common stereotypes about Si (introverted sensing)

[marooned]

Not to drag on with a subject that isn't pleasant for you, but I do think that even as a probable dom, I initially had (and still may have) a lot to learn about communication in the workplace and in other professional contexts.

welllll you asked lol. something in this is type related but i don't know if it's worth finding since apart from being an introvert, i'm a loner, mentally ill, and i was raised in a very dysfunctional household (one in which communication was closed in many ways, there were secrets, and a lot of social isolation from the outside except for going to school and i usually didn't have any friends). when i started my current job i was withdrawn into myself very deeply and was barely even present. i think my communication problems extend beyond work. i've noticed problems with communication in the shoutbox that remind me of problems i've experienced at work. other instances in the past come up that were more anomalous at the times they occurred because i never *had* to communicate as much before as i do in my job (with people i am not close to), nor was i interested in doing so. my job requires a strange mix of detailed/business communication and interpersonal communication (all of this often on limited time) - it's really i think highly challenging. all extroverted IEs would be helpful for my job.

in general though, i don't present or convey myself in a way that ends up working effectively for me. it has to go beyond a single information element.

Often, business etiquette and communication are not taught well, or not taught at all. Somehow people are expected just to have picked it up by osmosis, and it doesn't always work that way. Especially if you aren't regularly exposed to people modeling this stuff.

And sometimes you may be surrounded by people who actually don't communicate well, but they're in higher positions, and in that case you not only have to communicate well on your own behalf, but make up for their deficits. A lot of what gets passed off as effective corporate-speak is nothing more than jargon and buzzwords that convey little but sound "right" until you begin pondering wtf is actually meant by any of it. Crack open the shell and you'll find no nut inside.

Then when people "fail" with some of these things in a business environment, it's too easy to make it out as some kind of personal deficit when we're actually talking about a skill set, one that maybe your employer failed to point out that you needed and failed to point to resources that impart it. Ridiculous.

yeah i know (though my work place isn't as badly corporate as that). i'd sometimes be thinking about such things during my difficult situations allowing me to make them even more difficult (it's one of the reasons why i felt so trapped in the first year especially - because it felt like there wasn't a right answer - but that is also a general theme with me is the thing). i was at the bottom of the heirarchy with no power, no voice, it felt like, and when i noticed that the person who came to me wasn't communicating well i also knew it would be considered 100% my fault. beyond feeling trapped, i felt it was annoyingly hypocritical of them. and i agree it's often a hidden expectation. but overall really i think this aspect is *very* minimal where i work - to even address it to this extent gives it way too much significance. everyone above me in the hierarchy is a better communicator than i am on the whole (far better), and i think one of things about office support is that the onus really is often on the office support person to be the better communicator when it comes to stuff relating to their position especially. it's unfortunately a catering role basically. my "failures" were failures to cater to expectations, though i had to fish to find those expectations (but that's another application of communication lol - that's part of the role of office support which is there to make everything easier for everyone else). and i spent time being all upset about this, but... i can't get trapped in any communication labyrinth presented by another person, if my communication is strong. part of me is upset that i've adapted to this attitude because my original one was more like yours and i feel like it's an example of how i can't be myself. but that i need to change jobs (nay, entire careers) is not really in question.

eta: also the people at my work are good people on the whole (i'm probably a worse person than most of them). i was the one who saw this as a dangerous situation as though my head would be chopped off. during the time i was angry, i wasn't even perceiving reality.

And I'm not sure any of this, then, has much to do with and . It might. But I know I certainly hate answering phone calls in an office and stuff like that. I'm probably good at communicating about the things I'm passionate about, or that I have specialized in, and I've been called on to handle hairy interpersonal situations when someone was really upset, threatening to sue, in tears, etc. I think this just requires being sincere and patient and acknowledging what the upset person is saying without arguing them out of their perspective. Not sure it's related to an IE.

Last thought: Do you think it could make more sense if you had someone taking care of administrative details and gatekeeping for you while you do your job, rather than it being a big part of your job to do that stuff?

yes. reception/office support is a bad fit for me. i was dropped in my current position by circumstance (not having anything to do with me) and i was very depressed at the time. i am really bad with administrative details (for 40 hours a week... like part of it is how much time), but i can do them if i'm allowed quiet (most importantly, no interruptions) so i can concentrate (but they are always a strain). before i began working i would reserve such tedium for my times of high focus so i could get a lot done quickly (in spurts) - then it isn't a strain (or wasn't before mental illness). i know i need work where i can spurt freely.

i don't like consoling people either. my consoling powers are limited to someone i am *very* close to (and i'm so closed off i'm currently close to no one it seems), and even then it seems people console me more than i console them. i tend to kind of get cold in situations requiring consoling. sometimes i just disappear when i see an "expert" has arrived. it's not that i don't care, but i am more likely to try to find a solution than be openly empathetic (i don't feel safe). i can be emotionally open with animals quite spontaneously because i feel safe (they won't judge, won't stab at my vulnerabilities, will simply be honest in their presence - no ego games), but people are tough.


oh and ps: it is definitely easier for me to talk about things i am interested in or passionate about, though i think this is true of most? business/work stuff is not it. except about the hell of it, which i've talked about a great deal in a way where its incomprehensible.


eta: actually it is sometimes that i don't even care. but what i meant is i like a resolution that will fix things.