SEE/ESFp and ILI/INTp Duality? (Aggressor-Victim)

[voider]

I tend to agree with @ashlesha here. Maybe it's a sensor thing, or maybe it's an ethical thing (if we're looking at it from a socionics standpoint) but evaluating people based on how they're going to contribute to my life in the long term or based on their assets is not something that I'd do consciously. If I were in a relationship with someone and having problems, I wouldn't be thinking, oh crap, I could have found a better person, I should leave this person immediately and go look for that one (like, what you'd do with an awful lunch or something). I'd try to fix the problem first. But I guess that's what you mean by "taking a risk"; if you break up with someone 85% good for you in search of the Perfect One, you risk never finding them and losing those 85% too. I don't think relationships can or should be classified in that way, though, because dual or non-dual, a relationship will fail if you don't put effort into it. AND people make bad choices, as ashlesha said.

With that being said, I think duality isn't really applicable when we're younger. Putting the risk think into perspective, you take a risk every time you choose to enter a relationship. And you're going to learn something about yourself whether you break up or you stay in it until death do you part. The more relationships you have -- or the longer you are in one relationship -- you should be better at recognizing what you like and don't like in people. And also become better at accepting criticism, which comes with age. So if you're looking at duality as the only viable choice for a relationship... you're barring yourself from learning a lot about people -- yourself included.

[End]

Earlier this year I had an experience pursuing an ILI for the first time. I'm still unsure why I'm meant to be into them romantically lmao.

@faceonfire how long did that relationship last? That's more data I'm seeking to gather. I would also point out that the "kuudere" thing I mentioned is pretty true. However, the thing to remember is that while we may seem to be emotionless that's a damned dirty lie. We're actually pretty damn emotional, but we think that showing strong feelings to anyone outside direct family and those we'd trust with our lives is a very dumb thing to do (and pointless as if you're that close to us you ought to "get" us). You probably didn't notice her emoting at you because a "faint smile" from us is basically a beaming grin of endless joy from pretty much anyone else.

For instance, I only get a bit of moisture in my eyes when I have to bury a close family member. Most outsiders would see that as me being an emotionless asshole who cares not for his own family. However, my family knows the truth (thankfully). They know I cared deeply for them even if I'm not bawling my eyes out like they are. It's hard to truly explain in text but let's just say that the person who's not shedding a tear may be the one who's hurt more deeply than those who are crying a river into existence.

This is probably a good reason I both pity and despise sociopaths so much. They know nothing of what real tears are, and they never will even as their act fools everyone else around them.

If I were in a relationship with someone and having problems, I wouldn't be thinking, oh crap, I could have found a better person, I should leave this person immediately and go look for that one (like, what you'd do with an awful lunch or something).

This is a big problem with modern relationships because they've been taught that Limerence=Love. The former is a thing that lasts between 3 months to a year tops. I can expand on what it is and why it's a thing but quick and dirty version: It's infatuation. Infatuation is temporary, but love, love can only form once you really start to see the flaws in your lover (i.e. once infatuation fades away). That's when many people erroneously back out. They never were as great as you thought they were, but maybe, maybe that's a good thing. Maybe those flaws and foibles will make them more endearing, more human, more lovable to you in the true sense.

Infatuation is intoxication, but love, love is the sober realization that there was truly something more behind that. I hope I'm making some sort of sense to everyone on this...