from her and hence frustration for me. I want to play hard to get, not her. I saw on some thread a quote where you mentioned how hard it must be for introverted aggressors to be bold given their reserved nature which I instinctively understand , and it makes me realize my own frustration of needing to feel desired by someone who may have a hard time letting me get close to her, but I instinctively need her to be bold in her feelings at some point. beyond furtive glances. I read Strats duality description ESI-LIE and can glean some ......."ESI with look and manner lets LIE know she has no problem with her dual initiating blah blah blah and thus drawing him into her hunt (I do pick up on this actually, and initiate and try to establish rapport) and an LIE who is too persistent has a hitch in his program......blah blah blah, he should take her refusals patiently and bides his blah blah blah" " Sorry I am moving on if she can't speak or make eye contact in my presence and won't communicate after signaling me to initiate, when I can sense this is going to be a lot of work, she's not giving me anything and her reserve it seems far too entrenched, despite signaling me to initiate. I feel manipulated if a girl shows me she wants me to initiate and then is coy, unresponsive and reserved. I know she is just being careful, but too careful annoys me. It's like she cocked her gun and pointed it at me but won't pull the trigger. I am sure someone will pipe in that this is not how ESI act and this is careful type or caregiver that and reflective of Si base, blah blah blah, and Fe seeking blah blah blah, NePolr blah blah blah.......aggressors aren't like this etc and I'm not an LIE blah blah blah. I think she is an Fi dom and they always intrigue me, but bore me if she won't let me get past the surface. I corresponded with you earlier about a girl who was coy and I was wiling to walk and then she got declarative and we hooked up, but often it doesn't work out for some of the reasons I mentioned even though I know we are attracted to one another. Are you in or are you out? I am not comfortable pushing things when she's timid, I won't chase. I can't supplicate, it's degrading. This is not me not me not recognizing a women that is just not interested and is being unresponsive to not lead me on with a flat out refusal. I mean a women who clearly wants to interact but can't bring herself to actually do it when you are standing in front of her and let her guard down if you know what I mean, it's beyond playing hard to get which a lot of women think they should do, doesn't work for me, I want boldness in women, I need it because my fears are as stark as hers, which is why I won't chase because I don't like the uncertainty, it doesn't excite me, it repels me. It's like "man she can't even look at me, and she never initiates, she's so uncomfortable that it is making me uncomfortable......my god how awful is this sex going to be?" I stop flirting and everything cools down and it usually ends, I lose interest. She won't look at for months and then one day I catch her looking at me......it's daggers, pure hatred. TITS as you said is some gamma Se I can get with.

[Adam Strange]

QUOTE @Adam Strange Remember, my duals are sexual aggressors, and I'm unsure about how much someone likes me. If she shows me her tits, then that answers that question. It's very simple. I'm not making this up, I'm serious.]QUOTE

@Adam Strange Bold and unambiguous works very well for me if she is signaling me, or a least reciprocation if I get direct. . Girls with no balls who are too subtle and "desperate to not seem desperate" makes me project how every future interaction will unfold into frustrations and more ambiguity. I feel she will always be holding herself back somehow, and I lose interest, because I want to know she wants me. Sucks cuz I am attracted to shy women who sometimes give you nothing to work with and I am told I can be intimidating and have to read attraction in her shyness and awkwardness but if she doesn't meet me half way I book cuz again...........I project ahead.

Hey, guy. Nice to hear from you again. The last time you were here, if I recall, you had decided that you were LIE instead of ILI and were hot in the tumbled pursuit of an ESI at work. Is that still the case? Did you pass each other's tough Gamma stress tests to ensure you're getting a strong and durable partner? How about an update?
@hatesyardwork, I completely agree with you when you say you need a demonstration of affection. I do, too. I need other things, (intelligence, chemistry, ESI, basically), but that is a big thing. Fortunately, ESI's are built for that. Also fortunately, ESI's tendency to make those demonstrations scares off almost everyone who is not LIE. What is unfortunate is that when they repeatedly make those demonstrations, or express their feelings, they get shot down and eventually start to wonder if something is wrong with them, when what is really wrong is the person they are demonstrating toward is not LIE.

I gave a description of an ESI recently demonstrating here: http://www.the16types.info/vbulletin...91#post1166491

I made that post yesterday, but then took it down because it makes ESI's seem like gold-diggers and sluts (Yes! Fist pump! Bring it on, babe. LIE says "Hey, babe" -kisses girl and slips arm around her waist- "Let's go around this corner because I need to check your bra fit for my mental health and I want to be discrete."), when ESI's are merely trying to ensure that they are not going to run into trouble down the road and are demonstrating clear dual-seeking behavior to attract their fairly emotionally-inert duals.
But the post is up again, because I'm here partly to state facts and leave an interpretable guide for LIE's who stumble onto this site.

[Kalinoche buenanoche]

i'd say people who are are helpful, socially aware without productizing it (more like means to an end) and possibly have a certain brand of steadiness/level-headednes

attention-seeking-ness can be endearing

[Anglas]

Idk tbh, I never thought about it. Generally I'm interested in people who show attention to me, like actually caring about me and so on. Ohh and I like people who get into conflicts easily so I gues they get my attention.
One more thing, I absolutely hate getting help from someone if I don't ask for it.

[Exodus]

If someone is generally seeking attention, clowning around, being funny, acting ridiculous, etc. it will probably get my attention. Not necessarily though. For some reason the way Fe demonstrative types do this generally just irritates me rather than being amusing. (My general theory on this is that the demonstrative function is used selfishly, rather than for others.)

Flashy clothing and any attempt to seek attention through one's physical appearance or displays of wealth and status are a definite turn-off -- but my idea of what is flashy probably includes way more than it does for many people (including @Chae).

The other way is if someone starts dropping some interesting knowledge that I didn't know already...instant attention. But that's a lot more difficult to find.

[Chae]

If someone is generally seeking attention, clowning around, being funny, acting ridiculous, etc. it will probably get my attention. Not necessarily though. For some reason the way Fe demonstrative types do this generally just irritates me rather than being amusing. (My general theory on this is that the demonstrative function is used selfishly, rather than for others.)

Flashy clothing and any attempt to seek attention through one's physical appearance or displays of wealth and status are a definite turn-off -- but my idea of what is flashy probably includes way more than it does for many people (including @Chae).

The other way is if someone starts dropping some knowledge that I didn't know already...instant attention. But that's a lot more difficult to find.

OoohoooOOhhh I love the shade actually

But I get the point, your theory about the demonstrative seems useful here. I was reading between the lines, you like someone who uses their Fe in an altruistic manner, which is always the case in any ESE. I experienced them as quite sacrificial so far in emotional regards, aka some "emotional labor" is going on. When I clown around and so on, it's usually acknowledgement-seeking instead of just for entertainment's sake. As in, wanting the mood to be good for everyone and helping them out with it. I care about the mood being good in my small influence zone so I won't get clapback, while I generously give advice on what has potential, what should be developed etc, I can pour a bucket of that over someone's head with no self-interest because it's so easy and gratifying to see that it helps the person.

[Grendel]

Like with anything else, you ask for it.

[Hays]

I first met my husband at a youth group type meeting where he was a helper. Afterwards he offered my friend and I who had arrived via bicycles a ride home to which she said yes and I said no.

We next saw one another in town where I tried to depart before he reached my location....I didn't quite make it due to his enthusiastic catching up to me.

Next he visited the church I attended and asked me afterwards if I would go sailing with him...I said no and my sister said yes.

Then departing a supermarket one day he appeared before me so I said a casual hi only to find he had been to my home and asked for my whereabouts.

Husband however truly caught my attention when he climbed over every row of seats from the picture theatre entrance to what must have been the last row to give me an awesome 'hello' in front of the group I was with....all the while leaving his current girlfriend down the front with friends viewing what was taking place.

Also I must say he was very confident with his body :-)

[LuckyOne]

By demonstrating the traits I find attractive in anyone, regardless of any external factors: gentleness, softness, vulnerability and a caring and accepting nature.

[malna]

@Chae, we share the clothes fetish

[Chae]

@Chae, we share the clothes fetish

Oh! It's an infantile thing (insert Karl Lagerfeld winking here)? I just realized how severe it is in my case, did you see my quadra wardrobe threads? I need help

What kind of clothes do you enjoy the most? I prefer something that's... there's a haptic quality, it makes you want to touch it so bad.

Theory: Ne ego types are the quintessential sweater stealers.

[malna]

Oh! It's an infantile thing (insert Karl Lagerfeld winking here)?

It very well may be! I mean, it could be Si-seeking, given how Si-ego types are mostly good with picking & combining clothes that are both comfortable and aesthetically pleasing, also work well with their bodies.
The other thing I love is when people move like they're comfortable in their bodies - fluidly yet firmly. Suppose it's just another Si-seeking feature.
Just give me a really well-dressed person who can move like they know their way around their body, their personal space (and possibly my body, too) - I'm done for.

What kind of clothes do you enjoy the most?

I'm not sure, I know when I see them.
I definitely prefer natural, often thin and good quality fabrics. The kind that sort of glides over skin, but doesn't cling to the body at all. Does that make sense?
I also sometimes like long sleeves (again, natural fibers) wide at cuffs, partly covering hands. I like pretty hands and I like them emphasized that way. In general, it's best when clothes go well with the body type. It's strange but I tend to find well dressed people way sexier than naked people.
I check out people for their clothes too. Helps me avoid awkwardness when I stare at women - they're usually exceptionally well dressed so it goes without saying that this is why I can't take my eyes off them. Which is of course partly true. ;>

Theory: Ne ego types are the quintessential sweater stealers.

Like whoa!

[Chae]

It very well may be! I mean, it could be Si-seeking, given how Si-ego types are mostly good with picking & combining clothes that are both comfortable and aesthetically pleasing, also work well with their bodies.
The other thing I love is when people move like they're comfortable in their bodies - fluidly yet firmly. Suppose it's just another Si-seeking feature.
Just give me a really well-dressed person who can move like they know their way around their body, their personal space (and possibly my body, too) - I'm done for.

Yes yes yes and yes, comfy x tasteful In the same way, I noticed, my attention drifts off people who torture themselves with the oddest shoes, and wardrobe malfunctions make me want to cry. Si-seeking is also looking for someone who creates comfort for others so a person who knows how to select pragmatically (---> Te) and beautifully is also A+.

Indeed, when someone carries themselves assuredly The two of us should date high class models, seriously? Or wait, dancers are a better choice. Most choreographers also tend to have a good sense of dressing so that's the ultimate combination. Do you dig ballet? I think it's a Delta ST thing. High levels of discipline and aesthetic standards.

I'm not sure, I know when I see them.
I definitely prefer natural, often thin and good quality fabrics. The kind that sort of glides over skin, but doesn't cling to the body at all. Does that make sense?
I also sometimes like long sleeves (again, natural fibers) wide at cuffs, partly covering hands. I like pretty hands and I like them emphasized that way. In general, it's best when clothes go well with the body type. It's strange but I tend to find well dressed people way sexier than naked people.
I check out people for their clothes too. Helps me avoid awkwardness when I stare at women - they're usually exceptionally well dressed so it goes without saying that this is why I can't take my eyes off them. Which is of course partly true. ;>


Like whoa!

Something like silk? Taffeta? I imagine something like that to fit your definition. A tunic with sweater paws!
Well. It's only sexy if it's hidden. Seduction always works after that principle. Personally, I have no priority. I mean, skin is just the most wonderful thing there is. So robust and soft at the same time. Hence I don't mind skin being shown, but a golden mean is always good. Sweaty clothing that sticks to skin, that's... poetry ~.~
There is no awkwardness in staring if the person wants to be adored, you just don't know in advance :') I often pull a Delta move, just complimenting Yes yes, them girls <3 Can men be socialized into that as well? We need more beauty.
My reason for complimenting, this person got up in the morning and bothered investing time in changing themselves up, why not praise it (my second theory: clothing fetish and praise kink = Ne). And with sweater stealing I refer to the girlfriends that strip their boyfriends off their entire apparel

[malna]

The two of us should date high class models, seriously?

Well, duh!
We should plan for double dates.

Or wait, dancers are a better choice. Most choreographers also tend to have a good sense of dressing so that's the ultimate combination. Do you dig ballet? I think it's a Delta ST thing. High levels of discipline and aesthetic standards.

Dancers are fine. Some sportsmen, too.
I do enjoy ballet (classical) but strictly aesthetically and not with my girl parts. For that, I need more natural moves.

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

by looking like this (NSFW):

http://farm8.static.flickr.com/7476/...66a4a0ab5d.jpg

[GuavaDrunk]

I notice different people for different reasons, and sometimes really cool people (ie: awesome on paper and in conversation content) just don't... stick. So it's frankly pretty erratic.

[totalize]

People get my attention by being hot.

[Pookie]

Say my name, or approach me. Really, I dont withhold attention towards anyone.

[totalize]

I qualify my previous answer.

The important point for me to "notice" someone is that they do not give too much. They do not immediately tell everything about themselves, then completely submit in the struggle.

There must be some resistance -- some disinclination to give everything at once, coyness, a slight withdrawnness. When I find that upon pushing a person, the door does not completely open, it makes me want to open the door more. This is in direct contrast to my own personality as my door swings pretty easily so to speak.

I like this kind of mystery. I think it's appealing, sexually. And I notice in people by how they interact with their environment and so on. Typically, these people are introverted.

[carrina]

@thehotelambush
'My general theory on this is that the demonstrative function is used selfishly, rather than for others."

You're onto something here. I would say this needs to be worded differently but it's the closest I've heard to the way i see the demonstrative.

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

Uh-oh @totalize. While I over-share on the internet, I behave exactly that way in real life.

[sushi]

@Chae how do you feel about SEEs now?

[Chae]

@Chae how do you feel about SEEs now?

In what context?

[sushi]

In what context?

Romantically? Do you still find them to be an attractive type?

[Chae]

Romantically? Do you still find them to be an attractive type?

Sure, SeFi is greatly appealing. I'm not even half as wild but twice as weird as them, so hm yeah their emphasis on sensorics is kyoot~ It won't get boring with them either I also strongly rely on enneagram when looking at attraction, I'm more drawn to synflow e3 ones than e8 or e7.

[Persephone]

I usually pay attention to people who tease me in a slightly cocky yet friendly way. Also people who know what they do and where they go.

[Aylen]

I usually pay attention to people who tease me in a slightly cocky yet friendly way. Also people who know what they do and where they go.

Probably this but it takes finesse to do without crossing a line or coming off creepy so some people fail miserably.

[Muddy]

Err, not really sure what gets my attention other then the obvious answers like "being hot" or "seeking attention". Someone who is loud and obnoxious will definitely get my attention but not in a good way. The other more positive way would probably be starting a discussion about the quality of a new game or movie. I like debating with others about how good or bad something is in terms of rating.