How to romance series: LSI

[golden]

Idunno. I'm like Shrek now because I want my space, I'm not liked, and I'm very difficult to get to know. I'm burnt out and let down and already wasted invested time on the wrong men and developed trust issues. It would be hard to romance me at this point because I'm so paranoid about men's ulterior motives. I don't even know anymore what would work on me as an LSI.

I don't have any suggestions, just the observation that I may have fairly similar attitudes and reactions, and I don't want "romance" and haven't for a very long time. What I suppose I've usually wanted was more of a raw, direct meeting of minds and bodies with a lot of tacit recognition of how we are shaped (and misshapen) by society and family, so how people experience one another is always more an indicator and an approximation than a truth. Knowing this, I have a sense of how close or not-close I can actually get to another human being. There is always a limit, always something I cannot reach in another person. To assume otherwise is disrespectful.

So I don't think anything "works on" anyone else. With my LSI friends, I suppose I haven't really done anything except try to see as much about their reality as I can, and validate their experiences and point of view. I see things that appear fragile and strong in them at the same time, and I kind of don't try to touch any of that directly, but more invisibly um . . . I guess envelop it in some way and just let it be.

[Myst]

I don't have any suggestions, just the observation that I may have fairly similar attitudes and reactions, and I don't want "romance" and haven't for a very long time. What I suppose I've usually wanted was more of a raw, direct meeting of minds and bodies with a lot of tacit recognition of how we are shaped (and misshapen) by society and family, so how people experience one another is always more an indicator and an approximation than a truth. Knowing this, I have a sense of how close or not-close I can actually get to another human being. There is always a limit, always something I cannot reach in another person. To assume otherwise is disrespectful.

So I don't think anything "works on" anyone else. With my LSI friends, I suppose I haven't really done anything except try to see as much about their reality as I can, and validate their experiences and point of view. I see things that appear fragile and strong in them at the same time, and I kind of don't try to touch any of that directly, but more invisibly um . . . I guess envelop it in some way and just let it be.

Again the directness theme. I again have to agree.

How do you mean it's disrespectful -where you mention this issue- or what is it exactly that's disrespectful?

Enveloping, can you describe this a bit more too?

Er. Done with the questions.

[golden]

Again the directness theme. I again have to agree.

How do you mean it's disrespectful -where you mention this issue- or what is it exactly that's disrespectful?

I'm not sure how to articulate this. I don't assume that what I see with someone is what I get. There are many ways I cannot fully know another person. For example, I can get only a wistful inkling of what an adult was like as a child and as an infant, even if I have photos and video of them to look at. That version of the person has been superseded by the adult version. And even in the present moment, I feel that there's more to a person than they can make fully manifest, and also that they do not owe it to me to reveal everything about themselves, and I wouldn't press for them to say or show more than they feel confident expressing.

I find it would be disrespectful to expect someone to cough up more of their inner life than they do. I'm interested in the feelings that arise from someone else's world, but I don't demand that they give me details. That can almost be a form of interpersonal violence. I just try to get a feeling for what might be there and don't dig or poke into it much.

ETA: I think part of what seems disrespectful is that putting all your wounds on display is also a way of showing all your vulnerabilities, and those can be used against a person, so why in the hell would I expect someone to trot out their weaknesses for me? Sometimes what is kept inside is in there for a reason.

Enveloping, can you describe this a bit more too?

I guess if I care about someone, or even if I'm just in a position where I am supposed to pay them some attention, the metaphor I've given in the past is that I put a quiet bubble of awareness around the person. I attune to them and kind of shut out other information. This came up in chat once and a coupla people observed it sounded like enneagram SX instinct, but I really don't know bc I find the instincts dumb so far.

Er. Done with the questions.

*wipes sweat from brow*

[Myst]

I'm not sure how to articulate this. I don't assume that what I see with someone is what I get. There are many ways I cannot fully know another person. For example, I can get only a wistful inkling of what an adult was like as a child and as an infant, even if I have photos and video of them to look at. That version of the person has been superseded by the adult version. And even in the present moment, I feel that there's more to a person than they can make fully manifest, and also that they do not owe it to me to reveal everything about themselves, and I wouldn't press for them to say or show more than they feel confident expressing.

I find it would be disrespectful to expect someone to cough up more of the inner life than they do. That can almost be a form of interpersonal violence. I just try to get a feeling for what might be there and don't dig or poke into it much.

OK, I see.

I guess if I care about someone, or even if I'm just in a position where I am supposed to pay them some attention, the metaphor I've given in the past is that I put a quiet bubble of awareness around the person. I attune to them and kind of shut out other information. This came up in chat once and a coupla people observed it sounded like enneagram SX instinct, but I really don't know bc I find the instincts dumb so far.

That sounds umm, interesting. I don't know if it's an EIE thing or sx thing, or whatever in the specific form of this that I'm thinking of. I've seen this before though.

*wipes sweat from brow*

End of Inquisition for now.