How can someone get your attention?

[summerprincess]

How women influencers get my attention: By being a role model or being really "cool", basically all the reasons why girls my age follow other girls online/watch their YT channels/etc. Good with makeup, fun personality, interesting. However, I'm getting so sick of cookie cutter internet personalities and celebrities and they no longer interest me so much as the eccentric ones who might not look traditionally perfect.
How women get my attention in real life: it doesn't really matter just if they're not rude and show some interest in talking to me, maybe some shared interests.
How men get my attention: Outgoing, loud, funny and good sense of humor, exotic looks, broad vocabulary. Has cool interests not just stuff like hunting and fishing.

[Olimpia]

@Chae

Based on your first post, it sounds like you have crushed on some ESI 4w3 people in the past.
I can somewhat relate to your experience.

[Olimpia]

How someone can get my attention the fastest, mostly involves them having a noticeable influence on people around them. Preferably in a positive and energetic manner. When they are good at raising and regulating the "spirits" of the people around them, or just have a certain energy that makes most around them respond to them on some level. It is also attractive if they can make people laugh, but it is not so much that I am attracted to a good sense of humour (though that can be good), but really just the ability to influence people.

It is also attention-grabbing when they enter a room and exude a certain presence, where the energy "moves out" steadily into the stream of the energies in the room – and is the dominating one.

When they effortlessly but not overbearingly lead the conversation in groups of people.
When they make people listen attentively without actively trying.
When they exude a calm inner core of confidence and vitality through their posture and movements.

And yes, like Chae I admire it when they are well-dressed. Ideally, their outfit is mostly well-put together, stylish and/or unique, and most importantly form-fitting.
I like to follow the contours of someone's body with my eyes, on the rare occasion I am not distracted by certain internal musings.
So, needless to say, a guy who is good-looking (nice hairstyle, harmonious facial features, athletic physique – emphasized by formfitting clothes) can grab my attention easier – but when his energy is like a "minus" and not a "plus", I'd lose interest eventually.

All in all, a guy being influential (and/or sociable) grabs my attention the fastest/most.

I have also been interested in the kind of guys Chae has mentioned in her first post, but it typically took me longer before they caught my attention, than is the case with the type of guy I just described.

P.S: This turned into a "How can a guy get my attention"... What I described can also apply to women to some extent. Though to be honest, it is mostly beauty that grabs my attention with women. Harmonious, fit physique; good style; nice hair; beautiful face. As simple as that.

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

Besides the hunk I posted earlier:

If they are a good mix of asshole/nice guy qualities. Too mean I will be turned off. Too nice I will be turned off because I already have people pretending to be my friend lol.

If they are also a good balance of 'faggy' (soft/vulnerable/heartfelt/bitchy) and 'str8 man' (useful/logical/cold/cunning/even a little mean)... but that point kind of relates to the first. And of course maybe I am the only one that sees the vulnerability when everybody else is telling me he's a serial killer. Haha.

Too much of one something is a turn off for me, I kind of like a rainbow mixture you know. =p Being manipulative is more attractive to me than direct force. Shows you know how to control your emotions or something and play the long term game and not give in so easily to an immediate sense of satisfaction- though there is a balance to this, and if you are too dark triad-y that would be a turn off.

Non-romantically- what gets my attention in friendships is people like @Cassandra. <3

[Olimpia]

Besides the hunk I posted earlier:

If they are a good mix of asshole/nice guy qualities. Too mean I will be turned off. Too nice I will be turned off because I already have people pretending to be my friend lol.

Same here.

If the guy is a downright jerk, I will be disinterested or turned off.
(Some guys have a certain "jerk vibe", like the actor Theo James. Obviously I don't know him, so the vibe he gives off might be different from his real nature. Either way, even though he is attractive, I'd rather not get involved with someone like him based off on the vibe alone.) Having said that, he could be very able at getting my attention.

And "too nice", well, that is a guy who is a doormat, and that is not attractive to anyone.
I tend to tune those guys out sort of automatically. They are the "wallflowers" you hardly notice. (Unless they are following you around for some reason... Then they get my attention eventually, but not in a positive sense!)

There are certain kinds of people who want to be noticed no matter how, and it doesn't matter whether the attention is negative or positive.
I've never had a positive regard for such people, personally. Trying to get people's negative attention can seem "try hard" and subsequently unattractive to me. But I suppose as a whole, this is still better than someone who seems to be an invisible ghost.

I guess it goes like this: positive attention > negative attention > no attention

[Suzaku]

I'm naturally drawn to loud passionate people, but only if they know what they're talking about and can walk the talk. For example: instead of bitching about what was wrong with the football game, "I played football before and from experience will give a balanced critique of the game."

In terms of relationships, I need to be pursued slowly. I need to know this person can do their thing and have their own interests. I need them to engage me slowly and honestly so we know stuff about one another. If a guy comes on too strong I fear it is a form of escapism from something else in his life. Once I feel I can trust and be myself the most romantic thing he can do is drop in with drinks I like and cuddle me. I can get very tense and easily stressed internally. Acts of service, Touch, and Quality Time are my love languages.

When I'm tense I just want to be held.

[hatesyardwork]

I'm naturally drawn to loud passionate people, but only if they know what they're talking about and can walk the talk. For example: instead of bitching about what was wrong with the football game, "I played football before and from experience will give a balanced critique of the game."

In terms of relationships, I need to be pursued slowly. I need to know this person can do their thing and have their own interests. I need them to engage me slowly and honestly so we know stuff about one another. If a guy comes on too strong I fear it is a form of escapism from something else in his life. Once I feel I can trust and be myself the most romantic thing he can do is drop in with drinks I like and cuddle me. I can get very tense and easily stressed internally. Acts of service, Touch, and Quality Time are my love languages.

When I'm tense I just want to be held.

I thought ESI was supposed to close the distance?

So an introverted aggressor wants to be pursued unless the pursuit is too strong?
He or she needs to make all the initiatives towards you and make you comfortable thru selfless acts of service?
He or she has to be patient until the point you aren't stressed or tense?

Is this appealing to a "victim" who is Si Polr and wants to be desired and know you want him and unlikely to relentlessly pursue?

[LuckyOne]

I thought ESI was supposed to close the distance?

So an introverted aggressor wants to be pursued unless the pursuit is too strong?
He or she needs to make all the initiatives towards you and make you comfortable thru selfless acts of service?
He or she has to be patient until the point you aren't stressed or tense?

Is this appealing to a "victim" who is Si Polr and wants to be desired and know you want him and unlikely to relentlessly pursue?

No, it most definitely is not.

[Suzaku]

I thought ESI was supposed to close the distance?

So an introverted aggressor wants to be pursued unless the pursuit is too strong?
He or she needs to make all the initiatives towards you and make you comfortable thru selfless acts of service?
He or she has to be patient until the point you aren't stressed or tense?

Is this appealing to a "victim" who is Si Polr and wants to be desired and know you want him and unlikely to relentlessly pursue?

Depends. I'm pretty sure if you have the ESI's trust they will also pursue. I will drop the bomb if I like someone and make it known. But if someone expected me to close the distance all the time I'd probably walk away because they weren't reciprocating.

[leckysupport]

Being low key adorable and having good chat.

[Beautiful sky]

I'm a new and improved breed of EII although I still voice my ethics and discontent for the wrong things that go on in society. I'm different because I know and understand why EII are hard to be approached in person and I've worked on myself to be more open and approachable. A typical EII would not want to speak to strangers and if a stranger approached them they would stay away or wiggle themselves out of the conversation by moving away. I did this before knowing myself and Socionics. I've learned to be more open to conversations with strangers and my SEE friends have helped me to have conversations with the openness and willingness to learn something new and not consider myself a know it all or my ethics an absolute as Ij temperament can be sometimes. so to approach a typical EII you need to be indirect in your approach. You need to get close to them and comment on something that they are holding or doing or ask a question. To approach me you just have to ask for help or say hi and not curse, just be mild

[carrina]

I'm a new and improved breed of EII although I still voice my ethics and discontent for the wrong things that go on in society. I'm different because I know and understand why EII are hard to be approached in person and I've worked on myself to be more open and approachable. A typical EII would not want to speak to strangers and if a stranger approached them they would stay away or wiggle themselves out of the conversation by moving away. I did this before knowing myself and Socionics. I've learned to be more open to conversations with strangers and my SEE friends have helped me to have conversations with the openness and willingness to learn something new and not consider myself a know it all or my ethics an absolute as Ij temperament can be sometimes. so to approach a typical EII you need to be indirect in your approach. You need to get close to them and comment on something that they are holding or doing or ask a question. To approach me you just have to ask for help or say hi and not curse, just be mild

I've just realized that you don't know what you're talking about, in general.

I find EIIs very easy to talk to and approach. Also my EII friend is introverted but not afraid of people like that. It's not socionics that you're talking about but lack of proper socialization.

[carrina]

A short list of ways to get my attention

1 "I'm lost do you know the number for 911"
2 holler "attention everyone!" During a meeting or in the street or wherever
3 say "hi" while looking at me
4 say something that's useful to more people than yourself
5 offer me a handkerchief

[carrina]

Trying to find out whether that may or may not be geared to one's dual

 

If someone deliberately tries to get my attention, I will do the opposite of what they want me to do, aka notice them fully like a good senpai. So that, in any way, does not really work. A guy or gal could wave a huge hello flag in front of me, I wouldn't be interested. You want to come into my life? Behold the Beatles: Let it be. It has to be the other way around. I know when someone is showing off instantly, I renounce it. I mean, they can show what they got, but not in a way of dramatically strutting past my table cracking loud jokes or something Screaming around, fake laughter, practical jokes, also a no. Or, handling me physically out of nowhere, no no no. The latter has to happen out of request.
Very well, the person can subtly get my attention by being their somewhat mysterious selves. If they ignore me here and there, all the better. As in, avoiding eye contact but I later catch them looking at me. Generally, they have to stay out of my business initially, I don't approve of someone interfering unless I ask for assistance. If they then can execute or explain something well, superb, I'll get back to them.
When this person is silent, snarky, shy, insecure, cold-blooded, loner-ish, the senpai awakens In the past, I've largely dedicated attention to people of that kind who gave off a slightly condescending vibe for a long time, I just wanted to know what they are about. I need that to keep me on my toes because I am constantly figuring persons of interest out. When they get in my face, the entire "riddling" is spoiled. I need to go like, "What are you hiding... What are you like in private... Why are you like that..." as that keeps me focused. So if I don't know what they are up to, they are not an open book, I am intrigued. They could even be completely insensitive, I perceive people who are super nice to me as suspicious, I sense ulterior motives. A slightly ill-tempered person will always be honest and direct without concealing what they want, they get straight to the point. I find that very appealing.

Talking about appeal, here's an important detail: I have a veeeery weird type of radar for well-dressed people. It's not their body I want to check out from head to toe, it's what they are wearing. I can tell from a mile away if someone has an outstanding style. I've fallen for people who wore very tasteful soft sweaters, for instance. I just imagine cuddling up to them, it's rather creepy but I can't help it. Large winter jackets with fake fur collars, some aesthetic print shirts, suits, stripes, ripped jeans, bomber jackets, all that stuff, I just have to look and wonder what such a stylish person is like. Especially, when I see some sophisticated or edgy shoes - instant attention. I've spent entire seminars stealing glances at the girl's black boots next to me, I got so excited because of how perfect it looked <3 On the other hand, when someone wears mismatched or overly flashy things (anything neon, yellow), I ignore them to spare my poor idealistic eyes If my attention wants to be actively seized - unlike through a subdued demeanour as described in the paragraphs above - the person has to pick out their outfit well, I /will/ notice.

Long story short: an enigmatic staying-in-my-lane personality that leaves me constantly wondering is what catches my eye. Good taste in clothing is also an attention grabber.

(NSFW for some later sections in the thread)

Sounds like you need yourself an si creative type. Have fun with that

[Chae]

Sounds like you need yourself an si creative type. Have fun with that

Why creative and not base?

[carrina]

Just sounds more like creative to me.

[Pole]

Here's my list:

intuition
can tune into me without asking the same stupid questions everyone else asks
observant/insightful
has self restraint, considers whether their actions will weaken their character over time
draws lines in the sand, doesn't let fate decide their life, knows what they want
sense of humor to let me forget my jadedness for awhile and lighten me up
gets me, unphased by my walls
is not a sociopath, most sociopaths can figure this out and act the part, they don't count
does not let others cross their boundaries, not even close family. nothing gets my attention like a man with a backbone and grit
isn't socially oblivious, has self awareness
when i feel like my feelings are safe and wont get trampled on, no need to be the "feelings whisperer" just don't add to the pain
as far as looks go the only thing that really matters in the end is personal care habits like hygiene and health. An ugly man can become handsome with a clean-cut look. as for me I prefer more traditional looks like a button down shirt tucked into some khakis, some say it's boring or dorky but I like it and hate fast fashion and super trendy everything.

[Myst]

One word: Ni.

OK, elaborating on that.. when they have that bit of contemplative look about them, even mysterious, and when they say something that connects to my own thoughts in this deeply internal and intuitive way that I'm comfortable calling Ni.

There are of course other things too that are important to me but this is what initially takes my attention very strongly.

Another thing I noticed can actively take my attention is if they have this moment of being focused in a certain way... a mode of assertive striving, so we can call it Se. But I noticed Se egos don't have this variant of it that takes my attention in this special way.

[Nehtaro]

One word: Ni.

OK, elaborating on that.. when they have that bit of contemplative look about them, even mysterious, and when they say something that connects to my own thoughts in this deeply internal and intuitive way that I'm comfortable calling Ni.

There are of course other things too that are important to me but this is what initially takes my attention very strongly.

Another thing I noticed can actively take my attention is if they have this moment of being focused in a certain way... a mode of assertive striving, so we can call it Se. But I noticed Se egos don't have this variant of it that takes my attention in this special way.

That last 'focus' thing: I noticed two people who are different in most respects, but both EIE, have (never in group setting, I don't think they like to show this face) a very focused/worried/something-is-wrong-don't-disturb-me expression as they focus on a problem. I imagine LIEs have a similar expression, but in EIEs it is strong and in sharp contrast to their usual demeanor.

[Tonatiuh]

sx eyes.

[Shytan]

Mystery is everything to me. Also, someone who seems closed off, like they have a cold exterior but are really affectionate when you get to know them. It kind of makes me feel special when someone who seems cold or emotionless to others is affectionate with me. Like yaass I hacked into his feelings !!

[yifflord]

This thread has been a great read! For me appearance-wise I really like people who dress in an... idk how to put it, stylish 'soft' way. I can also find a lack of fashion sense endearing, but not always. People who have seemingly contradicting aspects of their appearances are also interesting - like a hard-looking tattooed dude with a Hello Kitty pencil case that he uses without blinking, that kind of thing. In first impression demeanour, people who seem like they aren't noticing or not paying attention to the social subtleties of what is happening around them, people who are outwardly very calm, unobtrusive and somewhat non-reactive, straightforward in speech. When I do actually start getting to know them it's vital that they find me funny!!! - my ego likes the extra boost. If we don't have the same sense of humour, things can't continue. And I love it when people act in small ways that quietly show concern for my well-being, like moving a bowl of soy sauce out of the way because I'm gesturing wildly and might dip my sleeve into it but otherwise not saying anything. People who aren't people pleasers and who know how to draw their own boundaries but who are otherwise kind as a rule.

[Suz]

This thread has been a great read! For me appearance-wise I really like people who dress in an... idk how to put it, stylish 'soft' way. I can also find a lack of fashion sense endearing, but not always. People who have seemingly contradicting aspects of their appearances are also interesting - like a hard-looking tattooed dude with a Hello Kitty pencil case that he uses without blinking, that kind of thing. In first impression demeanour, people who seem like they aren't noticing or not paying attention to the social subtleties of what is happening around them, people who are outwardly very calm, unobtrusive and somewhat non-reactive, straightforward in speech. When I do actually start getting to know them it's vital that they find me funny!!! - my ego likes the extra boost. If we don't have the same sense of humour, things can't continue. And I love it when people act in small ways that quietly show concern for my well-being, like moving a bowl of soy sauce out of the way because I'm gesturing wildly and might dip my sleeve into it but otherwise not saying anything. People who aren't people pleasers and who know how to draw their own boundaries but who are otherwise kind as a rule.

Resonating with all of this too

[Singu]

You'll get my attention if you are exceptional and excel at something... Exceptionally smart, exceptionally emotional, exceptionally kind, exceptionally stylish, exceptionally artistic, whatever. Just be above the average.

But what impresses me the most is kindness. People who are very kind and altruistic are very impressive to me. People who are very positive and energetic. People who are strong are impressive, but more like someone who has a strong core and won't back down even if there's opposition ("Don't bend, don't break, baby, don't back down. It's my life... and it's now or never").

Not a huge fan if they're pushy or forceful or whatever, and no that's not what Se is necessarily like. Se is more smooth about it, and they're always doing shit. Don't care much for excessive materialism.

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

I am like a typical str8 girl in ways but I think a key difference is that insecurity will turn me off more than confidence or arrogance turns me on. It's a subtle difference but I just know it when I feel it. Might sound weird but instead of being like "omg I like him he's so confident!" it's more like "I like him he's so stable/non-insecure!"

[Alomoes]

Easy, say my name or if you don't know it, say hi. On a romantic level, it'd be more likely that I'd try and get you to notice me by the above method.

[akash]

don't be frumpy or unhealthy, show intelligence and compassion, respect yourself, but not too much

[Skepsis]

Usually by the 3rd or 4th time someone says my name, my attention is all your!

[Suzaku]

Usually by the 3rd or 4th time someone says my name, my attention is all your!

lmao I have a habit of getting absorbed in books and games. When I'm lost in a good book that starts happening. I always tell people if I drop off the planet I'm probably reading. When people ask what's up and you tell them you've been reading for days and not doing something they deem interesting, that's usually end of the conversation for me because they usually don't care lmao.

I kind of need that when this happens. I need someone to keep reaching out. Because that's when I know you care and aren't judging me for wanting to be alone reading instead of zomg you are boring you didn't go outside and play with your frainds I DON'T WANNA TALK TO YOU haha.

[Attis]

I'm not sure what it takes to get my attention. I never think about this. I guess show interest in me, be direct, and be sincere. If I can't detect that someone is sincerely interested in me, I'll probably think that they're judging me negatively and avoid them. I'll never initiate contact, as I rarely talk to anyone in person.

[Suz]

Someone who is very intelligent, and has interesting answers/explanations to my statements/questions.
Usually someone modest and reserved.

Ooooh...We might fight over boys....

[Aylen]

Be adorable, I like cute girls. Don't even bother being sexy, I am so desensitized by this point, you have no idea. Tits and ass have no power over me, I don't care if you're Scarlett Johansson, I've seen nudes of her and she's just another hot girl, who cares. Dress up like a librarian or something. You could also do something really outrageous like putting on a buddhist robe even though you are white upper middle class, that would really piss me off. Just stand out, I'm very bored.

If I don't make the first move and you really want my attention you should just leave a bunch of loose ends in our discussions, and then just avoid talking about it again, because I like closure. Just be vague and suggestive, even a weird look might do it. If you said something that might imply that you liked me, and then you just started ignoring me for no reason I'd get really curious.

Sooo...