Member Questionnaire (Schildmaid)

[Pallas]

Member Questionnaire 1 (Schildmaid)

What is beauty? What is love?

Beauty is when, by simply observing something, it picks you up and sweeps you away, and even if it violently breaks you down, you don't feel the slightest urge to resist. Love is where you are drawn to someone or something and can never break free even if you try in one giant fling of will with the might of a mountain god.

What are your most important values?

I value that everyone should live a meaningful life. It's hard to articulate what exactly that consists of but I know what it means. Maybe I could write an extended essay or book about it somewhere, since I'm sure I could describe it, just not here comfortably.

Do you have any sort of spiritual/religious beliefs, and why do you hold (or don't) those beliefs in the first place?

Yes! For one, you have to have spiritual beliefs whether you want to or not. If the materialist kind of worldview is right, there is no purpose or value for anything (since it is all moving towards a state where it might as well have never been), and no reason to do anything unless you adopt some false standard of meaning like happiness. If happiness is your meaning, then you should believe whatever makes you happy, not whatever is true. Two, I have had experiences so that I believe in the spiritual the same way I believe I'm a human being with a human body sitting outside filling out a form.

Opinion on war and militaries? What is power to you?

Wars should be fought nobly and honorably when they must be, but they're generally not today, and they also seem to be fought at the drop of a hat. When I was very young I was obsessed with knights and such but thought there was something wrong about the modern type of combat with all the sniper rifles and camouflage. It didn't seem so much like really fighting, in the traditional struggling sort of sense, but just a matter of who could pull the trigger first or drop the bomb first. And how many people have heard of modern soldier heroes (real ones, not like G.I. Joe) compared to the giant multitude of Greek, Roman, Norse, Ancient Germanic, Celtic, Medieval European, Indian, Hewbrew/Biblical, Japanese, Chinese, Historic American, American Indian, etc. heroes? People say modern soldiers are "heroes" but why aren't there epics or romances about them? (OK, there's the American Sniper thing, but from what I've heard that's not a traditional heroic thing even if it's supposed to be glamorous, and I'm not eager to do anything but hear about it.) We hardly even know their names unless they're family members or friends. It seems suspicious that modern war and old-fashioned war are even the same thing at all.

Power is force, not necessarily in a "brute force" sort of way but force nevertheless, and that is all.

What have you had long conversations about? What are your interests? Why?

I have had long conversations about nigh everything. Long conversations are wonderful as long as it's not the kind where you're in trouble. As a result, people think I'm super passionate about nigh everything under the sun and I get people telling me to get degrees in things I'd never dream of and do jobs I'd also never dream of quite commonly. I often like to learn about things just so I can have long conversations about them (that's how I ended up finding socionics by the way. Some people were talking about Myers-Briggs and I didn't understand it so I did research, since that kind of thing is common enough talk in those situations where you're just talking to random people).

Interested in health/medicine as a conversation topic? Are you focused on your body?

I don't like talking to doctors usually because they tend to see the body as a machine where you abuse it all you want and then go fix it up when it doesn't work like that. Alternative medicine people are often tolerable but also often wacko so it's a gamble.

What do you think of daily chores?

It's kind of fun to do them for some reason. I guess there's just some sort of rush from accomplishing things.

Books or films you liked? Recently read/watched or otherwise. Examples welcome.

The last thing I finished for myself was Faust and it was amazing. Now I'm in a book club reading Lawrence in Arabia because it fit my schedule and sounded interesting enough. I'm also reading books for my literature class and they're all really great so far.

What has made you cry? What has made you smile? Why?

The last times I cried was when I thought I was an intrinsically bad person (either by being morally flawed or practically flawed). On the other hand, I smile a lot and at too many things to list, pretty much whenever I'm happy but, often to others' chagrin, not more.

Where do you feel: at one with the environment/a sense of belonging?

I like to sit outside, such as at a cafe, and talk to people there. I also like hiking in the mountains and forests, or watching things like sunrises/sunsets, or watching concerts or plays (I don't mean movies but actual plays).

What have people seen as your weaknesses? What do you dislike about yourself?

I can be too energetic. I tend to move in a really harsh and abrupt way with lots of short bursts and I need to be careful not to slam doors. I can talk and just go on and on about complex or heavy subjects at a fast tempo for hours on end, and some people don't understand how I can like talking to people at night (the answer: I didn't talk enough during the day, probably because schoolwork). I tend to be quite opinionated about things and that can cause a lot of fights.

What have people seen as your strengths? What do you like about yourself?

According to at least a couple people each: I am brave, passionate, industrious, creative, organized, nice (not sure how since people tend to get in fights with me), "smart" (I don't even know what that means). I don't know what I like about myself but I don't tend to hate myself much either so there's probably something, I just don't know what to say.

In what areas of your life would you like help?

I'd like help getting a car and a job, and taking care of my garden when I'm away from it because it tends to get overgrown with weeds. I would also like my professors to help me by not giving me so much homework and my roommate to help me by not ignoring me so much I think she's inhuman.

Ever feel stuck in a rut? If yes, describe the causes and your reaction to it.

Not really.

What qualities do you most like and dislike in other people? What types do you get along with?

I like people who are stand up for their values even if they aren't mine (but even more if they are mine). That's really the main thing I like. What I dislike is people who are superficial and seem to only care about pop culture, fashion trends, or fast food. I don't mean liking those things per se, but when you only like those things it puts me off.

How do you feel about romance/sex? What qualities do you want in a partner?

I tend to feel drawn to really romantic ideas of burningly passionate love, wild sex and the writing of love sonnets for whatever reason. I'll see how that plays out as I get into a place where it's reasonable for me to consider romance. What I want in a partner is primarily someone I would admire as a person outside of a romantic/sexual context, as I imagine it would be hard to be intimate and intense with someone you hated, to say the least.

If you were to raise a child, what would be your main concerns, what measures would you take, and why?

I would want to teach them to be noble and virtuous, as of now. I don't want to throw more people into the world who just don't care about anything that matters. I'd rather someone take the wrong side on something that matters than just be indifferent. I would also want them to have a culture so they don't only get escapist entertainment from Hollywood and pop songs.

A friend makes a claim that clashes with your current beliefs. What is your inward and outward reaction?

I don't believe them and depending on the person, claim and context I'll probably argue with them a bit or try to ignore them. If we argue I might change my beliefs but it's not likely since beliefs come from what I call your Weltanschauung and it's hard to fit stragglers in there and also hard to just change everything you think at the drop of a hat.

Describe your relationship to society. How do you see people as a whole? What do you consider a prevalent social problem? Name one.

Right now, I am mostly just a weird former outcast who is happy no no longer be an outcast and is coming back into society but changed by the wilderness. People as a whole are beings with great potential but it tends to be reached through striving, struggling, even suffering, and there's not a whole lot of that going on as I see it so people are becoming sort of flaccid and shallow. There's that Robert Frost poem about the world ending in fire or ice and I'm half-convinced it'll end in ice relatively soon.

How do you choose your friends and how do you behave around them?

I interact with a bunch of people and then whoever interacts with me back in a positive way for a long duration of time gradually becomes my friend, with increasing depth of friendship as time goes on.

How do you behave around strangers?

It depends on the situation. In informal social situations I like to walk up and talk to them (unless they happen to talk to me first) and then talk about whatever. In formal social situations I do whatever formal things I should. In non-social situations/social situations where the members would most likely rather not have me I keep my distance from them.