I'm pretty much talking about friendship in the psych distance of the examples i've given. So probably closer in distance than you are thinking but not necessarily a relationship. I believe whether i can have a romantic relationship with people of these types needs to be considered on a person to person basis because some are more accepting of my personality than others, and, in those cases, type plays less of a role than one might expect. Anyone can be flexible or make sacrifices, and, just as an example, in many cases i can see getting along better with ESIs than SEEs.
Even if you can make the case that certain common dynamics arise when you get closer to someone, my experience doesn't match yours. I don't want anyone telling me what to do or regulating my behavior. I don't feel a need for submission or subjugation. If anything i tend to regulate my partner a bit. I will say that i really don't care what activities i'm involved in on a day to day basis so long as i like who i'm with so my partner could essentially figure this part out for me (unless they like sitting at home and talking about arcane theories and ideas, but even i wouldn't want that). I'm flexible externally but not internally (internally meaning my beliefs, values, ideas). I'm not passive aggressive at all. If anything i force communication out in the open, and, in my experience, SEEs are typically the ones who will hide or bury the issue.
I don't really build barriers either. I may make it hard to get my attention at first but often times this is just because I'm not initially that interested or at the least i'm uncertain. Once I've decided on a person, I make it extremely straightforward and pretty much respond to all cues, and i can be fairly aggressive under the knowledge that the person I'm pursuing is interested. If the other person doesn't like that then it probably won't work.
Anyway, i think you get the point. I don't doubt that this behavior changes across gender, but I really don't think you can apply these specific behaviors to every ILI. I've met ILIs more aggressive than me and ILIs who were less aggressive. I don't see submission as a common theme though their willingness to go along with what their partner wants to do may foster this perception.